I feel like an outsider, how to act?
October 24, 2015 2:44 AM
There is a group of people at work that I occasionally hang out with in non-work time. I am not invited to most of that stuff. Few times I have bumped into some of them when they were on their way to bar/pub and got a last minute invite. Should I go anyway?
I usually just go. I am single and live with a newish small city so it's not like I have a lot of friends. When I go, I can find a few people to talk to and have a reasonably good time. I always think that next time I will be on their "invite list" but I never am and keep being randomly invited last minute (or not at all).
The group is extroverted and I can be socially awkward so I don't entirely fit in. Another example is that one of the girls is getting married and everyone was invited months ago except for me. Then 2 weeks before the wedding, I receive an official invite in the mail. Why wasn't I on the first list?
I guess my main worry is that they see me as some sad person that has no friends and they make fun of me behind my back. Sort of like "yeah I feel bad for not inviting her, I probably should. She looks like she has no friends." And since I am always available last minute, it probably just confirms their thoughts.
I usually just go. I am single and live with a newish small city so it's not like I have a lot of friends. When I go, I can find a few people to talk to and have a reasonably good time. I always think that next time I will be on their "invite list" but I never am and keep being randomly invited last minute (or not at all).
The group is extroverted and I can be socially awkward so I don't entirely fit in. Another example is that one of the girls is getting married and everyone was invited months ago except for me. Then 2 weeks before the wedding, I receive an official invite in the mail. Why wasn't I on the first list?
I guess my main worry is that they see me as some sad person that has no friends and they make fun of me behind my back. Sort of like "yeah I feel bad for not inviting her, I probably should. She looks like she has no friends." And since I am always available last minute, it probably just confirms their thoughts.
I wouldn't overthink this. Sounds like it is a long-established group and they are just taking some time to get used to the fact that there is a new person in their midst. Keep accepting the invitations as they come, so long as you are enjoying their company. You might also want to consider initiating something and inviting them.
But, in general, while it is nice to have co-workers you can hang out with from time to time, it is also a good practice to have a life of your own that is not connected to your work. I suggest that you step up your efforts to meet other people by volunteering, taking a course, going to meet ups, etc. That will make your interactions with this group a lot less fraught.
posted by rpfields at 2:53 AM on October 24, 2015
But, in general, while it is nice to have co-workers you can hang out with from time to time, it is also a good practice to have a life of your own that is not connected to your work. I suggest that you step up your efforts to meet other people by volunteering, taking a course, going to meet ups, etc. That will make your interactions with this group a lot less fraught.
posted by rpfields at 2:53 AM on October 24, 2015
hey sabrina_r, help us out a bit; Whats the nature of your work (i.e.: are you a casual worker, a professional or a support worker in a professional set-up etc.), where do you live (roughly) and do you have any mental health issues you know of?
How many people do you work with? A big office or a little place?
posted by esto-again at 2:55 AM on October 24, 2015
How many people do you work with? A big office or a little place?
posted by esto-again at 2:55 AM on October 24, 2015
I am professional in a professional setting; half of the people in the group are support workers and this doesn't seem to matter. There is about 100 of people in the company but usually people keep to their own teams of 20 or so.
I have to admit that I would prefer if people didn't research my past questions. It's easy to see a pattern when there is none. Also, I usually post when I am down (as do most people), so it's easy to assume that things are always "bad" when there are good bits in between where I feel I don't need advice.
I give as much background as I feel is necessary to answer a question, so background reading shouldn't be necessary.
posted by sabina_r at 3:16 AM on October 24, 2015
I have to admit that I would prefer if people didn't research my past questions. It's easy to see a pattern when there is none. Also, I usually post when I am down (as do most people), so it's easy to assume that things are always "bad" when there are good bits in between where I feel I don't need advice.
I give as much background as I feel is necessary to answer a question, so background reading shouldn't be necessary.
posted by sabina_r at 3:16 AM on October 24, 2015
This is simple. They invited you. You want to go. So go, and just be yourself.
I always think that next time I will be on their "invite list" but I never am and keep being randomly invited last minute (or not at all).
You want to be on their invite list? Accept an invitiation when they invite you. If you all have a good time, they'll invite you out again. That's how this works.
Another example is that one of the girls is getting married and everyone was invited months ago except for me. Then 2 weeks before the wedding, I receive an official invite in the mail. Why wasn't I on the first list?
Because they didn't consider you a close friend. And they were correct; you aren't.
You get to be friends with someone by accepting their invitations when they ask you to come out with them, and then you build a relationship with them.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:37 AM on October 24, 2015
I always think that next time I will be on their "invite list" but I never am and keep being randomly invited last minute (or not at all).
You want to be on their invite list? Accept an invitiation when they invite you. If you all have a good time, they'll invite you out again. That's how this works.
Another example is that one of the girls is getting married and everyone was invited months ago except for me. Then 2 weeks before the wedding, I receive an official invite in the mail. Why wasn't I on the first list?
Because they didn't consider you a close friend. And they were correct; you aren't.
You get to be friends with someone by accepting their invitations when they ask you to come out with them, and then you build a relationship with them.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:37 AM on October 24, 2015
If they strongly disliked me, they wouldn't be inviting me at all, right?
posted by sabina_r at 6:05 AM on October 24, 2015
posted by sabina_r at 6:05 AM on October 24, 2015
Exactly. Plenty of people are ostracised by coworkers. But yours seem to be trying to reach out to you.
Assume good faith, accept the invite.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:10 AM on October 24, 2015
Assume good faith, accept the invite.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:10 AM on October 24, 2015
If they disliked you, they *might* be inviting you when they happen to run into you just because it would seem impolite not to. But there's no way that they send you a written invitation to a wedding.
Next time you go out with them, at the end of the night make a point of saying "Man, this was so fun. I love hanging out with you guys." or something similar that fits the mood of the night. Make sure that they understand that you enjoy being there. Often extroverts think introverts aren't having a very good time because they're being quiet about their good time.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:11 AM on October 24, 2015
Next time you go out with them, at the end of the night make a point of saying "Man, this was so fun. I love hanging out with you guys." or something similar that fits the mood of the night. Make sure that they understand that you enjoy being there. Often extroverts think introverts aren't having a very good time because they're being quiet about their good time.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:11 AM on October 24, 2015
This is not your exact question, but the answer is so good, and I think there's a lot of truth there for you.
posted by judith at 6:42 AM on October 24, 2015
posted by judith at 6:42 AM on October 24, 2015
If they strongly disliked me, they wouldn't be inviting me at all, right?
Right. They wouldn't invite you if they didn't like you. The people that aren't liked around the office are usually difficult enough to put up with at work, there is very little chance they will be invited out on people's personal time.
one of the girls is getting married and everyone was invited months ago except for me. Then 2 weeks before the wedding, I receive an official invite in the mail. Why wasn't I on the first list?
Step back and look how they are planned. Countless couples have "B-Lists" of people they might like to invite, but really can't afford to, but once those RSVPs come in and they have room, the B-Listers get their invites. Its not that they don't like the B-Listers, they just can't afford to invite everyone and lines have to be drawn. Weddings are planned months in advance and maybe months ago when invites went out, the bride didn't know you as well.
I always think that next time I will be on their "invite list" but I never am and keep being randomly invited last minute (or not at all)
When I plan to get together with friends from work (drinks, bowling, etc.), there are a few people that I am closer with so I always check with them first to make sure they are able to go, once I know my closer friends are going, then we usually open it up and invite others. So it might take a bit until some people have finalized a plan and start inviting everyone. And honestly, sometimes, we don't want a big group, we just want our closer friends. There will always be cliques of people who like each other more than others. It is life.
I feel like an outsider, how to act?
Trying to get to know (and like and be liked) by everyone is exhausting. You say you are socially awkward, so I offer these tips that help me as an introvert:
- Find 2 or 3 people in that larger group that you connect well with and get to know them a little better.
- Make a point to at least say hello to every person at the event - a nice sincere, eye contact, smile hello -not just a nod or a wave. If you're not going to do a lot of talking, when you do talk, you have to make yourself memorable to them.
- Try to find at least one thing out about each person to ask or talk about: Barb has two children, Steve loves the Phillies, Denise is engaged. Try to seek out common interests.
- Have something unique or memorable about yourself ready to talk about - one of your hobbies, travel, music,
- Thank the ones who invited you.
- Consider your own event. Maybe a few co-workers love flea markets and you know of a big one coming up, invite them to come along.
I've found I really have to work at these things that some come so naturally to others. What you are going through is a tough stage I think for introverts - you really have to push yourself a little so people get to know you better. Once they get to know you, it will be easier.
Good Luck!
posted by NoraCharles at 6:51 AM on October 24, 2015
Right. They wouldn't invite you if they didn't like you. The people that aren't liked around the office are usually difficult enough to put up with at work, there is very little chance they will be invited out on people's personal time.
one of the girls is getting married and everyone was invited months ago except for me. Then 2 weeks before the wedding, I receive an official invite in the mail. Why wasn't I on the first list?
Step back and look how they are planned. Countless couples have "B-Lists" of people they might like to invite, but really can't afford to, but once those RSVPs come in and they have room, the B-Listers get their invites. Its not that they don't like the B-Listers, they just can't afford to invite everyone and lines have to be drawn. Weddings are planned months in advance and maybe months ago when invites went out, the bride didn't know you as well.
I always think that next time I will be on their "invite list" but I never am and keep being randomly invited last minute (or not at all)
When I plan to get together with friends from work (drinks, bowling, etc.), there are a few people that I am closer with so I always check with them first to make sure they are able to go, once I know my closer friends are going, then we usually open it up and invite others. So it might take a bit until some people have finalized a plan and start inviting everyone. And honestly, sometimes, we don't want a big group, we just want our closer friends. There will always be cliques of people who like each other more than others. It is life.
I feel like an outsider, how to act?
Trying to get to know (and like and be liked) by everyone is exhausting. You say you are socially awkward, so I offer these tips that help me as an introvert:
- Find 2 or 3 people in that larger group that you connect well with and get to know them a little better.
- Make a point to at least say hello to every person at the event - a nice sincere, eye contact, smile hello -not just a nod or a wave. If you're not going to do a lot of talking, when you do talk, you have to make yourself memorable to them.
- Try to find at least one thing out about each person to ask or talk about: Barb has two children, Steve loves the Phillies, Denise is engaged. Try to seek out common interests.
- Have something unique or memorable about yourself ready to talk about - one of your hobbies, travel, music,
- Thank the ones who invited you.
- Consider your own event. Maybe a few co-workers love flea markets and you know of a big one coming up, invite them to come along.
I've found I really have to work at these things that some come so naturally to others. What you are going through is a tough stage I think for introverts - you really have to push yourself a little so people get to know you better. Once they get to know you, it will be easier.
Good Luck!
posted by NoraCharles at 6:51 AM on October 24, 2015
Invite some or all of them out to something yourself! Being proactive about saying, "I like you and I'd like to hang out with you," gives them a signal that you're not just reluctantly going to things. Lots of people go to social events when invited, even if they don't want to, just to be polite, so if you want to be invited, it's good to give them a signal that you're up for more socializing.
posted by xingcat at 7:00 AM on October 24, 2015
posted by xingcat at 7:00 AM on October 24, 2015
Sometimes it's helpful to remind yourself that everyone doesn't have to like you. I'm not suggesting that these people don't like you and you should accept it, but it might help you relax a little.
When they invite you out, say yes. Have a good time and use the opportunity to get to know them a little better. If they forget to ask you, don't take it personally and don't worry about it.
I've found that with these types of cliques I'm more likely to get invited after making friends with one or two group members.
I think rpfields has some good thoughts as well re working on making friends outside of work. I find that I feel I need work friendships less when I have an active social life outside the office, and ironically this makes it easier to make friends with my coworkers.
posted by bunderful at 8:11 AM on October 24, 2015
When they invite you out, say yes. Have a good time and use the opportunity to get to know them a little better. If they forget to ask you, don't take it personally and don't worry about it.
I've found that with these types of cliques I'm more likely to get invited after making friends with one or two group members.
I think rpfields has some good thoughts as well re working on making friends outside of work. I find that I feel I need work friendships less when I have an active social life outside the office, and ironically this makes it easier to make friends with my coworkers.
posted by bunderful at 8:11 AM on October 24, 2015
Few times I have bumped into some of them when they were on their way to bar/pub and got a last minute invite. Should I go anyway?
Yes, definitely, unless, on that day, you simply don't feel like it.
The idea is really the same as the basic principle of healthy networking in general: imagine yourself as the spider in the center of the network. You are the one agreeing to join them; you are the one who interacts with members of the group, you have the choice to do this in a way that suits you.
If any of this doesn't suit these people, it is you who decides that this group isn't made for you.
The beautiful thing of this construction is that the question of whether anyone maybe believes that you're lonely or whatever else doesn't even enter the picture. And it's also not "all about you" or anything of the sort; it's simply about being in charge of the things that you reasonably can be in charge of.
posted by Namlit at 8:22 AM on October 24, 2015
Yes, definitely, unless, on that day, you simply don't feel like it.
The idea is really the same as the basic principle of healthy networking in general: imagine yourself as the spider in the center of the network. You are the one agreeing to join them; you are the one who interacts with members of the group, you have the choice to do this in a way that suits you.
If any of this doesn't suit these people, it is you who decides that this group isn't made for you.
The beautiful thing of this construction is that the question of whether anyone maybe believes that you're lonely or whatever else doesn't even enter the picture. And it's also not "all about you" or anything of the sort; it's simply about being in charge of the things that you reasonably can be in charge of.
posted by Namlit at 8:22 AM on October 24, 2015
You can't worry about why they don't invite from the start. If you are more reserved, for all you know they might think you don't want to go. They like you enough, but if they are more extroverted they might think "Huh, she's so quiet, we're so loud, it must not be much fun for her... "
Also, being quiet, it may take more time for them to get to know you and to realize you are a really cool person. I've seen it happen all the time. I have social groups that I am a part of, and there are other people that come and go, but never seem to pay me any mind - then suddenly we have a a conversation, and they get a feel for my personality and interests, and BAM! Now they always say hi to me and want to include me.
Another thing, if you are interested in being a more value to the group, you can consciously be extra supportive and positive. Be a good listener, and believe you me, they will start to include you.
How to act? Act like a confident, relaxed person, who loves spontaneous, last minute invitations, who is naturally interested in getting to know more people and who always has something positive to bring to the table. Don't for a minute entertain thoughts that they feel sorry for you. Be authentic. Of course you're available last minute - you are new to town! Of course it's harder to connect with people - being social sucks!
posted by Locochona at 8:54 AM on October 24, 2015
Also, being quiet, it may take more time for them to get to know you and to realize you are a really cool person. I've seen it happen all the time. I have social groups that I am a part of, and there are other people that come and go, but never seem to pay me any mind - then suddenly we have a a conversation, and they get a feel for my personality and interests, and BAM! Now they always say hi to me and want to include me.
Another thing, if you are interested in being a more value to the group, you can consciously be extra supportive and positive. Be a good listener, and believe you me, they will start to include you.
How to act? Act like a confident, relaxed person, who loves spontaneous, last minute invitations, who is naturally interested in getting to know more people and who always has something positive to bring to the table. Don't for a minute entertain thoughts that they feel sorry for you. Be authentic. Of course you're available last minute - you are new to town! Of course it's harder to connect with people - being social sucks!
posted by Locochona at 8:54 AM on October 24, 2015
They're a group, they have habits; they don't have the habit of inviting you. yet. You didn't get the wedding invite originally, but the person chose to add you - that's a very nice sign. Look for the positive.
Flatter a little. Sure, I'd love to join you; I always have a blast with you guys. Show some genuine vulnerability I haven't lived in ThisTown very long, and I'm not an extrovert, so it feels really nice to be included. Include *them* Hey, there's an event this evening that sounds fun, want to join me? Could be a gallery opening, town-sponsored event, sports, music, whatever, as long as it's something you want to do and want to share. Ask individual people to coffee on the weekend or to go for a walk at lunch, or some other low key friendship offer. Keep in mind that many people are kind of 'friended up' and have family responsibilities, etc., and may not have time for new friends.
Be nice, fun, positive. Ask about people's family/ pet/ hobby. When Lee says they're going to their kid's sports match on Saturday, remember to ask Lee how it went on Monday. Use people's names. These are the things sales people do, because they work to form a connection. As long as you do it in a genuine way, it's effective and not cheesy.
posted by theora55 at 10:20 AM on October 24, 2015
Flatter a little. Sure, I'd love to join you; I always have a blast with you guys. Show some genuine vulnerability I haven't lived in ThisTown very long, and I'm not an extrovert, so it feels really nice to be included. Include *them* Hey, there's an event this evening that sounds fun, want to join me? Could be a gallery opening, town-sponsored event, sports, music, whatever, as long as it's something you want to do and want to share. Ask individual people to coffee on the weekend or to go for a walk at lunch, or some other low key friendship offer. Keep in mind that many people are kind of 'friended up' and have family responsibilities, etc., and may not have time for new friends.
Be nice, fun, positive. Ask about people's family/ pet/ hobby. When Lee says they're going to their kid's sports match on Saturday, remember to ask Lee how it went on Monday. Use people's names. These are the things sales people do, because they work to form a connection. As long as you do it in a genuine way, it's effective and not cheesy.
posted by theora55 at 10:20 AM on October 24, 2015
Are you reciprocating the invites, if not to the whole group, then at least to the 3-4 you are most friendly with?
If sounds as though you are meeting their casual friendliness with a mutually casual response. Since you want to escalate from "friendly" to "friends", let them know by stepping it up... then once you've buddied up to one or two of the gang, they'll be more likely to invite you to group events.
posted by dotparker at 11:32 AM on October 24, 2015
If sounds as though you are meeting their casual friendliness with a mutually casual response. Since you want to escalate from "friendly" to "friends", let them know by stepping it up... then once you've buddied up to one or two of the gang, they'll be more likely to invite you to group events.
posted by dotparker at 11:32 AM on October 24, 2015
First off, reasonable adults worth your time do not judge people harshly for being socially awkward. Some people do, but don't worry about them because they don't matter. I know this is mostly trite mom advice, but it's also true. If you would not think harshly of someone for being a bit awkward or for being new in the area and not having many friends, you deserve not to worry about other people judging you like that.
One thing about extroverts, especially those in large extrovert groups, is that they can be pretty outward. They project all the time. They project friendliness, they project their interests and attitudes, and they also project their motivations and behaviors onto you. They tend to be much more open, so when they encounter someone with personal boundaries, they'll sometimes interpret that as you not really liking them.
Introverted people just take a little longer to form personal bonds with others, so don't take your slowness to develop friendships as a negative. It's actually good in its own way, as your relationships can often be stronger because of that. You will probably never have as many friends as more sociable people, but you will have a greater percentage of good ones.
However, it can make it hard to be the new person, and it's kind of on you to make some overtures. Do not feel like you have to do anything that makes you really uncomfortable like violate your own boundaries, but you may have to make a small extra effort to initiate things. Invite people to do things you're comfortable doing in a group, in whatever sized group you're comfortable doing it with. Ask if anyone is interested in doing a long lunch someday, or if they want to check out a new place after work or something.
Also make a little effort to talk about yourself. A lot of people are uncomfortable around people who never talk about themselves, so make an effort to do that. It doesn't have to be anything uncomfortably personal. It can be something you read or watched or ate or made or did or saw. If you want to get into more personal stuff, of course you can, as you get to know people, but you don't need to do that until you're ready.
So just put yourself out there a little bit. Maybe bring in some snacks or something to share, ask people's advice and opinions of non-work related issues every now and again, and initiate some stuff.
posted by ernielundquist at 2:16 PM on October 24, 2015
One thing about extroverts, especially those in large extrovert groups, is that they can be pretty outward. They project all the time. They project friendliness, they project their interests and attitudes, and they also project their motivations and behaviors onto you. They tend to be much more open, so when they encounter someone with personal boundaries, they'll sometimes interpret that as you not really liking them.
Introverted people just take a little longer to form personal bonds with others, so don't take your slowness to develop friendships as a negative. It's actually good in its own way, as your relationships can often be stronger because of that. You will probably never have as many friends as more sociable people, but you will have a greater percentage of good ones.
However, it can make it hard to be the new person, and it's kind of on you to make some overtures. Do not feel like you have to do anything that makes you really uncomfortable like violate your own boundaries, but you may have to make a small extra effort to initiate things. Invite people to do things you're comfortable doing in a group, in whatever sized group you're comfortable doing it with. Ask if anyone is interested in doing a long lunch someday, or if they want to check out a new place after work or something.
Also make a little effort to talk about yourself. A lot of people are uncomfortable around people who never talk about themselves, so make an effort to do that. It doesn't have to be anything uncomfortably personal. It can be something you read or watched or ate or made or did or saw. If you want to get into more personal stuff, of course you can, as you get to know people, but you don't need to do that until you're ready.
So just put yourself out there a little bit. Maybe bring in some snacks or something to share, ask people's advice and opinions of non-work related issues every now and again, and initiate some stuff.
posted by ernielundquist at 2:16 PM on October 24, 2015
"I like you guys. Please invite me again next time."
posted by j_curiouser at 6:28 PM on October 24, 2015
posted by j_curiouser at 6:28 PM on October 24, 2015
Few times I have bumped into some of them when they were on their way to bar/pub and got a last minute invite. Should I go anyway?
That totally depends. Do you want to? Then sure. If you don't, don't. Forget about 'should,' it's not a word that reflects reality.
If someone invited me to their wedding I would try--might or might not succeed--to be like "hey wow these two people want me to be there when they tell everyone how much they love each other? Yay!" Maybe that's something that may help you with that specific part.
It really sounds to me like you are part of a close-knit team that is reaching out to you and being nice. People will pretty rarely invite coworkers to intimate events like weddings out of a sense of obligation. They want you to be there.
As for the last-minute invites, is it possible that as a group they're just starting to integrate the idea that oh hey, let's invite sabin_r along as well! It can take some time for that to become a regular thing.
And regarding past questions... something I think many or most of us do is repeat patterns in our lives that we don't recognize, and indeed deny. I do it with romantic relationships, for example. And when I'm not enmeshed in it, I can see oh yeah that thing. But when I am, poof--I'll deny the pattern exists, or that this time it's different (which is, natch, part of the pattern).
It seems like you really want to be liked (so do we all), and you're feeling that not a lot of people like you the way you want to be liked. That really sucks, I really do know exactly how that feels. It might be a good idea for you to find a therapist you can explore these feelings with, and figure out how to either change your behaviour to achieve the goals you want to achieve, or to change your thinking to cope or even be happier with how your life is developing.
Sounds to me like you're a really nice person to be around. The sucky thing I've noticed about getting older is that friends aren't like they were in your teens and early twenties, where they just sort of appear and disappear willy-nilly. In our thirties, it becomes more difficult--not least because none of us really want to waste our time on something that isn't going to be meaningful to ourselves in some way. So it's harder.
Anyway, I'm rambling... I really think your best bet right now is to talk to someone who's trained to listen and prod where needed.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:19 PM on October 24, 2015
That totally depends. Do you want to? Then sure. If you don't, don't. Forget about 'should,' it's not a word that reflects reality.
If someone invited me to their wedding I would try--might or might not succeed--to be like "hey wow these two people want me to be there when they tell everyone how much they love each other? Yay!" Maybe that's something that may help you with that specific part.
It really sounds to me like you are part of a close-knit team that is reaching out to you and being nice. People will pretty rarely invite coworkers to intimate events like weddings out of a sense of obligation. They want you to be there.
As for the last-minute invites, is it possible that as a group they're just starting to integrate the idea that oh hey, let's invite sabin_r along as well! It can take some time for that to become a regular thing.
And regarding past questions... something I think many or most of us do is repeat patterns in our lives that we don't recognize, and indeed deny. I do it with romantic relationships, for example. And when I'm not enmeshed in it, I can see oh yeah that thing. But when I am, poof--I'll deny the pattern exists, or that this time it's different (which is, natch, part of the pattern).
It seems like you really want to be liked (so do we all), and you're feeling that not a lot of people like you the way you want to be liked. That really sucks, I really do know exactly how that feels. It might be a good idea for you to find a therapist you can explore these feelings with, and figure out how to either change your behaviour to achieve the goals you want to achieve, or to change your thinking to cope or even be happier with how your life is developing.
Sounds to me like you're a really nice person to be around. The sucky thing I've noticed about getting older is that friends aren't like they were in your teens and early twenties, where they just sort of appear and disappear willy-nilly. In our thirties, it becomes more difficult--not least because none of us really want to waste our time on something that isn't going to be meaningful to ourselves in some way. So it's harder.
Anyway, I'm rambling... I really think your best bet right now is to talk to someone who's trained to listen and prod where needed.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 11:19 PM on October 24, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 2:50 AM on October 24, 2015