Positive empowering quotes to focus on during difficult divorce
June 25, 2018 7:17 AM Subscribe
I'm going through a pretty difficult divorce, and I'm looking for positive, self-empowering type quotes/statements to use in rotation as my wallpaper, but also just things to read and reflect upon during difficult times.
My ex-husband is dealing with the divorce very poorly and making my life miserable. I left the marriage because he was emotionally abusive and it was emotionally damaging to me. Unsurprisingly, his behaviour during this divorce process is even more emotionally damaging and upsetting. We have gotten to a point where I am going to have to start playing hardball to get this sorted out, all the while still trying to heal from the emotional damage I suffered over the years, so I need to bolster myself for the fight. I have a great support network of friends and family who have my back, but while I am going through this I am trying to leave lots of positive, encouraging messaging around so that during those times when I am feeling especially hopeless and trapped I can read them and remind myself that I will get through this, that I am strong, that this hell isn't forever, and that this will all be worth it in the end.
I googled and looked on Pinterest but unfortunately the majority of what I can find seem to be:
1. ex-bashing
2. religious
3. snarky
4. negative and/or resigned
I want things to be more focused on positivity, growth, strength from adversity, demanding the respect you deserve, taking control of your life... that sort of thing.
My ex-husband is dealing with the divorce very poorly and making my life miserable. I left the marriage because he was emotionally abusive and it was emotionally damaging to me. Unsurprisingly, his behaviour during this divorce process is even more emotionally damaging and upsetting. We have gotten to a point where I am going to have to start playing hardball to get this sorted out, all the while still trying to heal from the emotional damage I suffered over the years, so I need to bolster myself for the fight. I have a great support network of friends and family who have my back, but while I am going through this I am trying to leave lots of positive, encouraging messaging around so that during those times when I am feeling especially hopeless and trapped I can read them and remind myself that I will get through this, that I am strong, that this hell isn't forever, and that this will all be worth it in the end.
I googled and looked on Pinterest but unfortunately the majority of what I can find seem to be:
1. ex-bashing
2. religious
3. snarky
4. negative and/or resigned
I want things to be more focused on positivity, growth, strength from adversity, demanding the respect you deserve, taking control of your life... that sort of thing.
Best answer: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” Rainer Maria Rilke
posted by Sassyfras at 7:38 AM on June 25, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by Sassyfras at 7:38 AM on June 25, 2018 [9 favorites]
"Courage is the enabling virtue."
- Cornel West
"Permission to fail is exactly the same as permission to learn. There is no creativity, no originality, no success, no progress without risk."
- Judith Weston
posted by ourobouros at 7:44 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
- Cornel West
"Permission to fail is exactly the same as permission to learn. There is no creativity, no originality, no success, no progress without risk."
- Judith Weston
posted by ourobouros at 7:44 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Best answer: “Your understanding of your place in the world will expand in amazing and wonderful ways as you use your determination for a better life to wrench yourself free from this temporarily tough struggle. You are giving the future version of your self a better life. When you feel at your weakest and most lost, remember that your life will absolutely improve, you cannot and will not go back to how things were, and remember to refuse to accept how your life was, and finally, recall this aspiration: the future version of yourself will thank you and love you for the gift you have given them across this struggle.”
That’s the best I can give you based on surviving my own divorce. I hope it helps.
posted by nikaspark at 7:47 AM on June 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
That’s the best I can give you based on surviving my own divorce. I hope it helps.
posted by nikaspark at 7:47 AM on June 25, 2018 [8 favorites]
This is a link to a Mefi from a couple of years ago.
posted by jtexman1 at 7:50 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by jtexman1 at 7:50 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
"Do not disturb yourself by picturing your life as a whole; do not assemble in your mind the many and varied troubles which have come to you in the past and will come again in the future, but ask yourself with regard to every present difficulty: 'What is there in this that is unbearable and beyond endurance?' You would be ashamed to confess it! And then remind yourself that it is not the future or what has passed that afflicts you, but always the present, and the power of this is much diminished if you take it in isolation and call your mind to task if it thinks that it cannot stand up to it when taken on its own."
posted by praemunire at 7:59 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 7:59 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
I read the book Tiny Beautiful Things when I was leaving the worst relationship of my life. It's a compilation of advice columns written by Dear Sugar (Cheryl Strayed). She got me through. Memail me your address and I'll send you a copy.
I'm sorry you're going through this. The way out is through. You've got this; you're incredibly strong and resilient. Take care of yourself.
posted by sockermom at 8:01 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'm sorry you're going through this. The way out is through. You've got this; you're incredibly strong and resilient. Take care of yourself.
posted by sockermom at 8:01 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
posted by DTMFA at 8:02 AM on June 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by DTMFA at 8:02 AM on June 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
I have what I have and I am happy.
I have lost what I have lost and I am still happy.
Outlook, Rupi Kaur
posted by heathergirl at 8:16 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
I have lost what I have lost and I am still happy.
Outlook, Rupi Kaur
posted by heathergirl at 8:16 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree."
It's attributed to Martin Luther, perhaps apocryphally. I have this on my fridge. It keeps me focused on the things that make life good.
We are all rooting for you!
posted by mochapickle at 8:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
It's attributed to Martin Luther, perhaps apocryphally. I have this on my fridge. It keeps me focused on the things that make life good.
We are all rooting for you!
posted by mochapickle at 8:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on
posted by AugustWest at 8:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by AugustWest at 8:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [3 favorites]
Best answer: And when you may be feeling down about the way your ex is behaving toward you -
“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.”
Yogi Bhajan
posted by Sassyfras at 8:25 AM on June 25, 2018 [14 favorites]
“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time cease to react at all.”
Yogi Bhajan
posted by Sassyfras at 8:25 AM on June 25, 2018 [14 favorites]
The moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on.
and
The moving cursor writes; and having written, blinks on.
posted by Melismata at 8:39 AM on June 25, 2018
and
The moving cursor writes; and having written, blinks on.
posted by Melismata at 8:39 AM on June 25, 2018
"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." From Bukowski (who was pretty terrible, but the words are still inspiring)
posted by August Fury at 8:55 AM on June 25, 2018
posted by August Fury at 8:55 AM on June 25, 2018
Booker T. Washington helped me keep the focus on my thoughts/actions rather than my ex's:
"I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him."
And when I didn't live up to it, Emerson:
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
posted by headnsouth at 9:08 AM on June 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
"I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him."
And when I didn't live up to it, Emerson:
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
posted by headnsouth at 9:08 AM on June 25, 2018 [5 favorites]
"Above all, be the heroine of your life not the victim." -- Nora Ephron
posted by jadepearl at 9:28 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by jadepearl at 9:28 AM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I have a photostream of images like this so made an imgur album.
posted by ellieBOA at 10:06 AM on June 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by ellieBOA at 10:06 AM on June 25, 2018 [4 favorites]
"time heals all wounds" is trite but true and has helped me.
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:55 AM on June 25, 2018
posted by fingersandtoes at 10:55 AM on June 25, 2018
This is hokey, and I don't recall the source, but it's stuck in my head for years: "Everything turns out all right in the end. If it's not all right, then it's not the end yet."
posted by LizardBreath at 11:46 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by LizardBreath at 11:46 AM on June 25, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I haven't found the source for this yet, but it's one of my favorite empowering/inspiring quotes to reflect upon post breakup: “I know what I bring to the table, so trust me when I say I’m not afraid to eat alone.”
posted by jazzbaby at 2:31 PM on June 25, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by jazzbaby at 2:31 PM on June 25, 2018 [7 favorites]
“The best way out is always through.” Robert Frost.
https://www.bartleby.com/118/9.html
posted by kestrel251 at 4:47 PM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
https://www.bartleby.com/118/9.html
posted by kestrel251 at 4:47 PM on June 25, 2018 [1 favorite]
Winston Churchill was a racist, sexist POS, but the man did have a way with words. 'If you're going through hell, keep going,' feels apropos in your situation.
posted by Tamanna at 4:52 PM on June 25, 2018
posted by Tamanna at 4:52 PM on June 25, 2018
Happiness Runs cheers me right up and it's deceptively profound, I think. (It's the second song on the clip, but was the only one I could find with Donovan pictured singing and it's so happy and funny.)
I also like the song Simple Gifts at times like this but it's religious I guess? Likewise This Little Light of Mine.
Best of luck to you!
posted by BibiRose at 1:42 PM on June 27, 2018
I also like the song Simple Gifts at times like this but it's religious I guess? Likewise This Little Light of Mine.
Best of luck to you!
posted by BibiRose at 1:42 PM on June 27, 2018
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Best to you.
posted by cooker girl at 7:21 AM on June 25, 2018 [4 favorites]