...she loves me not.
February 11, 2006 11:45 PM Subscribe
My wife wants to divorce me. Should I just give in?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (46 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
We've been married seven years. There have unfortunately been plenty of arguments, including disagreement on whether they were arguments. She's threatened to leave many times, and I beg for her to come back. It hurts so much to love someone who doesn't love you back...
We have two kids, 3.5 years and 5 months.
I'm having a really hard time understanding why she feels this way, she's saying that she doesn't like the way I'm always defending myself, and she doesn't like my messy desk. I do often do what she describes as defending myself, which is generally explaning why I did something a particular way. I don't get it--I do the best I can with the information I have--if I do something wrong, then I didn't have the right information, no big deal, right? As for my desk, I've been doing the best I can with the time I have; I've organized it into piles, and am working them down. I've been working about 14 hour days where I get up, go to work, come home at dinner (so I don't miss time with the family), go back to work after I've put everyone to bed (abut 9), and go back to work as long as I can. The amount of time with the family is identical to my usual schedule, although it's hell on me.
We've been reading all the books (Gottman, 5 love langs, most everything people recommend), and we've been to counseling (about 5 times). I think that counseling could help, but she doesn't care anymore. She thinks that I didn't implement the counselor's suggestions; I've done my best to internalize them as part of my life. I'm really trying here, but it never seems to be enough.
It's really hard to fight to keep a marriage when the other person doesn't love you anymore. For what it's worth, I am fairly old-fashioned when it comes to divorce and tend to treat my vows very, very seriously. [why won't she? I'm trying here, why won't she?]
I'm grateful for any help you can give. Am I just a jerk? She thinks so, and I generally disagree--but I'm willing to hear what people think. Do I need a new counselor? What do I do if she divorces me? I've never done this before. Is there something I can do? What am I doing wrong?