If we quote any Bible verses, the urns will be rollin'
October 17, 2017 6:44 PM Subscribe
It appears it will fall to me to say some words at the interment of my grandparents' ashes. Help me find a light-hearted, even irreverent poem or very short reading, nothing religious or overly emotional!
Frankly, all of the words have already been said at my grandparents' respective funerals. From what I understand, the interment is very simple: the family gathers and puts the urns in the niche and that's it. There will no religious aspect to the ceremony.
But I'd still like to come prepared with a little something to say. Light-hearted would be best. I loved my grandparents dearly, but we are not an effusive, emotional family at all.
Sing-songy rhymes of the Hallmark variety make me want to throw up in my mouth a little and would likely elicit a similar reaction from other family members. I'd prefer to lean more towards the irreverent than the sappy. I mean, Grandma and Grandpa would have much rather had their ashes spread from a helicopter over Hawaii, but they're getting stuck in a niche in a cemetery instead. So let's make the best of it, I guess?
Frankly, all of the words have already been said at my grandparents' respective funerals. From what I understand, the interment is very simple: the family gathers and puts the urns in the niche and that's it. There will no religious aspect to the ceremony.
But I'd still like to come prepared with a little something to say. Light-hearted would be best. I loved my grandparents dearly, but we are not an effusive, emotional family at all.
Sing-songy rhymes of the Hallmark variety make me want to throw up in my mouth a little and would likely elicit a similar reaction from other family members. I'd prefer to lean more towards the irreverent than the sappy. I mean, Grandma and Grandpa would have much rather had their ashes spread from a helicopter over Hawaii, but they're getting stuck in a niche in a cemetery instead. So let's make the best of it, I guess?
Maybe you could read the last two stanzas of the lyrics from Frank Turner's song "Long Live the Queen" as poetry?
Well I was working on some words when Sarah called me upposted by wenestvedt at 7:44 PM on October 17, 2017
She said that Lex had gone asleep and wasn't waking up
And even though I knew that there was nothing to be done
I felt bad for not being there and now, well, she was gone
So I tried to think what Lex would want me to do
At times like this when I was feeling blue
So I gathered up some friends to spread the sad, sad news
And we headed to the City for a drink or two
And we sang
"We live to dance another day
It's just now we have to dance for one more of us
So stop looking so damn depressed
And sing with all our hearts, long live the Queen"
This suggestion depends on how irreverent you want to go. Maybe a few verses of the old music hall monologue "The Gravedigger's Wedding" might suit? I've done it in a few variety shows, changing a word here and there for modern ears, and it's always been a hit.
You, however, are the best judge of where that line between irreverent and tasteless falls.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:49 PM on October 17, 2017
You, however, are the best judge of where that line between irreverent and tasteless falls.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:49 PM on October 17, 2017
At my own funeral I want to point and laugh at Death, so I've asked to have read Wisława Szymborska's "On Death, Without Exaggeration". It also has a couple of very gently touching and life-affirming lines to go with the irreverence, but they're more in the vein of "This is how awesome life is," than "This is how much everybody loved my grandparents."
posted by Somnambulista at 2:34 AM on October 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Somnambulista at 2:34 AM on October 18, 2017 [2 favorites]
Lyrics to a recent song by Prefab Sprout:
The old magician takes the stage
His act has not improved with age
Observe the shabby hat and gloves
The tired act that no-one loves
There was a time he produced doves
A mirror and a puff of smoke
His mysteries are now a joke
His poor assistant black and blue
She's tired of being sawn in two
Hidden trapdoor, velvet cape
Still, from death there's no escape
Words of sympathy and tact
Only underline the fact
Death is a lousy disappearing act
Lord have mercy and be kind
When our faculties unwind
Overlook the hat and gloves
The tired act that no-one loves
There was a time we produced doves
The old magician takes the stage
With sleight of hand he’ll disengage
As dignified as you’ll allow
He’ll take his last, his final bow
He’s lost all his illusions now
posted by rollick at 10:28 AM on October 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
The old magician takes the stage
His act has not improved with age
Observe the shabby hat and gloves
The tired act that no-one loves
There was a time he produced doves
A mirror and a puff of smoke
His mysteries are now a joke
His poor assistant black and blue
She's tired of being sawn in two
Hidden trapdoor, velvet cape
Still, from death there's no escape
Words of sympathy and tact
Only underline the fact
Death is a lousy disappearing act
Lord have mercy and be kind
When our faculties unwind
Overlook the hat and gloves
The tired act that no-one loves
There was a time we produced doves
The old magician takes the stage
With sleight of hand he’ll disengage
As dignified as you’ll allow
He’ll take his last, his final bow
He’s lost all his illusions now
posted by rollick at 10:28 AM on October 18, 2017 [1 favorite]
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You could probably string together a whole secular humanist elegy out of material in Timequake.
I don't know any specific paragraph that works as a whole, but I'd start with these two lines:
All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental. ...
Listen: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different!
posted by SaltySalticid at 7:10 PM on October 17, 2017