I need some advice about how to move my life forward. Relationship, job, and home. A simple question: should I stay here or should I go back home, but with the usual tortured backstory that I will try to keep as relevant as possible!
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (14 answers total)
Backstory: I am a male, mid 20s, in the UK. I moved 200miles for a job that I loved. It came with own accommodation. I met a great girl (X) there, and started going out with her. Lost job (and therefore place to live) when company collapsed. X was very supportive. Moved in with her for a couple of weeks, she helps me look for jobs. Relationship is strained for a little while due to being in each other's company 24/7. (X is about to start full-time job, after finishing masters degree, so has previously had a lot of free time to be with me)
I want to stay in area, and not go back to my hometown, partly because I would need to do exactly what I am doing here; find jobs, place to live etc, and also because I now have a reason to stay= girlfriend. Decide to stay in area, and stick it out. Decide to find a place to live locally. Ask X whether me living locally is going to work out for both of us. She agrees that it will. Find a small, cheap apartment, fairly close to X. We're happy. Both looking forward to *ahem* christen... new apartment.
I move in. X excuses herself for a few days. Week later, X decides she wants to be friends only. I am heartbroken. Several weeks go by where X causes more grief by "not knowing where she stands", and giving me [false] hope. In the meantime, she's still being supportive, helping me move in other stuff, lending me furniture, still looking for jobs etc. We still do things together when we can; shows, sports and movies. And still talk a lot. Has been platonic only.
I still have feelings for this girl. She is awesome, intelligent, gorgeous. But it means that any glimmer of mutual feelings she shows I jump on (in my mind) as her wanting to get back with me. This is not good. I know that going from 'boyfriend' to 'just friends' is a bad idea. But she is honestly a good friend too.
However, I do want to get back with her. But if I can't, then she is a really good friend I don't want to lose. But even though she's quite happy being friends, I'm not at that stage yet. If there is no hope of getting back together, then I need to get over her.
Looking for jobs still. The job market is rubbish, as it is back in my hometown. Doing all I can. Get part time job at low pay, whilst still searching for other jobs.
Here's a catch: In a few weeks, I have the final selection process (week-long) to gain entry to Sandhurst, the British Army Officer military academy (please, no comments on whether this is a good thing or not). If I pass, then entry will be in May 2010. If so, then I will have a career sorted for a few years at least.
But until May, or god forbid, if I don't pass, then I still need a better paid job.
The crux: I am barely scraping by here. I can just afford rent now, but I haven't been paid by this job yet. My gas, electricity, water is all metered so I can just about keep on top of those.
My parents, back home, have said that I can live with them for as long as I need. Ultimately I would still be in the same situation, looking for jobs, possibly looking for place to live (parents have small house).
However, I kinda feel settled here. I'm making friends; there's possibly better jobs on the horizon; I like my new apartment; and if I pass this selection course, I would only need to be here for a few months. And I feel like I should man up, and stick it out. I don't want to give up!
So, sorry for the length. With all the above information, can you help me out?
Should I stay here? And try to get over X, carry on looking for jobs (and working part time), and hope that I pass the course.
Or should I move back home? Never see X again probably, still look for jobs (losing part time job), hope that I pass the course.
Throwaway email: email@example.com
(Ideal happy ending: X gets back with me. I get a (temporary) job that pays well. I stay living where I am. Bonus points to get me all three! )