Becoming okay with the slow pace of change
November 24, 2015 7:03 PM Subscribe
In my quest for instant gratification, I lose patience with the fact that projects, goals, and behavioral changes often take a long time and require boring, repetitive actions. Positive change can seem imperceptible in the moment.
I am looking for blogs, books, meditations, and/or practices that will help me embrace the tiny, boring steps on a long road so that I don't give up when I feel insufficiently entertained.
How can I make the (slow) process satisfying in and of itself? (Or at least more tolerable).
I am looking for blogs, books, meditations, and/or practices that will help me embrace the tiny, boring steps on a long road so that I don't give up when I feel insufficiently entertained.
How can I make the (slow) process satisfying in and of itself? (Or at least more tolerable).
Have you tried long-distance hiking? It's a radical suggestion, but completing a 4 month walk (doesn't need to be that long) absolutely cemented for me how far you can go with slow means on a long road. I'll never lose that lesson. I managed more than 1200 miles on my own two feet.
It also taught me how not to be bored, so there's that too.
posted by frumiousb at 8:27 PM on November 24, 2015 [6 favorites]
It also taught me how not to be bored, so there's that too.
posted by frumiousb at 8:27 PM on November 24, 2015 [6 favorites]
practices
This is more for just making things tolerable. If it's a single, discrete task you need to do often (e.g. exercise, do housework, coursework, write), make a rule to do it every day, regardless of how you feel, and follow that rule until the activity's a habit.
(I've only successfully done this, that easily, with exercise, so far. I think it's easiest because it gets to be intrinsically rewarding pretty quickly. For other stuff, it's down to alarms [and bells & whistles] and other kinds of short-term rewards planned for immediately after the boring/good-for-you activity. The idea is to get you to tolerate the boredom/stress of the activity for long enough to get a medium-term reward from the activity itself.)
Choose one habit at a time, so it's not overwhelming. Or limit the change goals to a small number, and include at least one that has the promise of short-term fun within it, somewhere. (If it's not a heady thing, adding music always helps.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:35 PM on November 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
This is more for just making things tolerable. If it's a single, discrete task you need to do often (e.g. exercise, do housework, coursework, write), make a rule to do it every day, regardless of how you feel, and follow that rule until the activity's a habit.
(I've only successfully done this, that easily, with exercise, so far. I think it's easiest because it gets to be intrinsically rewarding pretty quickly. For other stuff, it's down to alarms [and bells & whistles] and other kinds of short-term rewards planned for immediately after the boring/good-for-you activity. The idea is to get you to tolerate the boredom/stress of the activity for long enough to get a medium-term reward from the activity itself.)
Choose one habit at a time, so it's not overwhelming. Or limit the change goals to a small number, and include at least one that has the promise of short-term fun within it, somewhere. (If it's not a heady thing, adding music always helps.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:35 PM on November 24, 2015 [8 favorites]
I'd recommend searching for 'mindfulness' exercises. They teach you to embrace the present. Like this one.
posted by hydra77 at 9:27 PM on November 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by hydra77 at 9:27 PM on November 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
A large variety of crafts have the qualities you seek. Fibercrafts specifically like embroidery, knitting, crochet, and needlepoint are all comprised of small repetitive actions that you have to pay close attention to that build up into impressive, rewarding, cherished results. To make the process rewarding you have lots of sensory payoff in textures, colors, being able to make things for people that they consider heirlooms, putting your own touch on your things and bringing new life to objects that might be otherwise worn out. The rhythm of these crafts is meditative, but their construction is challenging and pushes people to focus and ask for help from other experienced people.
posted by Mizu at 10:04 PM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 10:04 PM on November 24, 2015 [2 favorites]
I nth the building of practices and habits incrementally.
It also really helps if you have a group of supportive people rooting you on, this is why I also recommend you get those tasks (you can start with just a few) up on Health month and join the MF team - it makes it less tedious and even fun and rewarding!
Good luck!
posted by wallawallasweet at 10:27 PM on November 24, 2015
It also really helps if you have a group of supportive people rooting you on, this is why I also recommend you get those tasks (you can start with just a few) up on Health month and join the MF team - it makes it less tedious and even fun and rewarding!
Good luck!
posted by wallawallasweet at 10:27 PM on November 24, 2015
You have to pick a goal, really want that goal, break it into chunks and go at it every single day whether you want to that day or not. There's no other way around these things. Sometimes I pick a super successful person doing something similar and remind myself they have to put in the same discipline day in day out - for example "Tom Brady has to go for regular runs, too."
posted by sweetkid at 10:37 PM on November 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by sweetkid at 10:37 PM on November 24, 2015 [3 favorites]
I recommend Darren Hardy's "The Compound Effect" to my clients.
He's great at both discussing the WHY and the HOW of breaking down big goals into daily habits.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 2:21 AM on November 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
He's great at both discussing the WHY and the HOW of breaking down big goals into daily habits.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 2:21 AM on November 25, 2015 [3 favorites]
I struggle with this too.
Gretchen Ruben's blog on the growing heap really struck me, and I try to remember it when my motivation is low:
" 'If ten coins are not enough to make a man rich, what if you add one coin? What if you add another? Finally, you will have to say that no one can be rich unless one coin can make him so.'
Often, when we consider our actions, it’s clear that any one instance of an action is almost meaningless, yet at the same time, a sum of those actions is very meaningful. Whether we focus on the single coin, or the growing heap, will shape our behavior.
Take going to the gym. You don’t feel like going to the gym, and you say to yourself, 'What difference does one day make? It doesn’t matter if I skip today.'
True, any one visit to the gym is inconsequential, but the habit of going to the gym is invaluable. Does one visit to the gym make a person healthy? Ten visits? Eleven? Finally, you have to say that no one can be healthy unless one visit to the gym can make him or her so."
posted by Dwardles at 2:41 AM on November 25, 2015 [6 favorites]
Gretchen Ruben's blog on the growing heap really struck me, and I try to remember it when my motivation is low:
" 'If ten coins are not enough to make a man rich, what if you add one coin? What if you add another? Finally, you will have to say that no one can be rich unless one coin can make him so.'
Often, when we consider our actions, it’s clear that any one instance of an action is almost meaningless, yet at the same time, a sum of those actions is very meaningful. Whether we focus on the single coin, or the growing heap, will shape our behavior.
Take going to the gym. You don’t feel like going to the gym, and you say to yourself, 'What difference does one day make? It doesn’t matter if I skip today.'
True, any one visit to the gym is inconsequential, but the habit of going to the gym is invaluable. Does one visit to the gym make a person healthy? Ten visits? Eleven? Finally, you have to say that no one can be healthy unless one visit to the gym can make him or her so."
posted by Dwardles at 2:41 AM on November 25, 2015 [6 favorites]
Learn to see grace in ritual.
Understand the difference between competence and mastery. Competence is "I did it." Mastery is "I did it well." The difference between competence and mastery is time and practice. Learn to value mastery, learn to see that there are masters hidden everywhere, aspire to become one.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:58 AM on November 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Understand the difference between competence and mastery. Competence is "I did it." Mastery is "I did it well." The difference between competence and mastery is time and practice. Learn to value mastery, learn to see that there are masters hidden everywhere, aspire to become one.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:58 AM on November 25, 2015 [1 favorite]
Create a habit at HabitForge and watch your little circle get filled up with red dots.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 6:36 AM on November 25, 2015
posted by SuperSquirrel at 6:36 AM on November 25, 2015
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posted by pwally at 8:11 PM on November 24, 2015