How do I deal with my anger over cheating?
February 3, 2006 7:40 AM Subscribe
My girlfriend cheated. We're separated now. What do I do with this anger?
posted by Brainy to Human Relations (43 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
My (ex) girlfriend has been cheating on me since October. I confronted her about it many times, but all my evidence was circumstancial and only pointed to lesser crimes. I was put into awkward situations (like providing a ride to her house for him) under the guise of "just friendship". She never admitted it until I pulled out the printout of the conversation I had with him on Trillian. (he admitted it because he thought we were no longer together).
She has been crying non-stop, and I do truly believe she is sorry. If that makes a difference or not ultimately....well, we'll just have to see. We've briefly considered getting back together after a healing period, and right now, that's where we stand...hopeful. I feel like if we get together or not has a lot to do with how much we heal and I'm not placing bets either way. I tend to waver in my emotions from minute to minute.
So, since we're not talking, I'm unable to yell & scream & curse at her, and don't feel that's the best idea anyway. She cheated because of quite a few neurosis (it seems) that she is seeking help for and telling her what I think of her would be like kicking a broken puppy...and possibly setting her back quite a bit in her already low self esteem.
But the problem is, I'll remember Event A where I was lied to and just make the connection now, or I'll re-remember how it was when I was doing B and it'll all seem so fresh and I just want to...react somehow. But I don't know how.
The only outlet my anger seeks is to tell her, hurt her with what she's done and that is not healthy, wouldn't help much and we're not talking anyway.
I'm not the sorta guy to scream and punch things so that doesn't seem to feel right, and it can strike at anytime, anywhere. How do I deal with that anger when I'm feeling it?