Tell me your stories of weaning
February 27, 2018 12:21 PM Subscribe
I'd love to hear stories/strategies that worked from those who weaned from breastfeeding around 14 months, give or take a few months. I've read stories from people who weaned older (2 years and up), but while my son understands a lot, he's not verbal enough to express or understand at this point.
I currently nurse my son when he wakes up and before bed. I want to get rid of the morning session now, but I can take or leave the before-bed session at this point. While I do plan to talk about it a lot with him, my son is old enough to know that he's supposed to start his day with a nursing session, but not old enough to express his own feelings about it, or even really (I think) understand what it would mean if I tell him that he's going to stop nursing. He's pretty attached to nursing, so it definitely has an emotional component.
He doesn't take bottles anymore, as we switched to sippy cups when he transitioned to cows' milk at 12 months. He doesn't seem to get much comfort from a sippy cup (as opposed to bottles), so switching to milk from a cup hasn't been very helpful so far. I used to go to my son and nurse him first thing in the morning, but for the past week my husband has been going in to get him out of his crib. My son seems very upset by this and pushes away the offered milk. After he's been up and playing for a few minutes, I've been going in to nurse him--the idea being to separate the nursing from the wake-up routine, and then eventually to cut out the nursing. But this has been pretty miserable for my husband and my son, so I'm looking at other options.
In 9 days I'm going on a 4-day work trip, so the answer may be just to let it happen then. But I'd love to hear other strategies that have worked for people.
I currently nurse my son when he wakes up and before bed. I want to get rid of the morning session now, but I can take or leave the before-bed session at this point. While I do plan to talk about it a lot with him, my son is old enough to know that he's supposed to start his day with a nursing session, but not old enough to express his own feelings about it, or even really (I think) understand what it would mean if I tell him that he's going to stop nursing. He's pretty attached to nursing, so it definitely has an emotional component.
He doesn't take bottles anymore, as we switched to sippy cups when he transitioned to cows' milk at 12 months. He doesn't seem to get much comfort from a sippy cup (as opposed to bottles), so switching to milk from a cup hasn't been very helpful so far. I used to go to my son and nurse him first thing in the morning, but for the past week my husband has been going in to get him out of his crib. My son seems very upset by this and pushes away the offered milk. After he's been up and playing for a few minutes, I've been going in to nurse him--the idea being to separate the nursing from the wake-up routine, and then eventually to cut out the nursing. But this has been pretty miserable for my husband and my son, so I'm looking at other options.
In 9 days I'm going on a 4-day work trip, so the answer may be just to let it happen then. But I'd love to hear other strategies that have worked for people.
I weaned at 22 months by going on a week long work trip. It worked for us, we were also only doing morning/evening nursing at that point (with the occasional naptime thrown in, but she was in daycare so it was only happening on weekends).
I had a lot of emotional attachment to nursing, in spite of - or maybe because - we had supplemented with formula from 7 weeks on; it's kind of miraculous that I hung in as long as I did (ask me about having mastitis 4 times before she was 6 months!) And what struck me when we stopped was how ready she was (there was sadness but no major tantrums) and how irritated I had been with our routine. Things had gotten so toothy! It was so hard to get her to focus on nursing, and when she turned her head without dropping the latch, or just never really took hold, it was no fun for me. Bedtimes were a lot smoother when my partner and I started taking turns with bath/bed routines. My kid really enjoys that time with my partner now.
She's now 28 months and still occasionally asks for boob, or talks about how I don't have any milk anymore. But it was never a big topic of conversation. I think this is one of those things where they inevitably process it in a way that is opaque to us - while she is pretty verbal, she is still working on expressing complex emotional concepts. So I will never know quite how it was for her.
As far as how I did it, I had a friend encourage me to stop a couple of days before the work trip, since she had done a similar thing and felt like a week wasn't quite long enough to stop her milk. I always had such a crappy supply that I didn't envision this being a problem, and I wasn't ready to tackle the negotiation in advance, so I just left town. We talked about it a little bit ("when I come home, I won't have boob anymore, you will just have a bottle" to which she said yes) and then that's how it was. I cried about it a little, alone in my airbnb.
We are still using bottles for cow's milk at bedtime, just because it seems special to her. At daycare they use open cups now, but at home we still do sippy cups. I don't do that much cow's milk, honestly, we try to have her drink lots of water and get fat/protein in multiple ways.
We definitely have had periods where she was vocally unhappy about bedtime with my partner, but we seem to be done with the worst of it. It hurt his feelings quite a bit for a while. I think it might not have had much to do with nursing, but who knows.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 12:48 PM on February 27, 2018
I had a lot of emotional attachment to nursing, in spite of - or maybe because - we had supplemented with formula from 7 weeks on; it's kind of miraculous that I hung in as long as I did (ask me about having mastitis 4 times before she was 6 months!) And what struck me when we stopped was how ready she was (there was sadness but no major tantrums) and how irritated I had been with our routine. Things had gotten so toothy! It was so hard to get her to focus on nursing, and when she turned her head without dropping the latch, or just never really took hold, it was no fun for me. Bedtimes were a lot smoother when my partner and I started taking turns with bath/bed routines. My kid really enjoys that time with my partner now.
She's now 28 months and still occasionally asks for boob, or talks about how I don't have any milk anymore. But it was never a big topic of conversation. I think this is one of those things where they inevitably process it in a way that is opaque to us - while she is pretty verbal, she is still working on expressing complex emotional concepts. So I will never know quite how it was for her.
As far as how I did it, I had a friend encourage me to stop a couple of days before the work trip, since she had done a similar thing and felt like a week wasn't quite long enough to stop her milk. I always had such a crappy supply that I didn't envision this being a problem, and I wasn't ready to tackle the negotiation in advance, so I just left town. We talked about it a little bit ("when I come home, I won't have boob anymore, you will just have a bottle" to which she said yes) and then that's how it was. I cried about it a little, alone in my airbnb.
We are still using bottles for cow's milk at bedtime, just because it seems special to her. At daycare they use open cups now, but at home we still do sippy cups. I don't do that much cow's milk, honestly, we try to have her drink lots of water and get fat/protein in multiple ways.
We definitely have had periods where she was vocally unhappy about bedtime with my partner, but we seem to be done with the worst of it. It hurt his feelings quite a bit for a while. I think it might not have had much to do with nursing, but who knows.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 12:48 PM on February 27, 2018
When I dropped nursing in the morning, we just skipped that part and otherwise kept to the normal routine. He got a cup at daycare or with breakfast at the table. There was a little frustration, but it was soon forgotten in the normal morning hustle and bustle.
Nighttime nursing was harder to drop, both emotionally and physically. I was never a great producer, but found myself leaking and in pain for several days.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 1:47 PM on February 27, 2018
Nighttime nursing was harder to drop, both emotionally and physically. I was never a great producer, but found myself leaking and in pain for several days.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 1:47 PM on February 27, 2018
I stopped nursing my daughter at 14 months after being bitten one too many times and I just. Couldn't. Take. It. Anymore. We were also down to once in the morning and once at night. After the bite that broke the camel's back, I just didn't anymore. We didn't have any conversations about it, we just breezed past the parts of the bedtime and wakeup routines where I would have nursed her. There was very minimal frustration on her part. I think not drawing attention to the absence of nursing worked in our favor. As you say, though - if nothing else, you can wean altogether fairly easily during your work trip. Good luck!
posted by srrh at 1:57 PM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by srrh at 1:57 PM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
We did exactly the same thing as ssrh. We just... stopped. We dropped the morning nursing first, and then a couple months later when we dropped the bedtime nursing, I offered a cup of water and snuggled her without nursing and that was that. We didn't have any grand conversations about it - I didn't feel that at that age she had the real capacity to understand them in the same way a 2.5 year old would. And we opted not to make a big deal about it.
At 4.5 we still do the lights-out snuggle in the chair, though!
posted by telepanda at 2:13 PM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
At 4.5 we still do the lights-out snuggle in the chair, though!
posted by telepanda at 2:13 PM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
I still nurse my daughter during the day and for bedtime, but not at night, and no wake-up morning nursies. I just told her (at 18 months and she was pre-verbal) that there would be no more milk before breakfast and that’s our routine. After breakfast she’s usually not even interested, or can be distracted easily. She just needs to get over that hump of tiredness and low blood sugar. So I’d say, replace the wake-up nursing with getting up and making breakfast: something your baby really likes. Pancakes? Toast? Oatmeal? You’ll get a few early crying wakeups and demands for milkies. Power through.
(You do not need to have a discussion or negotiation about this. It’s your body. And I say that as somebody who nursed her 1st far into preschool age).
posted by The Toad at 2:15 PM on February 27, 2018
(You do not need to have a discussion or negotiation about this. It’s your body. And I say that as somebody who nursed her 1st far into preschool age).
posted by The Toad at 2:15 PM on February 27, 2018
We took our time with it. I think we started weaning around 18/19 months and then I officially weaned her at 23.5 months, just shy of her second birthday. It was hard, but like you I just dropped feeds, and replaced them with something else. I think telling myself it was a process helped a lot. It did help that she was still on bottles, but also offering her a "treat" like a graham cracker, or something your babe might associate with comfort could help. I've heard one mom did hot chocolate. If that's too sugary, I'm sure there's something that could be a little comforting besides the boob.
We also talked about how the "nanas" were still going to be around, and we could still look at them sometimes/take baths with them, but not get milk from them anymore helped, at least me. It sounds like other people take the opposite approach and just don't make it a thing, or put any attention on it, and I think that would work fine too, I think just depends on what feels right for you.
posted by Rocket26 at 2:32 PM on February 27, 2018
We also talked about how the "nanas" were still going to be around, and we could still look at them sometimes/take baths with them, but not get milk from them anymore helped, at least me. It sounds like other people take the opposite approach and just don't make it a thing, or put any attention on it, and I think that would work fine too, I think just depends on what feels right for you.
posted by Rocket26 at 2:32 PM on February 27, 2018
I started with my twins at 1, cutting down slowly. The last left was the morning. At about 14 months, I went to the ER for unrelated issues, and was offered morphine with a promise not to nurse. My partner gave them milk, and though I was stressed out, they were ok in a day or so. I think 14 months is a great time to wean
posted by Valancy Rachel at 2:44 PM on February 27, 2018
posted by Valancy Rachel at 2:44 PM on February 27, 2018
I weaned at 15 months, cold turkey. He cried in the afternoon and at night, and I rocked him until he fell asleep. And then he just seemed to forget and move on. He did seem extra weepy/grumpy for a day or two though.
So the second time around, when I weaned, I did it more slowly. She was 16 months old. We kept up nighttime feeding for about 4 weeks after stopping everything else. I had her dad take over bedtime for two days a week, then three days, then four, then five during that time. And then one night I put her to bed without feeding her, and when she asked for it I told her it was "all gone" and "all done." There was a small tantrum but nbd. It was better, imo.
posted by MiraK at 2:51 PM on February 27, 2018
So the second time around, when I weaned, I did it more slowly. She was 16 months old. We kept up nighttime feeding for about 4 weeks after stopping everything else. I had her dad take over bedtime for two days a week, then three days, then four, then five during that time. And then one night I put her to bed without feeding her, and when she asked for it I told her it was "all gone" and "all done." There was a small tantrum but nbd. It was better, imo.
posted by MiraK at 2:51 PM on February 27, 2018
I weaned at 18 months by going on a work trip. He was nursing morning and night at that time and I just never nursed again when I came home. We didn't talk about it or do any warning. I had to pump a little a few times to relieve the pressure but it worked fine.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 3:17 PM on February 27, 2018
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 3:17 PM on February 27, 2018
Hi! I haven’t read the other answers but I have a 1.5 year old and a 2.5 year old so this stuff is very fresh. We also didn’t breastfeed very long- however, I can maybe give some advice about talking to him when he’s not really verbal. I would say: mommy boobie is kaput this morning- (my kids understood that word, toys not working and being put away) then offer a bottle again and a cuddle. My youngest would have gone bananas but I think he would have accepted it the next day. My older would have just gone with the flow.
posted by catspajammies at 3:26 PM on February 27, 2018
posted by catspajammies at 3:26 PM on February 27, 2018
I stopped at 14m with one and 12m with the other. With both I just said "milk's all gone! No more! Let's just snuggle!" And we snuggled in bed until they wiggled away to get breakfast elsewhere. It was completely fine. Don't worry, you will not break your baby with your weaning method.
posted by gatorae at 3:51 PM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by gatorae at 3:51 PM on February 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
I know a woman who used a tiny bit of hot sauce on her nipples as a last resort. Not sure I'd go that route, but apparently it worked like a charm.
posted by onecircleaday at 5:13 PM on February 27, 2018
posted by onecircleaday at 5:13 PM on February 27, 2018
My no tears weaning was to switch up other aspects of the routine... Like not waking up and snuggling right away but waking up and going downstairs for breakfast instead. Or snuggle in bed B not bed A. Wear a clean long inaccessible shirt that smells like laundry not like me or milk.
It was a mutual dumping at 16 mos. Both of us were fairly disinterested by that point and probably just keeping up appearances anyway.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:27 PM on February 27, 2018
It was a mutual dumping at 16 mos. Both of us were fairly disinterested by that point and probably just keeping up appearances anyway.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:27 PM on February 27, 2018
Response by poster: Thanks all! I marked French Fry's answer as best because he confirmed what my husband and I have suspected... that we just need to do it. But I really appreciate hearing all your stories!
posted by CiaoMela at 6:22 AM on February 28, 2018
posted by CiaoMela at 6:22 AM on February 28, 2018
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posted by French Fry at 12:45 PM on February 27, 2018 [2 favorites]