How do you consolidate your political/social views in the workplace?
February 9, 2018 5:21 PM
Maybe consolidate isn't the right term, but what do you do when you realize your beliefs clash with those of the people you work with or those who have authority over you?
I don't mean "my boss is a conservative and I'm a liberal" but more nuanced issues that affect your position and workplace directly. I work for a small start-up and things don't always seem so black and white. For example, I recently overheard someone in an HR position talk about the recent MeToo movement and feminism in a negative, demeaning way, referring to most feminist women as "extreme" and saying they're "overreacting." This made me feel small and inferior as a woman in a male-dominated industry, and makes me hesitant about potentially trusting this person if I ever needed to report workplace harassment (thankfully this is not something I need to do ).
Another example is having your boss or team lead on social media, and seeing them post things that are in direct opposition of what you believe in, like an "interesting" interview with a well-known xenophobic/bigoted celebrity while you're an immigrant or person of colour who comes from a different ethnic background. Or if you're a woman who works in a male-dominated setting and do like to wear make-up, but you also know that your boss praises an "intellectual" figure who recently said that "workplace harassment might be avoided if women stopped wearing make-up to entice men"
Clearly having these opinions isn't wrong since everyone comes from a different background and believes different things, but how do you come to terms with having your higher-ups, the people you work with every day, believe things that directly oppose your worldview and having views that may potentially affect your career path in the future? With this information, I suddenly feel weird about wearing make-up to work and will secretly wonder if my boss is judging me or treating me differently for it. As a feminist, I also don't feel as confident negotiating a salary if needed or worse, tackling a HR issue with the HR person, who happens to be the boss's wife, since I'll remember her dismissive comments about "feminist" women and how most people in the Me Too movement are jumping on the bandwagon.
Is this common stuff to deal with in any workplace since it's not really sinister or in violation of anything? Is it just something you suck up and roll your eyes at, like "Oh that's just Ben, he's just really bigoted"? I will admit I am pretty sensitive and opinionated about feminist and political issues though I don't necessarily speak out about them at work, but this type of thing does affect me emotionally and makes me feel a bit alone in my views.
I don't mean "my boss is a conservative and I'm a liberal" but more nuanced issues that affect your position and workplace directly. I work for a small start-up and things don't always seem so black and white. For example, I recently overheard someone in an HR position talk about the recent MeToo movement and feminism in a negative, demeaning way, referring to most feminist women as "extreme" and saying they're "overreacting." This made me feel small and inferior as a woman in a male-dominated industry, and makes me hesitant about potentially trusting this person if I ever needed to report workplace harassment (thankfully this is not something I need to do ).
Another example is having your boss or team lead on social media, and seeing them post things that are in direct opposition of what you believe in, like an "interesting" interview with a well-known xenophobic/bigoted celebrity while you're an immigrant or person of colour who comes from a different ethnic background. Or if you're a woman who works in a male-dominated setting and do like to wear make-up, but you also know that your boss praises an "intellectual" figure who recently said that "workplace harassment might be avoided if women stopped wearing make-up to entice men"
Clearly having these opinions isn't wrong since everyone comes from a different background and believes different things, but how do you come to terms with having your higher-ups, the people you work with every day, believe things that directly oppose your worldview and having views that may potentially affect your career path in the future? With this information, I suddenly feel weird about wearing make-up to work and will secretly wonder if my boss is judging me or treating me differently for it. As a feminist, I also don't feel as confident negotiating a salary if needed or worse, tackling a HR issue with the HR person, who happens to be the boss's wife, since I'll remember her dismissive comments about "feminist" women and how most people in the Me Too movement are jumping on the bandwagon.
Is this common stuff to deal with in any workplace since it's not really sinister or in violation of anything? Is it just something you suck up and roll your eyes at, like "Oh that's just Ben, he's just really bigoted"? I will admit I am pretty sensitive and opinionated about feminist and political issues though I don't necessarily speak out about them at work, but this type of thing does affect me emotionally and makes me feel a bit alone in my views.
I’ve known some women who roll their eyes and roll with it, I know some who do their best to get better jobs where people aren’t anti-feminist jerks, as DarlingBri suggests.
This part sticks out to me:
having these opinions isn't wrong since everyone comes from a different background and believes different things.
Ahem. To borrow a phrase:
They’re not wrong, they’re assholes. These ‘opinions’ are directly harming women and minorities in the work place, call it what you will, but you don’t have to accept this shitty workplace behavior, or act like these fuckers are entitled to act this way without repercussion.
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:46 PM on February 9, 2018
This part sticks out to me:
having these opinions isn't wrong since everyone comes from a different background and believes different things.
Ahem. To borrow a phrase:
They’re not wrong, they’re assholes. These ‘opinions’ are directly harming women and minorities in the work place, call it what you will, but you don’t have to accept this shitty workplace behavior, or act like these fuckers are entitled to act this way without repercussion.
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:46 PM on February 9, 2018
having these opinions isn't wrong since everyone comes from a different background and believes different things.
Nah, those are just wrong opinions. As I get older I have less patience for “well everyone is entitled to their opinion” stuff. Some opinions are harmful and wrong, like the examples you have given. I hope you get hired at a place that is not so misogynist!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:50 PM on February 9, 2018
Nah, those are just wrong opinions. As I get older I have less patience for “well everyone is entitled to their opinion” stuff. Some opinions are harmful and wrong, like the examples you have given. I hope you get hired at a place that is not so misogynist!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:50 PM on February 9, 2018
One option, if you otherwise have a good relationship with your supervisor/HR person/whoever, would be to alert them that their views may make women, minorities, or otherwise marginalized groups feel unwelcome, which is not only bad for business, but also potentially makes them susceptible to a hostile workplace claim. Depending on how convinced they are of their own superiority, though, they may dismiss that as "political correctness" and it may backfire on you. I agree with those telling you to polish your CV, just in case.
posted by basalganglia at 6:26 PM on February 9, 2018
posted by basalganglia at 6:26 PM on February 9, 2018
Seconding hurry gurdy girl.
The SPLC also had a how to talk to your racist uncle at the holidays type guide that they put out in November, 2016. If you have rapport or enough of a relationship with these folks, you might be able to point out some of the issues with what they've said or posted, like, "Hi Boss, I saw that you posted [the thing about make up] on Facebook. I like to wear some make up just for myself, but I'm also serious about and committed to this job. I'm worried that I might not understand what might be too much make up, that would negatively affect my career, however. Could you give me a little advice?" as an opener to a conversation where he would hopefully listen to a different point of view. Or there's the more direct approach of, "Hi Boss, I know you really care about your employees, that you respect is and appreciate the work and effort we give to the company. A thing you wrote on Facebook the other day made me a bit worried about how you view me and my work expertise and productivity, however. Can I talk to you about that?"
This can work if the person has obnoxious stereotypes about "that sort of woman", but has a connection to you personally that is stronger than their other prejudice. Like "the only moral abortion is my/my daughter's abortion" type people. So probably not your boss and his wife if you have not yet been at this job for years. There are some strategies out there that can sometimes help with educating family members from not too dysfunctional families, community members who you have more than a passing connection to, and such to be more thoughtful, however, if the underlying problem is indeed thoughtlessness and not some underlying actual animosity toward you. Sometimes you think you have that sort of an opening with the friendly acquaintance, but then it turns out that, nope, they really are horribly sexist and do not actually respect you. And then you reflect on how, yeah, he's not great at respecting everyday boundaries, so that wasn't so surprising in retrospect, and realize that it is kind of good to have clarified where you stand. There's a lot more risk of negative consequences for you when the person is your boss, however. Thus the advice to find a new job with a better work environment, because that sort of behavior is not okay and will really wear you down over time.
posted by eviemath at 6:31 PM on February 9, 2018
The SPLC also had a how to talk to your racist uncle at the holidays type guide that they put out in November, 2016. If you have rapport or enough of a relationship with these folks, you might be able to point out some of the issues with what they've said or posted, like, "Hi Boss, I saw that you posted [the thing about make up] on Facebook. I like to wear some make up just for myself, but I'm also serious about and committed to this job. I'm worried that I might not understand what might be too much make up, that would negatively affect my career, however. Could you give me a little advice?" as an opener to a conversation where he would hopefully listen to a different point of view. Or there's the more direct approach of, "Hi Boss, I know you really care about your employees, that you respect is and appreciate the work and effort we give to the company. A thing you wrote on Facebook the other day made me a bit worried about how you view me and my work expertise and productivity, however. Can I talk to you about that?"
This can work if the person has obnoxious stereotypes about "that sort of woman", but has a connection to you personally that is stronger than their other prejudice. Like "the only moral abortion is my/my daughter's abortion" type people. So probably not your boss and his wife if you have not yet been at this job for years. There are some strategies out there that can sometimes help with educating family members from not too dysfunctional families, community members who you have more than a passing connection to, and such to be more thoughtful, however, if the underlying problem is indeed thoughtlessness and not some underlying actual animosity toward you. Sometimes you think you have that sort of an opening with the friendly acquaintance, but then it turns out that, nope, they really are horribly sexist and do not actually respect you. And then you reflect on how, yeah, he's not great at respecting everyday boundaries, so that wasn't so surprising in retrospect, and realize that it is kind of good to have clarified where you stand. There's a lot more risk of negative consequences for you when the person is your boss, however. Thus the advice to find a new job with a better work environment, because that sort of behavior is not okay and will really wear you down over time.
posted by eviemath at 6:31 PM on February 9, 2018
Eviemath, you're a nicer person than I am.
I would never, ever, ever ask this shitheel boss-man his opinion on makeup. As long as you're not wearing a fake red nose or gratuitously exceeding the accepted 'business professional' look, who cares what he thinks? Nor would I grovel to him and ask how he views me and my work expertise and productivity. Give me feed back like all the rest of my (male) cow-orkers get, and it better be in writing, if it's negative.
New job.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:15 PM on February 9, 2018
I would never, ever, ever ask this shitheel boss-man his opinion on makeup. As long as you're not wearing a fake red nose or gratuitously exceeding the accepted 'business professional' look, who cares what he thinks? Nor would I grovel to him and ask how he views me and my work expertise and productivity. Give me feed back like all the rest of my (male) cow-orkers get, and it better be in writing, if it's negative.
New job.
posted by BlueHorse at 7:15 PM on February 9, 2018
OP is in Canada, where confrontation is avoided if at all possible. Also, when I did my law degree in Canada (graduated last year), feminism was a bad thing and this was the largest university in the province.
posted by thesockpuppet at 7:22 PM on February 9, 2018
posted by thesockpuppet at 7:22 PM on February 9, 2018
And when you get a new job, don't friend/follow people from work on social media.
posted by lyssabee at 7:39 PM on February 9, 2018
posted by lyssabee at 7:39 PM on February 9, 2018
So there's a lot of ways to approach this, but if you're looking for a description of what is going on, the word you want is "microaggressions."
Anyway, what you do really depends on what this job means to you and what your options are. If you decide to leave and have an exit interview, you might point out that denigrating minorities and women is going to hurt both business and recruitment of new employees in the long run.
If you feel a need to stay, you're going to need some professional allies, either inside or outside your company. Are there professional orgs for women in your industry? Join them. They will almost certainly have training around racism and sexism and you can recommend that your company send some people to it to "keep abreast of industry norms," for example. Or come up with other strategies.
Ultimately, it's not your job to drag these people into the 21st century, so I would only recommend taking this on if you think you must.
posted by emjaybee at 9:15 PM on February 9, 2018
Anyway, what you do really depends on what this job means to you and what your options are. If you decide to leave and have an exit interview, you might point out that denigrating minorities and women is going to hurt both business and recruitment of new employees in the long run.
If you feel a need to stay, you're going to need some professional allies, either inside or outside your company. Are there professional orgs for women in your industry? Join them. They will almost certainly have training around racism and sexism and you can recommend that your company send some people to it to "keep abreast of industry norms," for example. Or come up with other strategies.
Ultimately, it's not your job to drag these people into the 21st century, so I would only recommend taking this on if you think you must.
posted by emjaybee at 9:15 PM on February 9, 2018
The answer depends on a lot of things.
I used to work in oil and gas accounting. The following were things I heard pretty much all the time: “drill baby drill” / “git-r-done” / general gun worship / general bellyaching about teh gays and teh illegals / “war on Christmas” / wishing out loud that Obama would get assassinated.
It taught me some things about picking my battles — especially when (as others have advised) I started furtively interviewing for new jobs on my lunch breaks, with little success.
Make a new and healthy work environment your long game. In the meantime, do your best not to feed the beasts. Look for the other quiet progressives, who may be biting their tongues for fear of reprisal, and be the person they can feel comfortable around. Change the subject or respond with a cold blank “wow” when the hatemongering nonsense is addressed to you/at you, because whatever they’re paying you is not enough to justify adding “lightning rod” to your job description.
It is noble to want to evangelize for what is right. Some people (especially the ones with lifelines, like a trust fund, or two well-off living parents) will tell you that everyone should do so at all times, and damn the consequences. But it is actually okay if all your bandwidth gets spent on just-getting-through-the-day-without-screaming and finding ways to cover your midday interviews.
Be civil and courteous to everybody, because respect for their humanity is a crucial liberal value. When possible, lead by example.
Self-care: Retreat to headphones if you can, or commiserate with like minds. Most of all, devote reasonable energy and effort to finding a new place to land, without exacerbating the hostility of the one you’re stuck in now.
Sending my best wishes for better days. Good luck out there.
posted by armeowda at 9:35 PM on February 9, 2018
I used to work in oil and gas accounting. The following were things I heard pretty much all the time: “drill baby drill” / “git-r-done” / general gun worship / general bellyaching about teh gays and teh illegals / “war on Christmas” / wishing out loud that Obama would get assassinated.
It taught me some things about picking my battles — especially when (as others have advised) I started furtively interviewing for new jobs on my lunch breaks, with little success.
Make a new and healthy work environment your long game. In the meantime, do your best not to feed the beasts. Look for the other quiet progressives, who may be biting their tongues for fear of reprisal, and be the person they can feel comfortable around. Change the subject or respond with a cold blank “wow” when the hatemongering nonsense is addressed to you/at you, because whatever they’re paying you is not enough to justify adding “lightning rod” to your job description.
It is noble to want to evangelize for what is right. Some people (especially the ones with lifelines, like a trust fund, or two well-off living parents) will tell you that everyone should do so at all times, and damn the consequences. But it is actually okay if all your bandwidth gets spent on just-getting-through-the-day-without-screaming and finding ways to cover your midday interviews.
Be civil and courteous to everybody, because respect for their humanity is a crucial liberal value. When possible, lead by example.
Self-care: Retreat to headphones if you can, or commiserate with like minds. Most of all, devote reasonable energy and effort to finding a new place to land, without exacerbating the hostility of the one you’re stuck in now.
Sending my best wishes for better days. Good luck out there.
posted by armeowda at 9:35 PM on February 9, 2018
I work in show biz which is a very liberal, very conformist industry. I don’t agree with most of my employers and I just ignore their displays of self-righteousness because when push comes to shove, they care more about their profits than anything else. I care more about my pay checks than I do about social media or virtue-signaling or what my colleagues blather about over lunch.
I care deeply about the messages of the projects I do choose to work on, and thus far, I have not had to compromise my values or my bank balance.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:36 PM on February 9, 2018
I care deeply about the messages of the projects I do choose to work on, and thus far, I have not had to compromise my values or my bank balance.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:36 PM on February 9, 2018
I used to have a job like that. I too am "pretty sensitive and opinionated about feminist and political issues." For a long time, I thought that because I am intelligent and open-minded, I was capable of working there without harm. I thought that I was smart enough to debate them.
But there were many of them, and only one of me. I could effectively debunk the idea of a liberal media or defend the existence of civil liberties to one person on one day, but they wouldn't change their mind; in some cases, they would have resentment towards me lodged in their minds forever because they felt lessened in some way. And if I'm debating people, then I'm effectively doing this extra work to not be miserable, and my real work is not getting done.
It was like a slow poison, hearing their awful, hateful opinions every day. I filed a formal letter at one point, to inform management that I had overheard sexist comments, racist jokes, and even the comment "atheists are stupid," and suggested that surely this was also happening in earshot of customers. There was a special meeting and the deplorables knocked it off... for about two weeks.
After seven years of working at this place, I remember a few times crying after work with rage and despair. It is very unpleasant, coming to terms with the fact that so many people are so small-minded and vindictive. But you already know that people with these opinions exist; you have seen from the news media in the last year how much value is added from "understanding" them. In my opinion, it probably isn't worth staying at a job where you must endure this garbage being directed at you, personally. You don't deserve it. No one deserves that. If you don't have to do this to yourself, don't.
posted by heatvision at 4:08 AM on February 10, 2018
But there were many of them, and only one of me. I could effectively debunk the idea of a liberal media or defend the existence of civil liberties to one person on one day, but they wouldn't change their mind; in some cases, they would have resentment towards me lodged in their minds forever because they felt lessened in some way. And if I'm debating people, then I'm effectively doing this extra work to not be miserable, and my real work is not getting done.
It was like a slow poison, hearing their awful, hateful opinions every day. I filed a formal letter at one point, to inform management that I had overheard sexist comments, racist jokes, and even the comment "atheists are stupid," and suggested that surely this was also happening in earshot of customers. There was a special meeting and the deplorables knocked it off... for about two weeks.
After seven years of working at this place, I remember a few times crying after work with rage and despair. It is very unpleasant, coming to terms with the fact that so many people are so small-minded and vindictive. But you already know that people with these opinions exist; you have seen from the news media in the last year how much value is added from "understanding" them. In my opinion, it probably isn't worth staying at a job where you must endure this garbage being directed at you, personally. You don't deserve it. No one deserves that. If you don't have to do this to yourself, don't.
posted by heatvision at 4:08 AM on February 10, 2018
You should probably try not to work at a place where the boss agrees that workplace harassment is caused by seductive painted women, and his wife the head of HR thinks most of the MeToo people are making it up.
posted by d. z. wang at 7:31 AM on February 10, 2018
posted by d. z. wang at 7:31 AM on February 10, 2018
Yeah, short term: headphones, find like-minded people and be kind to them, set yourself a challenge to be blandly pleasant/courteous to the jerks and reward yourself on a regular basis for succeeding. Take advantage of all training and networking opportunities you can get at this company's expense. Find a hobby or activity outside work that will let you express yourself fully, and maybe even advance some of the causes you care about. Keep a list of the things behaviours you notice here and don't want to see in your next workplace. Think about how their opposites might manifest in a corporate environment/culture. Research other employers. Use all your paid time off and benefits.
Long term: GTF outta there. They don't deserve you, and you deserve better. Your life-energy is valuable and finite. Shine your light where you want to see more.
posted by rpfields at 8:20 AM on February 10, 2018
Long term: GTF outta there. They don't deserve you, and you deserve better. Your life-energy is valuable and finite. Shine your light where you want to see more.
posted by rpfields at 8:20 AM on February 10, 2018
Keep your head down, claim you don't follow politics if someone is trying to get you into a discussion, set up your social media so your boss can't see too much about you, wear clothing and makeup that fits in at your workplace (which probably isn't actually no makeup). Work on your resume.
If you really need to have work contacts on your social media, one option is to create a second account with a different name on it for your friends. Keep it locked down, and don't friend your primary account from it.
As a feminist, I also don't feel as confident negotiating a salary if needed or worse, tackling a HR issue with the HR person, who happens to be the boss's wife
Well, they won't know you consider yourself a feminist unless you tell them. If you need to negotiate for a higher salary, dig up some confidence somewhere and do it.
You are unlikely to be able to tackle any HR issues around your workplace culture or boss's behavior with the boss's wife. Don't try. Work on your resume.
Join the professional organizations for women in your industry, because you need to do some networking and find a new job.
posted by yohko at 6:29 PM on February 11, 2018
If you really need to have work contacts on your social media, one option is to create a second account with a different name on it for your friends. Keep it locked down, and don't friend your primary account from it.
As a feminist, I also don't feel as confident negotiating a salary if needed or worse, tackling a HR issue with the HR person, who happens to be the boss's wife
Well, they won't know you consider yourself a feminist unless you tell them. If you need to negotiate for a higher salary, dig up some confidence somewhere and do it.
You are unlikely to be able to tackle any HR issues around your workplace culture or boss's behavior with the boss's wife. Don't try. Work on your resume.
Join the professional organizations for women in your industry, because you need to do some networking and find a new job.
posted by yohko at 6:29 PM on February 11, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:35 PM on February 9, 2018