How did this person find out my address?
October 3, 2015 2:09 PM
Super creeped out how a guy who only had my first name, cell phone number not billed to my address, town I live in, and birth year could have discovered my mailing address. Help me protect my privacy better in the future!
Two days ago I met a guy for a drink after corresponding over a messaging app and email (not my primary), following a connection made on a dating website. He knew my first name only, the year I was born (part of a username on the website where we connected), the general area in which I lived (in this type of living community, out towards this nearby town), my cell phone number, and possibly could have seen my license plate number. However, my cell phone is a line on my parents' account, who live at a different address. My car is also registered in their name. There were no other people I knew at the bar where we met (lounge/restaurant type place, in early evening, one drink only), my purse was zipped the entire time, I didn't show my ID to the bartender, and my cell phone is password-protected and did not leave my sight anyway. Today I received a book regarding a shared interest, return address was his username, mailed to my address. I feel really, really stupid, but can't figure out how this happened . I'm assuming he ran some kind of background check, but with what information?
Two days ago I met a guy for a drink after corresponding over a messaging app and email (not my primary), following a connection made on a dating website. He knew my first name only, the year I was born (part of a username on the website where we connected), the general area in which I lived (in this type of living community, out towards this nearby town), my cell phone number, and possibly could have seen my license plate number. However, my cell phone is a line on my parents' account, who live at a different address. My car is also registered in their name. There were no other people I knew at the bar where we met (lounge/restaurant type place, in early evening, one drink only), my purse was zipped the entire time, I didn't show my ID to the bartender, and my cell phone is password-protected and did not leave my sight anyway. Today I received a book regarding a shared interest, return address was his username, mailed to my address. I feel really, really stupid, but can't figure out how this happened . I'm assuming he ran some kind of background check, but with what information?
With something like spokeo.com he could run your phone number, get your last name, then run your full name with your town and get your address no problem. This assumes you live in the US. You can go on most of these sites see if you come up and opt to remove yourself. Go on spokeo and try it yourself. then you'll know for sure. There are other sites, but I find spokeo one of the better.
posted by ill3 at 2:21 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by ill3 at 2:21 PM on October 3, 2015
It's really easy to find info out about people with a few cursory googles. I do it with everybody I date that I meet online.
Here are a few low hanging fruits:
-Dating profile pictures in an organized race wearing a bib number. Those race results are all posted online, easy to find and search for, and will always have your first and last name and occasionally more info (city, other stuff you filled out on the form when you signed up for the race).
-LinkedIn. Super simple to find just with a first name and the field they work in, foolproof if they have a picture.
-Using the same handle on other accounts, or putting too much info into the username. You did this with your birthday, but if you google your username or parts of your username, do other (old, forgotten) accounts on other websites show up?
-A picture of you in front of your home. Even if the address is hidden, it could be a recognizable location.
-If a person's phone number is linked to their facebook their profile will show up if you search just their phone number.
-Reverse image searching your profile photo to find it in other places.
posted by phunniemee at 2:23 PM on October 3, 2015
Here are a few low hanging fruits:
-Dating profile pictures in an organized race wearing a bib number. Those race results are all posted online, easy to find and search for, and will always have your first and last name and occasionally more info (city, other stuff you filled out on the form when you signed up for the race).
-LinkedIn. Super simple to find just with a first name and the field they work in, foolproof if they have a picture.
-Using the same handle on other accounts, or putting too much info into the username. You did this with your birthday, but if you google your username or parts of your username, do other (old, forgotten) accounts on other websites show up?
-A picture of you in front of your home. Even if the address is hidden, it could be a recognizable location.
-If a person's phone number is linked to their facebook their profile will show up if you search just their phone number.
-Reverse image searching your profile photo to find it in other places.
posted by phunniemee at 2:23 PM on October 3, 2015
If you're using a picture on the dating website that you've used elsewhere and is connected to your name, he could have used Google Image Search to look you up to get your full name and rabbit-holed from there.
No matter how he did this, it's not okay and I'd start an official paper trail with the police (yes, with a female officer if possible) just to err on the side of caution.
posted by _Mona_ at 2:23 PM on October 3, 2015
No matter how he did this, it's not okay and I'd start an official paper trail with the police (yes, with a female officer if possible) just to err on the side of caution.
posted by _Mona_ at 2:23 PM on October 3, 2015
How is he employed? In particular, does he work for your ISP? Is a cop? Works for your telephone provider?
Do you have a friend in common? Did he find you via a search on a different social media sites? Did you mention any organization that you belong to or places you shop at?
Did he take your picture?
posted by SemiSalt at 2:23 PM on October 3, 2015
Do you have a friend in common? Did he find you via a search on a different social media sites? Did you mention any organization that you belong to or places you shop at?
Did he take your picture?
posted by SemiSalt at 2:23 PM on October 3, 2015
How to remove your personal info from data brokers
posted by Triumphant Muzak at 2:26 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by Triumphant Muzak at 2:26 PM on October 3, 2015
First of all, putting your year of birth in your username was a big problem. Likely the crux of the issue.
Do you download things like gmail apps, and use those instead of visiting email hosting sites through a browser and taking care to log out after your session? Because apps track all of your emails and services like Spokeo correlate that data - if you sign up with your real name, or have multiple gmail accounts + don't log out + use their app -- boom -- google/gmail knows you and all of your alias emails, and passes those on to services like Spokeo.
10 Jill Smith's may come up in your city/state when I do a search, but based on your DOB + neighborhood, I can guess which Jill Smith I want to pull info on.
I use fake names and DOB's all the time. So far, my married name and maiden name are not linked.
Facebook. Facebook also track you, their apps, cookies if you don't log out on your browser from a session. Facebook isn't "free" -- it tracks EVERYTHING you do and sells your profile and data. Ditto Google/gmail, mentioned earlier.
There are books and blogs on how to erase your info. But you can just use common sense and log out of stuff and be careful what apps you put on your phone. Apps that crawl your contacts (FB, again) are the absolute worst and you should not do business with them, or do so very very carefully.
I hope that helped! I'm so sorry creeper sent you something. I wish I knew what to say. I hope this all works out. I guess it was a wake up call, huh?
Good on you for taking care to lock down your personal info. Good luck!
posted by jbenben at 2:26 PM on October 3, 2015
Do you download things like gmail apps, and use those instead of visiting email hosting sites through a browser and taking care to log out after your session? Because apps track all of your emails and services like Spokeo correlate that data - if you sign up with your real name, or have multiple gmail accounts + don't log out + use their app -- boom -- google/gmail knows you and all of your alias emails, and passes those on to services like Spokeo.
10 Jill Smith's may come up in your city/state when I do a search, but based on your DOB + neighborhood, I can guess which Jill Smith I want to pull info on.
I use fake names and DOB's all the time. So far, my married name and maiden name are not linked.
Facebook. Facebook also track you, their apps, cookies if you don't log out on your browser from a session. Facebook isn't "free" -- it tracks EVERYTHING you do and sells your profile and data. Ditto Google/gmail, mentioned earlier.
There are books and blogs on how to erase your info. But you can just use common sense and log out of stuff and be careful what apps you put on your phone. Apps that crawl your contacts (FB, again) are the absolute worst and you should not do business with them, or do so very very carefully.
I hope that helped! I'm so sorry creeper sent you something. I wish I knew what to say. I hope this all works out. I guess it was a wake up call, huh?
Good on you for taking care to lock down your personal info. Good luck!
posted by jbenben at 2:26 PM on October 3, 2015
If he did this via legal means (online people search, etc), is it even possible to file a police report?
posted by tremspeed at 2:27 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by tremspeed at 2:27 PM on October 3, 2015
Someone mentioned your cell phone number.... For a loooooong time gmail kept trying to trick me into giving over my cell number to log in for "security purposes."
HA! It was frustrating to figure how to log in w/out providing that, they finally stopped asking for it. Anyway, if services like LinkedIn, FB, Gmail have your real phone number, it's one more way services like data brokers correlate your info.
posted by jbenben at 2:31 PM on October 3, 2015
HA! It was frustrating to figure how to log in w/out providing that, they finally stopped asking for it. Anyway, if services like LinkedIn, FB, Gmail have your real phone number, it's one more way services like data brokers correlate your info.
posted by jbenben at 2:31 PM on October 3, 2015
Thank you all for the support and quick responses. What I think happened is that my parents' last name comes up when you search my cell # on Spokeo. Thus he knew my first and last name. From there it's probably pretty easy to get my address. I didn't use my photo for this dating website anywhere else, precisely for this reason - and only have that 1 photo up, it's my face and upper body against a white wall, no other identifying information. The email I use for contacts via the dating website, I do have on my phone and linked to my primary gmail which features my full name. However, the dating website email and username did not come up on Spokeo. I feel better educated about protecting my privacy now and am trying to focus on this as a learning experience so that the creepiness doesn't completely take over my mind. Sending him a "Please do not contact me again" message to him and prepared to take further action if contact persists.
posted by shortskirtlongjacket at 2:36 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by shortskirtlongjacket at 2:36 PM on October 3, 2015
Do you have an Amazon wishlist, and have added the book to that wishlist? If your Amazon name is similar to your username, he could have found it that way.
posted by third word on a random page at 2:44 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by third word on a random page at 2:44 PM on October 3, 2015
I was just going to say that! I can be found linked to my parents but I google myself every once in a while and have myself removed from whatever comes up.
posted by flink at 2:44 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by flink at 2:44 PM on October 3, 2015
Yeah, people are wildly over-reacting here. Not that what this guy did isn't creepy and boundary-pushing, but there's no reason to jump to the conclusion that he followed her home or anything like that.
There are any number of ways to get a last name from a first name and location, the easiest would be if you have a public profile somewhere like Facebook or LinkedIn (and on preview, it looks like the last name could have easily come from the phone number). Once you have a full name and a town, it becomes pretty trivial to get an address, especially if you're willing to throw a few bucks at one of the web sites that aggregates this kind of information. Voter registration rolls, for example, are public information in every US jurisdiction I've lived in, which means that data aggregation services like Spokeo can pull them any time they want.
posted by firechicago at 2:51 PM on October 3, 2015
There are any number of ways to get a last name from a first name and location, the easiest would be if you have a public profile somewhere like Facebook or LinkedIn (and on preview, it looks like the last name could have easily come from the phone number). Once you have a full name and a town, it becomes pretty trivial to get an address, especially if you're willing to throw a few bucks at one of the web sites that aggregates this kind of information. Voter registration rolls, for example, are public information in every US jurisdiction I've lived in, which means that data aggregation services like Spokeo can pull them any time they want.
posted by firechicago at 2:51 PM on October 3, 2015
Amazon will send gifts ordered from a wish list, but won't disclose the address. shortskirtlongjacket said the package has the date's username as the return address.
posted by mama casserole at 2:52 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by mama casserole at 2:52 PM on October 3, 2015
It is 100% creepy for a man you have just met to tell you directly or indirectly that he has your home address, your last name, etc, any information you did not give him.
Never use your phone number for anything online that isn't a billing verifier. If something insists on a phone number then get a $10 burner phone for it. Honestly if I were doing online dating you better believe it would be via a burner phone and an email address I don't use for anything else. There are so many lunatics and creepers out there, as well as just regular people who have trouble with boundaries.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:58 PM on October 3, 2015
Never use your phone number for anything online that isn't a billing verifier. If something insists on a phone number then get a $10 burner phone for it. Honestly if I were doing online dating you better believe it would be via a burner phone and an email address I don't use for anything else. There are so many lunatics and creepers out there, as well as just regular people who have trouble with boundaries.
posted by poffin boffin at 2:58 PM on October 3, 2015
Seconding everybody who says this is super-creepy. You are not overreacting IMO: you may be slightly underreacting. This is weird boundary-testing subtly-aggressive behaviour and yes, you should totally keep your distance from this guy.
If you are interested in reading more on the general issue of safety, I'd recommend perennial Metafilter favourite Gift Of Fear. If you're interested specifically in how to protect your own individual privacy, particularly online, I'd recommend Dragnet Nation by Julia Angwin. She is a former Wall StreetJournal reporter now with Pro-Publica, and the book is an account of her year-long efforts to protect her own privacy and anonymity online. It's accessible but also extremely well-researched and well-informed: she knows her stuff.
posted by Susan PG at 3:25 PM on October 3, 2015
If you are interested in reading more on the general issue of safety, I'd recommend perennial Metafilter favourite Gift Of Fear. If you're interested specifically in how to protect your own individual privacy, particularly online, I'd recommend Dragnet Nation by Julia Angwin. She is a former Wall StreetJournal reporter now with Pro-Publica, and the book is an account of her year-long efforts to protect her own privacy and anonymity online. It's accessible but also extremely well-researched and well-informed: she knows her stuff.
posted by Susan PG at 3:25 PM on October 3, 2015
If somebody mentioned this above, I missed it, but in most locations, if you own your home/condo, it's easy to search your name on the right websites and your address comes right up.
posted by bluesky78987 at 3:58 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by bluesky78987 at 3:58 PM on October 3, 2015
My stalker had access to personal data via his job in government & financial services. Your first name + town + year in which you were born - it'd be easy to find you.
Also, this is when you start documenting. This may be nothing but if it turns into something, you will want records showing the amount of interacting you have had, what type of interacting, who instigated etc. Overreacting? Nope.
posted by kariebookish at 4:15 PM on October 3, 2015
Also, this is when you start documenting. This may be nothing but if it turns into something, you will want records showing the amount of interacting you have had, what type of interacting, who instigated etc. Overreacting? Nope.
posted by kariebookish at 4:15 PM on October 3, 2015
Thank you all - my initial reaction was to be really weirded out and I'm glad I trusted that feeling. To respond to some folks, the book was not on an Amazon wishlist, and I drove to multiple other locations before heading home, although that doesn't rule out being followed. The upshot is that through Spokeo I was able to reverse lookup his phone number and find a name. I was then able to verify it via property tax records given his description of where he lived, news items about his employment history/LinkedIn profile about what he described to me, and photos of him captioned with his real name (all just plain old Googling). Unsurprisingly his real name is not the one he gave me. I have chosen not to file a police report at this time, but am keeping the information I found documented if there is another incident. Also getting The Gift of Fear on my Kindle....better late than never.
posted by shortskirtlongjacket at 4:33 PM on October 3, 2015
posted by shortskirtlongjacket at 4:33 PM on October 3, 2015
Yeah, people are wildly over-reacting here. Not that what this guy did isn't creepy and boundary-pushing, but there's no reason to jump to the conclusion that he followed her home or anything like that.
Tracking her down via web sleuthing feels exactly "like that". You meet someone in real life, you both get to decide to continue the contact.
The first time something like this happened to me, I ignored the red flag. Dated the guy. Stalked me for 2 1/2 years after it was over.
posted by TenaciousB at 4:33 PM on October 3, 2015
Tracking her down via web sleuthing feels exactly "like that". You meet someone in real life, you both get to decide to continue the contact.
The first time something like this happened to me, I ignored the red flag. Dated the guy. Stalked me for 2 1/2 years after it was over.
posted by TenaciousB at 4:33 PM on October 3, 2015
Is there any chance that he found your parents' info, then rang them and got your contact details from them? Bearing in mind that you don't know what kind of line he spun - "I'm an old friend of shortskirtlongjacket* from college, and I found a book of hers I want to return - can you give me her address?"
* Even if you changed your name from Kitty to Karen :-)
posted by Cheese Monster at 5:24 PM on October 3, 2015
* Even if you changed your name from Kitty to Karen :-)
posted by Cheese Monster at 5:24 PM on October 3, 2015
Just a head's up: as you probably know since you chose the setting, I can find your exact location through MetaFilter. (It may not be your actual location but I see somewhere specific mentioned.) No pressure to disable that feature if you feel comfortable but it's something to consider if you're looking for more privacy these days. It's extra easy to figure out exact addresses with simply a first name and age if you live in a less populated area so it probably didn't take him THAT much extra sleuthing online.
It's so common to find a great deal of information about everyone online these days. People are surprised at how much I can find with a few careful Google searches (and I'm someone who has wholly good intention.) His sending you the book is definitely a bit unsettling but it sounds unclear whether it was merely an overstepping of boundaries that was well-intended and perhaps intended as romantic or the first sign of being a stalker. The former is annoying and inappropriate but hopefully will stop with a one-time request; the latter is scarier and will take more action so I hope it's just the first.
The fact that he told you a different first name than his professional name isn't something I'd automatically consider a red flag, especially if everyone else is lining up; many people have preferred names. A few years ago I met an indie celebrity and had a pleasant, if somewhat awkward conversation; a few months later I got a letter in the mail from him as, it turns out, a mutual acquaintance had given him my mailing address (without my permission.) Everything turned out OK but it shows how some people do stuff like that a lot. There are the scary stalkers amongst them but then also people who are somewhat clueless and/or really entitled when it comes to dating and contacting people due to a particular cultural narrative where it's OK to go those extra steps for "love." Of course, for the one story with a happy end, there are a hundred where the effort went unnoticed or ignored, felt unwelcome, and/or ended with legal action. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:36 PM on October 3, 2015
It's so common to find a great deal of information about everyone online these days. People are surprised at how much I can find with a few careful Google searches (and I'm someone who has wholly good intention.) His sending you the book is definitely a bit unsettling but it sounds unclear whether it was merely an overstepping of boundaries that was well-intended and perhaps intended as romantic or the first sign of being a stalker. The former is annoying and inappropriate but hopefully will stop with a one-time request; the latter is scarier and will take more action so I hope it's just the first.
The fact that he told you a different first name than his professional name isn't something I'd automatically consider a red flag, especially if everyone else is lining up; many people have preferred names. A few years ago I met an indie celebrity and had a pleasant, if somewhat awkward conversation; a few months later I got a letter in the mail from him as, it turns out, a mutual acquaintance had given him my mailing address (without my permission.) Everything turned out OK but it shows how some people do stuff like that a lot. There are the scary stalkers amongst them but then also people who are somewhat clueless and/or really entitled when it comes to dating and contacting people due to a particular cultural narrative where it's OK to go those extra steps for "love." Of course, for the one story with a happy end, there are a hundred where the effort went unnoticed or ignored, felt unwelcome, and/or ended with legal action. Good luck!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:36 PM on October 3, 2015
Just to be sure - you don't have an Amazon wish list do you? Because I believe you can see someone's address when you go through the buying process, even, for example, if you use a card that is maxed out and won't be charged for the purchase.
posted by SassHat at 2:31 PM on October 7, 2015
posted by SassHat at 2:31 PM on October 7, 2015
Facebook isn't "free" -- it tracks EVERYTHING you do and sells your profile and data. Ditto Google/gmail, mentioned earlier.
There are enough reasons to be concerned about privacy without making up new ones. Facebook and Google are not selling your contact/address information to third parties.
posted by sideshow at 8:44 AM on October 11, 2015
There are enough reasons to be concerned about privacy without making up new ones. Facebook and Google are not selling your contact/address information to third parties.
posted by sideshow at 8:44 AM on October 11, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Hate to say it, but see if you can report it to a female officer. They're more likely to"get" why this is so incredibly off.
posted by taff at 2:14 PM on October 3, 2015