Not attending friend's wedding

August 31, 2015 7:29 PM

How much money should I give to a friend for not going to their wedding?

I worked with someone for 1 year at some software company. He was a good coworker and friend at that time. This was about 4 years ago and I left the company to pursue my career. We still meet up once a year ever since but don't communicate so often. We still live in the same city.

My coworker is Asian and it's common to give money as a gift. How much money is appropriate to give as a gift for not attending their wedding? I was thinking $50?

posted by Mountain28 to Work & Money (14 answers total)

Best answer: Really, any amount is fine, and just sending a card is fine, too! I'd probably go with $100 (or a bit more, depending on the friend), but $50 sounds like a happy medium. I'm sure it'll be a very welcome gift!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:32 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Depends on your financial status, but if you're comfortable I think $100 was pretty much the standard cash gift for people who did that at our wedding, and it's what I usually do unless it's a close friend or family member.
posted by charmedimsure at 8:04 PM on August 31, 2015

Best answer: Agree that $100 is more than adequate. I never give more than that unless it's someone I'm really close to. You could also give $50 or $75 depending on how your finances are. If your friend balks because they feel like you didn't give them enough, honestly that's not a friend you want anyway.
posted by FireFountain at 8:13 PM on August 31, 2015

Best answer: Ok. Thank you all. I think I will go with $100.
posted by Mountain28 at 8:17 PM on August 31, 2015

Best answer: Depending on the circles you run in, $50 sounds lovely and quite generous for someone you see once a year.
posted by ftm at 8:26 PM on August 31, 2015 [3 favorites]

Best answer: I think $100 is overly generous for someone you see only once a year.
posted by maurreen at 8:44 PM on August 31, 2015 [4 favorites]

Best answer: I'm surprised by the $100. If you can afford that, sure, but that is a lot of money. The amount you originally planned on - $50 - is generous enough.
posted by sockermom at 8:53 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: If he's Chinese, you could give $88? 8 is a lucky number and symbol of prosperity.
posted by hydra77 at 8:56 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Agree that $100 is uncommonly generous. If your coworker happens to be Indian, it's considered good luck to give amounts that end in 1- so $51 rather than $50.
posted by Tamanna at 8:59 PM on August 31, 2015 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I find that this is one of the conversations that is difficult to do well on the internet. None of us know how much you earn, whether you wipe your behind with $100 notes or whether that $50 is your weekly food budget. Broadly, give as much as you are comfortable with and not a dollar more. If your ex colleague has an issue with that amount, it says far more about them than about you.
posted by Cheese Monster at 10:36 PM on August 31, 2015 [2 favorites]

Best answer: $50.
posted by kimberussell at 4:09 AM on September 1, 2015

Best answer: If you are over 30 and/or on either coast of the U.S., 100$-150$ is the right amount in my opinion.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:53 AM on September 1, 2015

Best answer: I would agree that the correct amount depends on your circumstances. $100 would be standard in my circles -- urban, over 30, mostly professional, on the coast.
posted by pie ninja at 5:22 AM on September 1, 2015

Best answer: $100 would be standard in my yuppie group, but only if you were a couple invited. $50 if you're a single guy.
posted by sandmanwv at 7:28 AM on September 1, 2015