I recently ended an affair I was having with a beautiful, intelligent, charming, older, married woman (I'm Ashton's age, she's Demi's). After 3 weeks I just couldn't deal with the guilt anymore. I knew the affair was wrong, but I did it anyway. As a Catholic, I'm working on the whole reconciliation thing.
Though I realize I'm the scum of the earth for the whole adultery thing, I'm also attractive, charming and intelligent. Aside from the physical stuff I'm about to describe, she and I had really great conversations and connections on all sorts of other levels.
She started by flirting with me. A couple of months later we had a brief kissing encounter, followed one week later by a very hot makeout session. She then told me (in very explicit terms) that she wanted to have sex with me, and that I could have her whenever I wanted.
She then said, "you know I'm married, right?"
I told her I couldn't do it, but a week later I changed my mind and chose to start the affair. The sex was absolutely amazing. Our first night, morning and early afternoon together we did it 6 or 7 times. Over the next few weeks we continued to have crazy, incredible, uninhibited, plentiful sex.
During that first makeout session she told me that she had never really enjoyed sex, but that I turned her on in a way she had never experienced. Later she would tell me that she and her (second, current) husband were more like roommates, and neither was interested in sex with the other. They were a good "team," but lived a monastic life. With her first husband, she said, she usually just played dead when he wanted to have sex. With me, she was more lively and uninhibited than I could imagine.
She also told me that she had never in her life had an orgasm (whether through sex, masturbation, or any other means). One night I spent 30 minutes performing cunnilingus and she seemed to be getting very close to orgasm but pulled away to make me stop, saying she was too embarrassed. She turned away and covered her face, so I comforted and reassured her. Two weeks later we tried cunnilingus again. When she came close to orgasm and tried to pull away I gently, but assertively continued, eventually bringing her to her first orgasm. She commented about how she was going to record the date and celebrate it every year.
When I ended things a few days ago, she said that was 'it' for her, that she would never have with anyone else anything like what we had. She'd return to her "monastic" life. Eventually she said she was in love with me, and I told her that I loved her, but couldn't continue because she was married. She wanted things to continue, even without sex, but after a few days I told her I had to cut off all communication. (Mostly because it was too hard for me to see her and not be with her, but also because I thought it best for her to figure things out with her marriage.)
I give all this detail because, now that I've ended it, a very close friend of mine and my priest are both telling me that, in all likelihood, this experience is part of a pattern of behavior on her part. My priest says that 43-year-old, married women don't just wake up one day and decide to go after 28 year old guys and offer them sex. And they certainly don't "fall in love" in 3 weeks. My (woman) friend thinks this woman is a psycho hosebeast who is probably going to go all Glenn Close/Fatal Attraction on me.
So am I being naive? Was I manipulated this whole time, even though every fiber of my being believes (wants to believe?) that everything was genuine, and that I really am the only one for her?
One last detail that tips the scales towards my being naive: She had
Norplant birth control implanted in her arm, which A) lasts 5 years and 2) was due to be replaced in a few months. If she's had a "monastic" life for so long, why did she get 5 years worth of birth control implanted in her arm four-and-a-half years ago?
Please email followups to
contritescumbag@gmail.com.
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posted by mds35 at 11:26 AM on February 17, 2006