I want to captivate you...
August 19, 2015 7:10 PM Subscribe
...or at least capture your attention and potential friendship, in an email. How do I do this?
Assume the target recipient is not just a networking contact, but a person with whom I'd like to develop a friendship, or a very meaningful mentoring relationship (in which I would be the mentee).
I am deeply interested in this person's work and contributions, but also fascinated by them as a person, and I'd like to express that as a friend and not as an overeager networking chump. Nor do I want to be boring. I genuinely want to get to know them. (This person is kind of a really big deal in the field. I am sure they get pounced on a lot for networking and greedy demands for extensive career advice. I'd like to think I'm confident, but I'm also realistic enough to know I may not stand out from the others if I don't do enough to try to stand out.)
Some context: I sent one brief email this past weekend as a follow up to our brief meeting/chatting in person at a career event (they volunteered their business card to me when it became apparent we wouldn't have enough time to keep talking right then). Today they responded to my email. It was a friendly, kind and humble response, which was encouraging - but I'm a bit intimidated (and excited) because of the person's stature. I also know that this person is busy, and I don't expect or anticipate lengthy or frequent responses. One good sign is that they suggested a possibility of another in-person meet up sometime in the future.
So... what are the guidelines for writing an email response that will elicit another response? This is really just an "art of conversation" question, filtered for emails. I have read about keeping it breezy, and focusing questions on the other person. Don't ask too many questions. Never brag. Am I sort of on the right track, here? What else?
Before you advise me that I'm probably overthinking this: trust me, I know. I'm nerdy and hypercurious. I get excited. I just need some guidance (or examples/templates) on how to write a friendly, conversational email that is at once brief but also engaging enough that the other person will still feel genuinely interested in writing back.
Also, as someone hoping to foster a mentorship/friendship, I'd like to offer something back in return - volunteer hours to assist them in one of their efforts? Is this appropriate? I don't just want to "take" - I want to give, as well. It seems like good networking emails don't ask anything of the other person, but instead offer. Since I'm low on the career totem pole and don't have much practical experience (but a lot of subject matter expertise, and passion), the best thing I can offer is some kind of volunteer/unpaid assistance.
TL;DR: How do I play it cool in an email with a really important person that I'd like to foster a career mentorship/friendship with?
I can provide more specifics and context, if needed, but depending on what it is I may prefer to correspond by MeMail for keeping things pseudo-anonymous.
Assume the target recipient is not just a networking contact, but a person with whom I'd like to develop a friendship, or a very meaningful mentoring relationship (in which I would be the mentee).
I am deeply interested in this person's work and contributions, but also fascinated by them as a person, and I'd like to express that as a friend and not as an overeager networking chump. Nor do I want to be boring. I genuinely want to get to know them. (This person is kind of a really big deal in the field. I am sure they get pounced on a lot for networking and greedy demands for extensive career advice. I'd like to think I'm confident, but I'm also realistic enough to know I may not stand out from the others if I don't do enough to try to stand out.)
Some context: I sent one brief email this past weekend as a follow up to our brief meeting/chatting in person at a career event (they volunteered their business card to me when it became apparent we wouldn't have enough time to keep talking right then). Today they responded to my email. It was a friendly, kind and humble response, which was encouraging - but I'm a bit intimidated (and excited) because of the person's stature. I also know that this person is busy, and I don't expect or anticipate lengthy or frequent responses. One good sign is that they suggested a possibility of another in-person meet up sometime in the future.
So... what are the guidelines for writing an email response that will elicit another response? This is really just an "art of conversation" question, filtered for emails. I have read about keeping it breezy, and focusing questions on the other person. Don't ask too many questions. Never brag. Am I sort of on the right track, here? What else?
Before you advise me that I'm probably overthinking this: trust me, I know. I'm nerdy and hypercurious. I get excited. I just need some guidance (or examples/templates) on how to write a friendly, conversational email that is at once brief but also engaging enough that the other person will still feel genuinely interested in writing back.
Also, as someone hoping to foster a mentorship/friendship, I'd like to offer something back in return - volunteer hours to assist them in one of their efforts? Is this appropriate? I don't just want to "take" - I want to give, as well. It seems like good networking emails don't ask anything of the other person, but instead offer. Since I'm low on the career totem pole and don't have much practical experience (but a lot of subject matter expertise, and passion), the best thing I can offer is some kind of volunteer/unpaid assistance.
TL;DR: How do I play it cool in an email with a really important person that I'd like to foster a career mentorship/friendship with?
I can provide more specifics and context, if needed, but depending on what it is I may prefer to correspond by MeMail for keeping things pseudo-anonymous.
You are definitely overthinking this.
A mentor/mentee relationship, is just that, a relationship.
You develop it by authentically being you, and seeing what sticks. Hideously calculated emails and How to Win Friends and Influence People approaches, are in general, a huge turnoff to most people with any influence. They get dozens of those per week, if not day.
I'd be respectful of the other persons time, keep my expectations low, and see what happens.
posted by mrdaneri at 7:41 PM on August 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
A mentor/mentee relationship, is just that, a relationship.
You develop it by authentically being you, and seeing what sticks. Hideously calculated emails and How to Win Friends and Influence People approaches, are in general, a huge turnoff to most people with any influence. They get dozens of those per week, if not day.
I'd be respectful of the other persons time, keep my expectations low, and see what happens.
posted by mrdaneri at 7:41 PM on August 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
KISS - follow up on what they wrote, add a note or two of appreciation for specific works, and maybe a question that you think they are best to answer (versus something any professional in the field could answer). Treat this as a casual, on-going conversation, not a pen-pal situation where you're not going to hear from a person for weeks or months.
You don't want to overwhelm them, especially if you want to start a possible professional relationship, because you could come off as an uber-fan. Some people are patient with the uber-fans, and enjoy talking in depth with people about their practice, while other people are put off by the intensity, however well-meaning.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:03 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
You don't want to overwhelm them, especially if you want to start a possible professional relationship, because you could come off as an uber-fan. Some people are patient with the uber-fans, and enjoy talking in depth with people about their practice, while other people are put off by the intensity, however well-meaning.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:03 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Also, don't try to captivate them - it sounds like you have already piqued their interest or consideration, so you're already good on that front. Let this develop more slowly, naturally. Mention a thing or two that you're working on, and if the potential mentor asks about that, elaborate. But don't mention things just to "hook" them, you already have.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:05 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by filthy light thief at 8:05 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Are there any points where you can make good jokes? I have a pretty sweet mentor in my field right now, and I honestly feel like I got him 99% by being slightly irreverent (the OPPOSITE of sucking up; seriously, that is poison) and making some pretty good jokes.
Oh! And also, can you offer them anything? Even like the email contact of a person you think they'd be genuinely interested in talking to? I find that no kind of communication has a better result than: "Oh, you like X? I feel like you'd really love Y." Especially if X is something not super obvious, but something you gleaned in-person from your last conversation. Be friendly but not sycophantic, make a good joke, and then take yourself out of the equation and be a facilitator. It's friendship-making gold.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 8:10 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh! And also, can you offer them anything? Even like the email contact of a person you think they'd be genuinely interested in talking to? I find that no kind of communication has a better result than: "Oh, you like X? I feel like you'd really love Y." Especially if X is something not super obvious, but something you gleaned in-person from your last conversation. Be friendly but not sycophantic, make a good joke, and then take yourself out of the equation and be a facilitator. It's friendship-making gold.
posted by pretentious illiterate at 8:10 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'll just back up pretentious illiterate. I got my mentor, a relative legend in our field, because we were literally weeping with laughter within about 30 seconds of meeting each other.
Warning: High risk, high yield strategy.
posted by mrdaneri at 8:15 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Warning: High risk, high yield strategy.
posted by mrdaneri at 8:15 PM on August 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Seconding the strategy of being true to yourself and keeping things simple.
A long gushing email is difficult to respond to, but no need to play it cool, either. Honesty and thoughtful initiative go a long way. So does conciseness. It demonstrates a respect for the other person's time.
Say it like it is, you are still new to the field and are inspired by Kind Of A Big Deal's work. The opportunity to talk further at their convenience will be greatly appreciated as your keen to grow and learn about Field of Choice. Offer something in an organic way. Mention News Article Or Initiative Relevant To Their Known Interests that you came across and wanted to share in case they find it interesting. And then let them respond.
Be courteous. Be straightforward. Keep it simple. You usually can't go wrong with that strategy. If they don't follow up right away they might just be busy and not rejecting you. If so, follow up with a courteous email a week later.
To put it simply, courtesy and enthusiasm in a concise format is already about 90% better than most emails they will read.
Good luck!
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 9:23 PM on August 19, 2015
A long gushing email is difficult to respond to, but no need to play it cool, either. Honesty and thoughtful initiative go a long way. So does conciseness. It demonstrates a respect for the other person's time.
Say it like it is, you are still new to the field and are inspired by Kind Of A Big Deal's work. The opportunity to talk further at their convenience will be greatly appreciated as your keen to grow and learn about Field of Choice. Offer something in an organic way. Mention News Article Or Initiative Relevant To Their Known Interests that you came across and wanted to share in case they find it interesting. And then let them respond.
Be courteous. Be straightforward. Keep it simple. You usually can't go wrong with that strategy. If they don't follow up right away they might just be busy and not rejecting you. If so, follow up with a courteous email a week later.
To put it simply, courtesy and enthusiasm in a concise format is already about 90% better than most emails they will read.
Good luck!
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 9:23 PM on August 19, 2015
You sound like a screaming teenage fan! LOL! Stop overthinking this.
If that person is anything like the stellar mind you're describing here, he or she will see right through your over-prepared prose.
Since you have the person's business card and the email you were sent mentioned the possibility of meeting again, call that person in a few days and ask if he or she would be available for coffee.
posted by Kwadeng at 11:41 PM on August 23, 2015
If that person is anything like the stellar mind you're describing here, he or she will see right through your over-prepared prose.
Since you have the person's business card and the email you were sent mentioned the possibility of meeting again, call that person in a few days and ask if he or she would be available for coffee.
posted by Kwadeng at 11:41 PM on August 23, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
Take this as a sign that they don't want or need you to linguistically fellate them in every conversation. Some types of people enjoy that, but for folks that don't, hero worship gets old REALLY fast. No one wants to be friends with somebody who's constantly prostrating themselves crying we're not worthy.
If you want to be friends with this person, approach them as an equal and keep any urge to fangirl bottled up the best you can.
posted by phunniemee at 7:22 PM on August 19, 2015 [13 favorites]