A lovely person needs a really good tribute.

August 3, 2007 2:16 PM

I'm designing a funeral handout for a young woman who has died suddenly. Help me come up with ideas for a poem or verse or quote or something to include.

This girl was entertaining and unique. She was mildly autistic, so she definitely had a unique personality and some strange habits, and she sometimes had a hard time interacting with people, but she was also really interesting and smart. She was funny and artistic, astonishingly well read, and had a vivid and charming imagination. She loved nature and wild animals and her pets. She was not particularly religious, so I don't really want to put anything religious on this handout. I also don't want stuff about how she's home now or it was her time or she's at peace or anything like that - she was only 24, and this is an absolute tragedy. I just want something appropriate and peaceful that might reflect her personality a bit. "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost is an obvious choice. She liked to read history and science fiction, Terry Pratchett in particular. It seems like Terry Pratchett should have some kinda great quote for a situation like this, but I haven't found it yet.

I know most of you didn't know her, and I'm not sure what other clues to give. I'll appreciate any ideas, though.

posted by thirteenkiller to media & arts (24 comments total)

It's overused, maybe, but Wallace Stevens, "The Emperor of Ice Cream," has always struck me as something appropriate for the passing of the young. Not too cheery, though.
posted by adipocere at 2:27 PM on August 3, 2007

Pratchett quotes:

“It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.”



“"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it "Cats," he said eventually, "Cats are Nice”


Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...


Death isn't on line. If he was, there would be a sudden drop in the death rate. Although it'd be interesting to see if he'd post things like: DON'T YOU THINK I SOUND LIKE JAMES EARL JONES?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:36 PM on August 3, 2007

A funeral...handout? Is someone speaking about her at the funeral? I've never heard of this before.
posted by agregoli at 2:37 PM on August 3, 2007

All I can offer is a song recommendation: Sarah McLaughlin's I Will Remember You may be appropriate.

There's also couple Sarah Masen songs that may be good. (She is known as a Christian artist, but these songs are more life-oriented rather than after-life oriented, so to speak): Stories in My Pockets, and Tears Like Flowers. You could Google the lyrics, which might make an interesting reading. I could send you the songs if you like, as they are probably not easy to find at a retail store.
posted by The Deej at 2:44 PM on August 3, 2007

[[[[big hugs]]]]

I think that what you just wrote:
"She was funny and artistic, astonishingly well read, and had a vivid and charming imagination. She loved nature and wild animals and her pets."

Should be included somehow.
posted by k8t at 2:46 PM on August 3, 2007

We used Robert Frost's "Nothing Gold Can Stay" for my teenaged brother's funeral.
posted by headspace at 2:57 PM on August 3, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Roethke comes to mind:

Elegy for Jane
(My student, thrown by a horse)

I remember the neckcurls, limp and damp as tendrils;
And her quick look, a sidelong pickerel smile;
And how, once startled into talk, the light syllables leaped for her,
And she balanced in the delight of her thought,

A wren, happy, tail into the wind,
Her song trembling the twigs and small branches.
The shade sang with her;
The leaves, their whispers turned to kissing,
And the mould sang in the bleached valleys under the rose.

Oh, when she was sad, she cast herself down into such a pure depth,
Even a father could not find her:
Scraping her cheek against straw,
Stirring the clearest water.

My sparrow, you are not here,
Waiting like a fern, making a spiney shadow.
The sides of wet stones cannot console me,
Nor the moss, wound with the last light.

If only I could nudge you from this sleep,
My maimed darling, my skittery pigeon.
Over this damp grave I speak the words of my love:
I, with no rights in this matter,
Neither father nor lover.
posted by ottereroticist at 3:02 PM on August 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

There will be opportunities for people to speak at the visitation and funeral, and there is an obituary that describes her. I just have a page to fill in this publication.
posted by thirteenkiller at 3:07 PM on August 3, 2007

Nothing Gold Can Stay is a nice choice.
posted by sweetkid at 3:28 PM on August 3, 2007

How about Van Dyke's Gone From My Sight?
posted by browse at 3:38 PM on August 3, 2007

Agregoli: In US non-religious funeral practice, many families, even those which choose a private funeral/interment, will have some sort of visitation where familiy will receive visits from friends of the deceased. Generally, the funeral home (or whomever is hosting the visitation) will have some sort of card/folder with the pertinent facts about the deceased. These often include a poem or quote either applicable to the deceased, or a favorite. (My mother chose "Remember" by Christina Rossetti for my dad's funeral; my father in law had selected the lyrics of "This is My Father's World" for his.)

My daughter once attended a funeral for a classmate which had half a dozen speakers. I recently attended a memorial service for a school music director which ran 90 minutes, and had over a dozen speakers and four musical groups (the funeral was private).
posted by jlkr at 3:49 PM on August 3, 2007

A Pratchett quote sounds like the crassest thing imaginable, unless it was really personally appropriate.

The best thing for this I think I've ever read was written by Plato: "Formerly you shone among the living like the star of dawn. Now, dead, you shine like the evening star among the departed."

For some context, this quote can be found as an epigraph to Shelley's poem Adonais, an elegy written for John Keats who died at the age of 25.

As Plato wrote it in Greek, you can even change the wording a little if you'd like.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 3:54 PM on August 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Do not stand at my grave and weep was chosen by a dear friend of mine for her funeral--might fit as it's non-religious and naturey
posted by kelseyq at 4:27 PM on August 3, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I don't have the book Night Watch with me - but it's one of the Pratchetts that I seem to remember deals with death and loss and might have a good quote in it. I don't think it's crass at all, if you choose a good quote. Terry Pratchett can be quite philosophical and thoughtful, and I wouldn't mind him quoted at my funeral. Sorry for your loss.
posted by selfmedicating at 4:37 PM on August 3, 2007

Thou are gone from my gaze like a beautiful dream,
And I seek thee in vain by the meadow and stream.
- George Linley, 1798 - 1865

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
(Blade Runner)
posted by misha at 8:18 PM on August 3, 2007

Nobody here knew her like you did. Your post contains affection, knowledge of your dear friend, and evidence of your eloquence. There is no real need to quote any passage or poem unless you want to; simply say to those assembled what you said in your post.

Your friend sounds like a sweet and beautiful person and I am so sorry for your great loss.
posted by longsleeves at 9:55 PM on August 3, 2007

My Fav poem

The Planter's daughter

When night stirred at Sea
and the fire bought a crowd in
they say that her beauty was music in mouth.

and few in the candelight thought her too proud
for the house of the Planter is known by the trees.

Men that had seen her drank deep and were silent,
the women were speaking wherever she went
like a bell that is rung,
or a wonder told shyly.....

And, Oh!, she was the Sunday in every week.


But seriously, I would write what you posted here. I would be proud if a friend wrote that for my wake! So sorry for your loss.
posted by Wilder at 12:54 AM on August 4, 2007

We looked through things here last night for a while. Nothing Gold Can Stay and Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep seemed nice, but nothing really seems right. I think we're not ready to be consoled, and all our elderly Catholic relatives aren't ready for Terry Pratchett. So we will just write something short and personal. Thanks everyone.
posted by thirteenkiller at 5:58 AM on August 4, 2007

Or maybe we're going with Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep. This is hard!
posted by thirteenkiller at 7:51 AM on August 4, 2007

Sometimes there are no right words. I'm so sorry for your loss.
posted by ottereroticist at 9:55 AM on August 4, 2007

Sometimes the right words are your own; honestly spoken, without artifice, clever metaphors or someone else's meanings. Just say what you said about this person, what they meant to you and how you will miss and remember them.
posted by baggers at 10:12 AM on August 4, 2007

Someone sang Jackson Browne's For A Dancer at a recent memorial service, and it was beautiful.

But I agree: the best words are probably your own. I'm so sorry, thirteen killer.
posted by salvia at 3:40 PM on August 4, 2007

Hmm, thirteenkiller, if you're still looking, there are some options here. For nature and animal stuff, skim these books. Some Shel Silverstein poems might work, too.

Whatever you choose will be good.
posted by salvia at 3:58 PM on August 4, 2007

Very sorry that you're looking for such a thing. Here's the beginning of one that might be appropriate:

SOME PEOPLE
Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same.

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go... Some stay for awhile
and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware
of the delicate winds of hope...
and we discover within every human spirit
there are wings yearning to fly.

...

~~by Flavia Weedn~~

Link
posted by circumspect at 4:08 PM on August 4, 2007