So helpful. So responsible.
March 2, 2016 2:09 PM Subscribe
How can I stop doing work that my male co-workers are nimbly avoiding doing? Or, alternatively, get credit for it?
I find myself doing an lot of unsexy but critical invisible work. (I am not talking about 'replacing the toner cartridge' here.)
I'm a senior manager, along with my male colleagues. However when it comes time to do the tedious work of compiling the next twenty steps that need to be assigned and accomplished on a project, I do that. When it come times to summarize 'where we are and where we need to go and how we should get there', I do that. When it comes time to read the manual and distill the key points for people too lazy to read it, there I am.
When it comes time to take credit for a project, somehow, I watch them take credit, for the project, for my real ideas, for the responsibilities and risks that I have taken and I consistently watch them get glamorous projects with greater responsibility. I will make a statement on the phone, and then they will repeat it seven minutes later and someone will say, 'that's a great point, Steve'. (I've confirmed this with others, I'm not imagining this.)
They're like magical forest creatures.
I like working collaboratively, and while I'm not in love with my coworkers, they're okay and can be funny now and then and I have genuine professional respect for some of them. We are about the same age and experience level.
I do cc people and make sure I'm public in my work. I am assertive. I have talked to people about this and feel consistently that I'm experiencing gaslighting. This is not about roles--our roles are a jumble and that's an organizational problem that isn't going away.
This is also not about me being unable to tell the difference between important and not important --- if I did not do the above listed things, the project(s) would fail, and I would be thrown under the bus. If something crashes and burns, I don't know how they manage to remove themselves from the scene of the crime so quickly. I assume it's more magic.
Is there some sort of corporate strategy for this that I could be engaging in? Am I playing checkers to chess?
Please bear with me here: I know I'm a little venty right now so if some of this sounds like bullshit hyperbole please give me the benefit of the doubt and ask, I'm trying to represent this frustration as accurately as I can. It is very, very real.
I find myself doing an lot of unsexy but critical invisible work. (I am not talking about 'replacing the toner cartridge' here.)
I'm a senior manager, along with my male colleagues. However when it comes time to do the tedious work of compiling the next twenty steps that need to be assigned and accomplished on a project, I do that. When it come times to summarize 'where we are and where we need to go and how we should get there', I do that. When it comes time to read the manual and distill the key points for people too lazy to read it, there I am.
When it comes time to take credit for a project, somehow, I watch them take credit, for the project, for my real ideas, for the responsibilities and risks that I have taken and I consistently watch them get glamorous projects with greater responsibility. I will make a statement on the phone, and then they will repeat it seven minutes later and someone will say, 'that's a great point, Steve'. (I've confirmed this with others, I'm not imagining this.)
They're like magical forest creatures.
I like working collaboratively, and while I'm not in love with my coworkers, they're okay and can be funny now and then and I have genuine professional respect for some of them. We are about the same age and experience level.
I do cc people and make sure I'm public in my work. I am assertive. I have talked to people about this and feel consistently that I'm experiencing gaslighting. This is not about roles--our roles are a jumble and that's an organizational problem that isn't going away.
This is also not about me being unable to tell the difference between important and not important --- if I did not do the above listed things, the project(s) would fail, and I would be thrown under the bus. If something crashes and burns, I don't know how they manage to remove themselves from the scene of the crime so quickly. I assume it's more magic.
Is there some sort of corporate strategy for this that I could be engaging in? Am I playing checkers to chess?
Please bear with me here: I know I'm a little venty right now so if some of this sounds like bullshit hyperbole please give me the benefit of the doubt and ask, I'm trying to represent this frustration as accurately as I can. It is very, very real.
I will make a statement on the phone, and then they will repeat it seven minutes later and someone will say, 'that's a great point, Steve'.
No, no you are not imagining this at all. I have had literally this exact thing (right down to the same piece of shit Steve, god damnit Steve) happen to me over and over and over and over.
I was unable to find a solution in my personal Steve environment, but a few things helped:
1) Putting EVERYTHING into emails and referring to them regularly. Reply to your own emails when you answer questions for people and say things like "per my earlier email (see below), the blah blah blah."
1a) If it jibes with the way that you work, micromanage yourself over email and cc your boss/whomever. On Monday morning send an email with the list of things you need to do that week. Call them action items or something, idk. And at the end of the day on Friday, send another email updating where you stand on your list from Monday, noting what you did and if there's anything outstanding, and naming names of people you're waiting on where appropriate.
2) Finding a male ally. I realize this a tall order. I had ONE guy in my Steve situation who knew I was with it and totally had my back, and he pretty regularly popped in with "phunniemee just said that" and "phunniemee did that for you already last week" when he noticed it happening. He was a godsend. If you can find even one guy there who can be on your team, that can help.
2a) Don't even get me started on how stabby it makes me feel that the best solution is "have a guy defend you" but some asshats just will. not. hear. women's voices.
3) Find a new job where women make up at least 50% of the team. I can't even begin to tell you how much this will improve your quality of life.
posted by phunniemee at 2:28 PM on March 2, 2016 [92 favorites]
No, no you are not imagining this at all. I have had literally this exact thing (right down to the same piece of shit Steve, god damnit Steve) happen to me over and over and over and over.
I was unable to find a solution in my personal Steve environment, but a few things helped:
1) Putting EVERYTHING into emails and referring to them regularly. Reply to your own emails when you answer questions for people and say things like "per my earlier email (see below), the blah blah blah."
1a) If it jibes with the way that you work, micromanage yourself over email and cc your boss/whomever. On Monday morning send an email with the list of things you need to do that week. Call them action items or something, idk. And at the end of the day on Friday, send another email updating where you stand on your list from Monday, noting what you did and if there's anything outstanding, and naming names of people you're waiting on where appropriate.
2) Finding a male ally. I realize this a tall order. I had ONE guy in my Steve situation who knew I was with it and totally had my back, and he pretty regularly popped in with "phunniemee just said that" and "phunniemee did that for you already last week" when he noticed it happening. He was a godsend. If you can find even one guy there who can be on your team, that can help.
2a) Don't even get me started on how stabby it makes me feel that the best solution is "have a guy defend you" but some asshats just will. not. hear. women's voices.
3) Find a new job where women make up at least 50% of the team. I can't even begin to tell you how much this will improve your quality of life.
posted by phunniemee at 2:28 PM on March 2, 2016 [92 favorites]
You might find the "bitch in business" thread helpful, or maybe just rage-feeding. At least you will know you are not alone, so the gaslighting won't work.
posted by headnsouth at 2:32 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by headnsouth at 2:32 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
I don't know that this is a viable solution, but where possible, do not collaborate?
The magic you're observing is centuries of patriarchy at work. A male advocate would be great, because they only seem to be able to hear one another speak (half facetious here).
posted by purple_bird at 2:42 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
The magic you're observing is centuries of patriarchy at work. A male advocate would be great, because they only seem to be able to hear one another speak (half facetious here).
posted by purple_bird at 2:42 PM on March 2, 2016 [1 favorite]
I agree 110% with phunniemee, and would add more favorites there if I could. I'm just dropping in to add a minor point or two about the best I've ever seen, which modify how you act on calls (and implement phunniemee's suggestion).
The best way I've ever seen anyone handle this is 1) during the initial meeting or phone call, don't throw out your ideas (wait, write them down). Then 2) post-meeting, write out a detailed list of ideas. Then for the next actual phone or in person meeting, bring in your list, and hand out it out the start of meeting to every single person. Then state ...per the "list of ideas we wanted to do for Y, here are some followup suggestions/ideas". 4) Then when Doofus repeats the idea, I've actually seen the person wait, let Doofus blather on for a few minutes, and then say,...yes, Doofus, as you can see on bullet point 2. I do believe it helps for other people to back you, and the best times that I've seen is when managers and supervisors catch on, but their mileage may vary.
Also, for the "distilling" etc....No. If someone asks you to review and they don't remember the manual, or whatever, send them a link and they get to go reread it. If someone needs lots of handholding, okay, they get (limit the time) 1 hour max, and then send them away, but not do the whole thing for them.
I've also known a person who point blank told people - "I have my projects, I don't have the bandwidth to do yours - if you still don't know how to do it, notify person X, and if they assign that project to me, I'll do it." But put the onus back on them.
One small thing for the projects that you want. If you gave a good rapport with your managers, etc., I used to go in...right after you hand off something they like, sit down, ask what is coming up on the queue for projects, and state then that you would really really like to do that project or project X. Then state it again at a later point.
posted by Wolfster at 2:51 PM on March 2, 2016 [24 favorites]
The best way I've ever seen anyone handle this is 1) during the initial meeting or phone call, don't throw out your ideas (wait, write them down). Then 2) post-meeting, write out a detailed list of ideas. Then for the next actual phone or in person meeting, bring in your list, and hand out it out the start of meeting to every single person. Then state ...per the "list of ideas we wanted to do for Y, here are some followup suggestions/ideas". 4) Then when Doofus repeats the idea, I've actually seen the person wait, let Doofus blather on for a few minutes, and then say,...yes, Doofus, as you can see on bullet point 2. I do believe it helps for other people to back you, and the best times that I've seen is when managers and supervisors catch on, but their mileage may vary.
Also, for the "distilling" etc....No. If someone asks you to review and they don't remember the manual, or whatever, send them a link and they get to go reread it. If someone needs lots of handholding, okay, they get (limit the time) 1 hour max, and then send them away, but not do the whole thing for them.
I've also known a person who point blank told people - "I have my projects, I don't have the bandwidth to do yours - if you still don't know how to do it, notify person X, and if they assign that project to me, I'll do it." But put the onus back on them.
One small thing for the projects that you want. If you gave a good rapport with your managers, etc., I used to go in...right after you hand off something they like, sit down, ask what is coming up on the queue for projects, and state then that you would really really like to do that project or project X. Then state it again at a later point.
posted by Wolfster at 2:51 PM on March 2, 2016 [24 favorites]
will. not. hear. women's voices
Another reason to consider doing everything in writing: I recall reading an anecdote where one of the problems was hearing loss in an older man who literally could not hear the higher pitched voices of women as well as the lower pitched voices of men. So perhaps people are sometimes honestly failing to hear every word you said and sometimes not catching the details until Steve says it. In which case, phone calls may continue to be a poor way to communicate.
posted by Michele in California at 3:07 PM on March 2, 2016
Another reason to consider doing everything in writing: I recall reading an anecdote where one of the problems was hearing loss in an older man who literally could not hear the higher pitched voices of women as well as the lower pitched voices of men. So perhaps people are sometimes honestly failing to hear every word you said and sometimes not catching the details until Steve says it. In which case, phone calls may continue to be a poor way to communicate.
posted by Michele in California at 3:07 PM on March 2, 2016
You are not imagining it. It is real.
I have struggled with this my career and I can really only offer you sympathy and an empathic, supportive, I BELIEVE YOU. Although I can also offer two things that have helped me:
1.) Practice caring less when it doesn't actually impact you directly. Tina Fey addresses this in Bossy Pants, very well, I think. Basically - if this lack of recognition or disrespect is coming from people who don't make decisions for you or about you, fuck 'em. Stop caring, it is hurting you and they are completely oblivious to it. It's not your job or your life's duty to fix this problem wherever you see it. You can and should practice not caring if people respect you when they have no direct bearing on your ability to get shit done, your career advancement, or your financial rewards, etc. It's hard. It's grinding. However. If your boss doesn't recognize or respect you, that is demoralizing. In that case you need to...
2.) Decide whether you want to play their game, or if you want to spend your energy building a new playing field. It is exhausting asking for permission to be awesome from people who are less awesome than you. It can pay off -- if you have evidence that your effort will pay off in some measurable and obvious way, you can keep your eyes on the prize. However, if you find yourself spending extra effort just to keep afloat and all you are building is someone else's ego? Why not pare back to the bare minimum, and spend that extra effort building your own business? Or visualizing success elsewhere?
Hang in there. You're not imagining things, I promise.
posted by pazazygeek at 4:49 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
I have struggled with this my career and I can really only offer you sympathy and an empathic, supportive, I BELIEVE YOU. Although I can also offer two things that have helped me:
1.) Practice caring less when it doesn't actually impact you directly. Tina Fey addresses this in Bossy Pants, very well, I think. Basically - if this lack of recognition or disrespect is coming from people who don't make decisions for you or about you, fuck 'em. Stop caring, it is hurting you and they are completely oblivious to it. It's not your job or your life's duty to fix this problem wherever you see it. You can and should practice not caring if people respect you when they have no direct bearing on your ability to get shit done, your career advancement, or your financial rewards, etc. It's hard. It's grinding. However. If your boss doesn't recognize or respect you, that is demoralizing. In that case you need to...
2.) Decide whether you want to play their game, or if you want to spend your energy building a new playing field. It is exhausting asking for permission to be awesome from people who are less awesome than you. It can pay off -- if you have evidence that your effort will pay off in some measurable and obvious way, you can keep your eyes on the prize. However, if you find yourself spending extra effort just to keep afloat and all you are building is someone else's ego? Why not pare back to the bare minimum, and spend that extra effort building your own business? Or visualizing success elsewhere?
Hang in there. You're not imagining things, I promise.
posted by pazazygeek at 4:49 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
I was in a meeting where they asked my opinion, and then turned around and asked THE YOUNGER GUY WHOM I'VE MENTORED SINCE HIS INTERNSHIP if that was a good idea.
BITCH I TAUGHT YOU ALL YOU KNOW BOW DOWN BEFORE ME
Anyways the way I combat this is to call it out. Take credit for my idea? say "oh I agree Steve that's a great point... which is why I said it 5 minutes ago!" (pause for lulz) "and in addition....[other brilliance that builds on that idea and shows that I have already fleshed it out way more than Steve ever could] so what do you all think?"
Doesn't win me Miss Congeniality but it combats the stabbiness.
Man I feel stabby for you. I'm so sorry.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 5:06 PM on March 2, 2016 [14 favorites]
BITCH I TAUGHT YOU ALL YOU KNOW BOW DOWN BEFORE ME
Anyways the way I combat this is to call it out. Take credit for my idea? say "oh I agree Steve that's a great point... which is why I said it 5 minutes ago!" (pause for lulz) "and in addition....[other brilliance that builds on that idea and shows that I have already fleshed it out way more than Steve ever could] so what do you all think?"
Doesn't win me Miss Congeniality but it combats the stabbiness.
Man I feel stabby for you. I'm so sorry.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 5:06 PM on March 2, 2016 [14 favorites]
I learned a long time ago of the importance of not choosing to take on thankless scutwork. Allow me to regale you with an anecdote:
At 18, I was waitressing at a local diner. I often worked a combined breakfast and lunch shift. In the late morning, there was often a lull. I got bored, and, looking for something to do, started going around to all the tables filling the salt and pepper shakers and ketchup bottles. Previously that was a task that was assigned to no one, and would only be done as needed.
One day, I had a particularly busy morning, and at the end of my shift hadn't had any downtime, so I never topped off the condiments as I normally did. My father came to pick me up, and as I was walking out the door, an older waitress called me back, and with a nasty tone of voice told me I couldn't leave until I'd "done my job" and filled everything. I explained that it wasn't in fact my job, but could tell she was unconvinced. As I was leaving, she called over the manager and we had a repeat of the conversation. Obviously they both thought I was being an irresponsible young brat trying to shirk my duties. I left anyway, but never heard the end of it and quit a short time later.
I learned so much from that experience. My whole conception of the world changed. It wasn't true that hard work is rewarded or even noticed. I had received zero appreciation for doing extra work, that work had just "become my job" in the minds of the people I worked with.
You've made the mistake of taking on more than your fair share of thankless duties that aren't assigned to you. Lesson #1 would be not to do that in future jobs. It will be harder to decline these tasks at your current job than it would be to simply never take them on in the first place, but it's gotta be done.
Since you say you believe projects may crash and burn without you doing the scutwork, I think it's important for you to document, in writing, what you believe needs to be done, that in the past you have done it, but from now on it needs to be divvied up. You might even suggest particular people for particular tasks, based on their skillset. Even if people ignore you, you've done your part by broaching this issue in a medium that cannot later be denied.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 6:37 PM on March 2, 2016 [22 favorites]
At 18, I was waitressing at a local diner. I often worked a combined breakfast and lunch shift. In the late morning, there was often a lull. I got bored, and, looking for something to do, started going around to all the tables filling the salt and pepper shakers and ketchup bottles. Previously that was a task that was assigned to no one, and would only be done as needed.
One day, I had a particularly busy morning, and at the end of my shift hadn't had any downtime, so I never topped off the condiments as I normally did. My father came to pick me up, and as I was walking out the door, an older waitress called me back, and with a nasty tone of voice told me I couldn't leave until I'd "done my job" and filled everything. I explained that it wasn't in fact my job, but could tell she was unconvinced. As I was leaving, she called over the manager and we had a repeat of the conversation. Obviously they both thought I was being an irresponsible young brat trying to shirk my duties. I left anyway, but never heard the end of it and quit a short time later.
I learned so much from that experience. My whole conception of the world changed. It wasn't true that hard work is rewarded or even noticed. I had received zero appreciation for doing extra work, that work had just "become my job" in the minds of the people I worked with.
You've made the mistake of taking on more than your fair share of thankless duties that aren't assigned to you. Lesson #1 would be not to do that in future jobs. It will be harder to decline these tasks at your current job than it would be to simply never take them on in the first place, but it's gotta be done.
Since you say you believe projects may crash and burn without you doing the scutwork, I think it's important for you to document, in writing, what you believe needs to be done, that in the past you have done it, but from now on it needs to be divvied up. You might even suggest particular people for particular tasks, based on their skillset. Even if people ignore you, you've done your part by broaching this issue in a medium that cannot later be denied.
posted by mysterious_stranger at 6:37 PM on March 2, 2016 [22 favorites]
Yep, this happens to me all the time too. Agree with everything said above.
I just read this tonight and liked it: Four Ways Women Can Strategically Tout Their Accomplishments
posted by triggerfinger at 7:43 PM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]
I just read this tonight and liked it: Four Ways Women Can Strategically Tout Their Accomplishments
posted by triggerfinger at 7:43 PM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]
I have this problem. I literally have started shutting up and sitting on my thumbs when these opportunities to do the office "house work" arrive and give a very, "what?" expression or avert eye contact when people look to me. It's hard to do - but give a practice once or twice and see how it feels. If things crash and burn, make sure you are hiding in your office, door closed, on a conference call with some "very important" client.
posted by Toddles at 8:18 PM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Toddles at 8:18 PM on March 2, 2016 [5 favorites]
It might help to know why you're the one summarizing, compiling, and distilling for others. Do you volunteer? If so, why? If you didn't volunteer, would some disaster happen?
All this unsexy, invisible work may indeed be critical. Someone really does have to do it? That someone doesn't have to be you. Start practicing silence when it comes time to volunteer for it. Say nothing. If you get expectant looks or presumptive emails, practice the old Metafilter standby: "That won't be possible." Keep practicing. Give a brief justification if you have to, citing bandwidth or even "It's time for someone else to volunteer for this."
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 9:13 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
All this unsexy, invisible work may indeed be critical. Someone really does have to do it? That someone doesn't have to be you. Start practicing silence when it comes time to volunteer for it. Say nothing. If you get expectant looks or presumptive emails, practice the old Metafilter standby: "That won't be possible." Keep practicing. Give a brief justification if you have to, citing bandwidth or even "It's time for someone else to volunteer for this."
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 9:13 PM on March 2, 2016 [2 favorites]
I learned a long time ago of the importance of not choosing to take on thankless scutwork.
Yeah, I'd be careful about how much of the tedious work you accept. I can't tell if this is one of those things where anyone could read and summarize the manual? Early on, someone or some book told me that as a female at a certain middle level of leadership, I needed to suppress certain instincts, like the urge to offer coffee to everyone at the meeting, as this was a self-demotion from being "one of the people sitting at the table making the decisions" to "the person who brings coffee to the decision makers at the table." Yes, it is bullshit that the world works this way, and it doesn't always work this way (and in fact, when I reached the next leadership level, I had to learn that bringing muffins occasionally was now arguably part of leading the team), and I'm not sure it even applies to your example. But I've tried to keep that general concept in mind.
posted by salvia at 10:55 PM on March 2, 2016
Yeah, I'd be careful about how much of the tedious work you accept. I can't tell if this is one of those things where anyone could read and summarize the manual? Early on, someone or some book told me that as a female at a certain middle level of leadership, I needed to suppress certain instincts, like the urge to offer coffee to everyone at the meeting, as this was a self-demotion from being "one of the people sitting at the table making the decisions" to "the person who brings coffee to the decision makers at the table." Yes, it is bullshit that the world works this way, and it doesn't always work this way (and in fact, when I reached the next leadership level, I had to learn that bringing muffins occasionally was now arguably part of leading the team), and I'm not sure it even applies to your example. But I've tried to keep that general concept in mind.
posted by salvia at 10:55 PM on March 2, 2016
Ugh, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this crap; as others have noted, it's real, and it's obnoxious. Something that helped me a lot is the book What Works for Women at Work--it's an analysis of four common patterns of bias women run into in their workplaces, plus useful, practical suggestions for working around them. The intro (which contains brief descriptions of the patterns) is available here: http://nyupress.org/webchapters/williams_dempsey_intro.pdf
posted by guybrush_threepwood at 12:12 AM on March 3, 2016
posted by guybrush_threepwood at 12:12 AM on March 3, 2016
(I've confirmed this with others, I'm not imagining this.)
I believe you, and this behavior is bullshit. Can you not enlist the person mentioned above to speak out on your behalf the next time it happens?
posted by Brittanie at 2:06 AM on March 3, 2016
I believe you, and this behavior is bullshit. Can you not enlist the person mentioned above to speak out on your behalf the next time it happens?
posted by Brittanie at 2:06 AM on March 3, 2016
One thing that I do if someone reiterates my points or ideas is to be a total smart-ass about it:
"Deja vu!"
"Is there an echo in here?"
"Catch up Steve, I said that ten minutes ago."
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
You get the idea.
As for the distillation of abstracts and what-not, don't do that unless it's just for yourself.
When someone starts to take credit for your hard work, you can say, "I'm going to stop you here Steve. While you had some input, the majority of the work came from me."
These guys actually think they contributed more than they did, they actually believe that it's their idea, so don't be surprised if they act accordingly. White guys actually believe that they deserve their privilege and that others were put on this Earth to assist them in their glorious existence.
It is our responsibility to disabuse them of this notion early and often.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:54 AM on March 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
"Deja vu!"
"Is there an echo in here?"
"Catch up Steve, I said that ten minutes ago."
"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
You get the idea.
As for the distillation of abstracts and what-not, don't do that unless it's just for yourself.
When someone starts to take credit for your hard work, you can say, "I'm going to stop you here Steve. While you had some input, the majority of the work came from me."
These guys actually think they contributed more than they did, they actually believe that it's their idea, so don't be surprised if they act accordingly. White guys actually believe that they deserve their privilege and that others were put on this Earth to assist them in their glorious existence.
It is our responsibility to disabuse them of this notion early and often.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 5:54 AM on March 3, 2016 [9 favorites]
I will make a statement on the phone, and then they will repeat it seven minutes later
Use email and make sure you cc the people you need to impress. If someone tries to take credit for what you say, remind everyone within cc range that that was exactly what you were saying two emails previously. Don't be shy to quote yourself.
If you somehow get stuck writing the reports and presentations, edit those fuckers to credit who actually deserves the credit. Pretend it's movie billing. If you did most of it, put your name in big fucking bright letters under the title ("Author: Me, motherfuckers"). If someone contributed but not as much as you contributed, they get smaller type on a lower row with no "Author" before their name. If someone contributed a table or a page, put his name at the bottom of that table or page ("Source: Schmucko McSchumckles") in smaller type. If someone contributed essentially nothing, leave him out. Give no credit where no credit is due.
posted by pracowity at 7:13 AM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
Use email and make sure you cc the people you need to impress. If someone tries to take credit for what you say, remind everyone within cc range that that was exactly what you were saying two emails previously. Don't be shy to quote yourself.
If you somehow get stuck writing the reports and presentations, edit those fuckers to credit who actually deserves the credit. Pretend it's movie billing. If you did most of it, put your name in big fucking bright letters under the title ("Author: Me, motherfuckers"). If someone contributed but not as much as you contributed, they get smaller type on a lower row with no "Author" before their name. If someone contributed a table or a page, put his name at the bottom of that table or page ("Source: Schmucko McSchumckles") in smaller type. If someone contributed essentially nothing, leave him out. Give no credit where no credit is due.
posted by pracowity at 7:13 AM on March 3, 2016 [2 favorites]
When a guy junior to me used to do this, I would just assert immediately, "I literally said that five minutes ago," "I LITERALLY just said that."
I don't hand hold. If someone emails me being like, I cannot read an email, I just send the relevant email right back. I don't over explain or do them favors. I am not HELPFUL. I am COMPETENT. I do my JOB. I do not do others' jobs.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:08 AM on March 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
I don't hand hold. If someone emails me being like, I cannot read an email, I just send the relevant email right back. I don't over explain or do them favors. I am not HELPFUL. I am COMPETENT. I do my JOB. I do not do others' jobs.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:08 AM on March 3, 2016 [4 favorites]
Shamelessly (but graciously!) chime in and subtly bring focus on yourself. Stick phrases like these between your information-containing sentences:
"I'm so glad you agree with me about the need to [masterplan]."
"I'm relieved that my concept for [masterplan] is gaining traction."
"[Mr. Credit Stealer], I like the direction you're taking this in, which I hadn't originally pictured for [masterplan]. "
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 2:02 PM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
"I'm so glad you agree with me about the need to [masterplan]."
"I'm relieved that my concept for [masterplan] is gaining traction."
"[Mr. Credit Stealer], I like the direction you're taking this in, which I hadn't originally pictured for [masterplan]. "
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 2:02 PM on March 3, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have an annoying ability to remember the time and place when conversations took place. So if anyone ever tries to claim credit for my ideas, I point out that it was my idea and reference the time and place that I shared the idea with them.
I don't mind being the logger of decisions and actions if there is no-one else I trust to do that - as Winston Churchill said, "History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." If I proposed an idea, I will record it as me proposing it and the outcome and action points. Rather than the passive "it was proposed that XXX". Document every meeting or discussion with an email that you can refer back to later. Even if it's a "A, B and C had a teleconference today and agreed that B would to X and that the project would do Y".
St Peepsburg has it - call them out. Refer back to those emails if needed. Soon enough, they won't be needed. If you do it right, you won't be seen as petty, they will be seen as wankers.
You shouldn't need to do this. But reality means that you do. So do it. Those coming through behind us will not have to deal with this. And for me, that's worth the pain.
Oh, and when it comes to taking on new work? Silence is the key. Wait for someone else to take it on. Silence is uncomfortable. Don't be the one to break the silence. (But if someone says "oh, maybe anonymous can do it?", feel free to say "I just don't have the bandwidth right now, and it seems like something that is more in Steve's wheelhouse" and go silent again and let Steve either take it on or push it on to someone else.
Good luck!
posted by finding.perdita at 4:33 AM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
I don't mind being the logger of decisions and actions if there is no-one else I trust to do that - as Winston Churchill said, "History will be kind to me for I intend to write it." If I proposed an idea, I will record it as me proposing it and the outcome and action points. Rather than the passive "it was proposed that XXX". Document every meeting or discussion with an email that you can refer back to later. Even if it's a "A, B and C had a teleconference today and agreed that B would to X and that the project would do Y".
St Peepsburg has it - call them out. Refer back to those emails if needed. Soon enough, they won't be needed. If you do it right, you won't be seen as petty, they will be seen as wankers.
You shouldn't need to do this. But reality means that you do. So do it. Those coming through behind us will not have to deal with this. And for me, that's worth the pain.
Oh, and when it comes to taking on new work? Silence is the key. Wait for someone else to take it on. Silence is uncomfortable. Don't be the one to break the silence. (But if someone says "oh, maybe anonymous can do it?", feel free to say "I just don't have the bandwidth right now, and it seems like something that is more in Steve's wheelhouse" and go silent again and let Steve either take it on or push it on to someone else.
Good luck!
posted by finding.perdita at 4:33 AM on March 4, 2016 [1 favorite]
I usually phrase less as "I literally just said that" and more as an approvingly enthusiastic "yes, that's exactly what I was saying! We need to --"
posted by Lady Li at 7:40 AM on March 4, 2016
posted by Lady Li at 7:40 AM on March 4, 2016
I usually phrase less as "I literally just said that" and more as an approvingly enthusiastic "yes, that's exactly what I was saying! We need to --"
Ha, I just realized! I do this too. I have a salesman who, though he doesn't steal my ideas or cover up the work I'm doing, is immensely condescending. (He does it to everyone, including my boss, his [male] peer.) When he instructs me to do something I already knew to do and probably already did, I enthusiastically agree with him and follow up with all the other parts of that thing that I also already did, so he knows I know already what to do, but can't claim I was nasty to him - I was just confirming that yes, we're on the same page about the right actions to take, and might even be a bit ahead of him on the list of things that need to be done. It actually cut down on some of the condescension, even. At the very least it means everyone else knows that I know what I'm doing and don't need his "supervision".
posted by dust.wind.dude at 8:11 AM on March 4, 2016
Ha, I just realized! I do this too. I have a salesman who, though he doesn't steal my ideas or cover up the work I'm doing, is immensely condescending. (He does it to everyone, including my boss, his [male] peer.) When he instructs me to do something I already knew to do and probably already did, I enthusiastically agree with him and follow up with all the other parts of that thing that I also already did, so he knows I know already what to do, but can't claim I was nasty to him - I was just confirming that yes, we're on the same page about the right actions to take, and might even be a bit ahead of him on the list of things that need to be done. It actually cut down on some of the condescension, even. At the very least it means everyone else knows that I know what I'm doing and don't need his "supervision".
posted by dust.wind.dude at 8:11 AM on March 4, 2016
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 2:17 PM on March 2, 2016