Where did you meet your 5-7 closest friends? How often do you see them?

June 16, 2015 7:31 PM

I moved to a new city about 2.5 years ago and, aside from a few friendships that quickly faded by the 6-month mark, still have not made any friends. I don't want advice on where I should meet friends -- I want to know how you (i.e. people ~25-35 years old who are out of school and have been in the "real world" for a few years) have met the people you currently consider your closest friends. I want to have a better idea of how people ACTUALLY met the people they spend the most time with, how often they see them, and how many people they would consider friends.

I've enrolled in a few language classes in the evenings, have gone to a meet-up, and get along with the people at work, but haven't met anyone who was in a similar stage of life and was interested in new friends outside of their current group. Significant others can count, friends who live far away can count, but please specify that they fall into those categories. I'm mostly interested in seeing how many friends you have in the same city as you, but if your friends all live in other cities I'd be interested to know that too.

posted by Penguin48 to Human Relations (49 answers total)

Of my 6 closest friends, only my husband and my best friend from elementary school live in the same city (which is not the city that I went to elementary school in -- we both happened to move to Chicago well after college).

The other 4 friends live in other cities. Of these 4, two are friends from college and two are friends from my old job (one of these job-friends was actually my boss.) I keep in touch with my distant friends mostly via text and G-chat, both of which are infrequent, but we're close enough that the frequency doesn't seem to matter much to the quality of the friendship.
posted by coppermoss at 7:39 PM on June 16, 2015

1. Old job
2. Ok cupid date turned actual legit friendship
3. Craigslist W4W strictly platonic

Every 2-3 weeks.
posted by quincunx at 7:44 PM on June 16, 2015

I met most of my friends here through mutual interests, mostly. Meetups have never worked for me, but I started volunteering for a specific event and got involved with that. That put me around a lot of people around my age (and older and younger, which is important to me -- so I have friends that range from their mid-20s to their 60s -- I'm mid-30s -- and they're all great) and I branched out from there.

For me, social media (especially Twitter) has been important with that -- I've found people who share my interests who live in my area and I'm able to say "hey, I'm doing this thing if anyone wants to join." Sometimes people do. Sometimes they don't. But it's a good way to form connections in a low-stakes way. I've made several friendships that way.

I have a group of people (about 6-8) I get together with once a week or so -- I'm not really that close to them, but I like them. I have other "good" friends (4-5) I see every couple/few weeks, and even better friends I see even more rarely (busy lives and all). I have a significant other I see at least once a week (soon to be more). I have other good friends (2-3) who are close enough we see each other at "big" events but they live too far away for it to be more than that. I then have friends all over -- a mix of people I grew up with, went to college with, met online, met at events, etc.

It's maybe not quite your question, but at a certain point I just decided good friends happen when they happen. Having a social group is sometimes enough for me. I'm pretty much an introvert but I do enjoy being social and having someone to go to a show with or chat with at an event. I am happy with my close friends --- I'll always take more -- but sometimes just hanging out with people is cool, too.
posted by darksong at 7:48 PM on June 16, 2015 [1 favorite]

Mine would be my fiancé (who I met fairly randomly, through a guy my friend met at a bar), my college roommate who lives in my city, two of my high school friends who live in my city -- one in the city proper, one in the suburbs, two work friends I've worked with for a few years, and my sister who also lives in this city.

I see the fiancé daily and everyone else from once a week to once a month depending on schedules

The main characteristics are either I saw then every day (my work friends who became real friends) or I knew them before I moved to the big city where I now live (and where, granted, many people from my suburban town live).
posted by neematoad at 7:48 PM on June 16, 2015

1. Husband - every day - met via okcupid
2. Brother-in-law - once or twice a week - met via husband once BIL & fiancee moved to our city
3. Brother-in-law's fiancee - once or twice a week - met via husband fiancee moved to our city
4. Former coworker - once a week - met at former job
5. Co-mentor - once a week - we were assigned to mentor the high school student through MindsMatter SF
6. Old high school classmate - once a month - met in a high school class way back in the day and hit it off
7. ~6-8 person friend group (large group that does things as a group) - once a week - met through rock climbing + dinner regularly on Friday evening.

Every single person in the list above know each other and hang out with each other without me around (outside of #6). We all rock climb, and that's definitely the glue that binds my friend group together.
posted by Jaclyn at 7:56 PM on June 16, 2015

Most of my friends live in other cities now. I keep in touch with a friend from elementary school and a friend from high school, both of whom live close (but not actually in) the cities where we attended those schools. I made a lot of friends during the eight years I lived in NYC, but we all scattered to the wind since then - some still live there, some moved to various points across the country, and I moved away too. I tend to see the dearest ones once a year or so.

I made friends from roommates and their groups of friends, people I worked with, people I went through my master's program with, people from a hobby class, and people from a science fiction book club (which is also where I met my husband). Most of the people from all of those categories are people that I saw frequently (weekly or at least bi-monthly) when it was convenient and not often at all since I moved, but there are one or two from each category that made the list of frequent contact and/or annual visits.

Now I spend time with people that I guess I would call friends - the people that my husband went to college with and their spouses - but the word "friends" doesn't mean to me what it used to when I was younger, and when the friendships grew up a little more organically. I don't have as much need (or time!) for those friendships as I used to. I have lived in my new town for four years and have made one independent friend who didn't know my husband first. I see her once a month or so.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 7:57 PM on June 16, 2015

It's all been based on mutual interests. For a while hubby and I participated in meetup focused on couples that didn't have kids. We would meet for dinner, shows, game nights, roughly every couple of weeks. Since having kids a lot of our social life revolves around playdates and kids' birthday parties.

We don't have any family in the immediate area but wanted our kids to feel like they were part of a community. To that end, a year or so ago we joined a local church, and in addition to going to weekly service and staying for the coffee hour after service, we actively participate in the small groups, so we see people at least once a week. We've been very open with people about the reason we joined the church, and people have been very welcoming towards us in terms of inviting us to events.

It's work. It's taken us years to develop a shared social circle. Sometimes there are events that one or the other of us don't want to go to, but we remind each other of why we got involved with whichever person or group in the first place. We have learned from experience that if you turn down an invitation, you likely won't get invited again, at least not without a lot of work (this is in the beginning of the social relationship). It's okay to check out some groups and assess whether they are a good fit and if not to move on quickly, but the more you keep showing to something the more people are willing to put time and effort in getting to know you.
posted by vignettist at 8:10 PM on June 16, 2015 [2 favorites]

I met almost all of my current friends either at work (in my first adult job - I haven't made any real friends in the couple following that) or by joining a regular pub trivia night when I was invited by an acquaintance. I see them somewhere between a couple times a week and every three months, depending on the person and how well our schedules are matching. I met my boyfriend completely randomly outside these groups.
posted by the agents of KAOS at 8:39 PM on June 16, 2015

I moved back to my hometown after many years away:

- Bff 1 - have known since high school; we're in the same city, see each other 1-2 x a month; she's got heavy familial obligations. (I have some, not as many or as intense, these days.) I also hang out with her fairly tight-knit group of friends now and then (maybe every month or so?), usually with Bff present and at her invitation, sometimes not.
- Bff 2 - have known since our parents met in the park when we were 12 mos old. We've lived in different cities most of our lives. We meet every couple of years, and it's like no time's passed.
- Bff 3 - met at university, also have lived in different cities for over a decade. It's the same as with Bff 2.

When I moved back, I made a very good new friend through my brother (his friend's sister); she introduced me to three of her buds - not my usual crowd, but a lot of fun. We (all single women at the time) spent most weekends together for a few years, until all four of them got married and pregnant within the same six months (!).

I met four completely new people I'd go so far as to call kindred spirits, the kind of people you can talk about anything with, and get excited to see - three through interests (different interests, they don't know each other), one through a mutual friend I knew from university. Two live in different countries now. The other two live in my city, and we always want to meet up, but somehow don't, that often, maybe once every few months. With one, it's because she's got a wide group of friends and now a partner and limited time; the other works weird hours and gets kind of worn out by the day/week, low energy levels. (I'm a bit like that too.) All of them are women who were (like me) at turning points in their lives when I met them (i.e., had just left relationships or moved, hence having evenings free to take classes or whatever), all are very similar in terms of interests (creative, etc); age range = 30-40.

Should say, I also lost some momentum for a couple of years, when I was studying/working/caregiving/living way out in the burbs. In that period, I did meet a bunch of people through interests and mutual friends, but wasn't able to devote much time to nurturing those relationships.

Right now, I'm not in the headspace to get much into hobbies, but that's the way forward, imo - I know it works, if you're genuinely into what you're doing.

I agree with vinettist that it takes work - energy and stamina and the will to do it.
posted by cotton dress sock at 8:42 PM on June 16, 2015

I have two best friends: one I met in college almost twenty years ago (!!!) who currently lives 300 miles away, and the other I met six or so years ago at work. We recognized each other as kindred spirits almost immediately. And luckily, current life bestie is one of those miraculous people who collects friends wherever she goes and has a big circle of interesting, hilarious friends that she introduced me to and they became my friends. I hang out with this group of women every few months or so, and we try to get together in one big group with spouses and kids once a year or so.

College bestie and I talk either on IM, texting, or phone several times a week, we maybe get together once a year. Current life bestie and I talk by text or on Twitter daily. We see each other 1-2x a month.

I'm pretty close with a pair of couples I met at my church. We see each other every few months or so? (Probably would see them more if I attended church more regularly. Heh.)

We get together with my husband's best friend and his wife once a year or so.

It's hard to make friends as an adult! I moved back to my home state in 2003. It took me probably 5 years or so to make a solid group of friends. Everyone has busy lives and jobs and kids so it's hard to make time to hang out. It's always a pretty big production to get more than one friend in one place.
posted by Aquifer at 8:45 PM on June 16, 2015

It's kind of skewed at the moment, because I happen to be living in the same city I grew up in and am single (I'm in my late twenties, moved back a year or two ago). My local friends are mostly very old friends who are also from around here. Though of course there are a couple friends who I'm close to regardless of whether we're living near each other or not:

1. We met in college (started out as roommates). We both live in the city we grew up in (a different city than our college). We see each other a couple times a month, have a looooong talk on the phone every week or so. (Has been my closest friend for over a decade -- she's like a sister to me).

2. We met in college (at the library, through mutual friends). We haven't lived in the same place since college. We only see each other every couple years -- the biggie was when we took a long international vacation together. I wish we could see each other much more! We talk anywhere from every day to every few weeks. (Has always been my rock, is also like family to me).

3. We met in middle school (we had a class together). Whenever we've both been in town, we've made an effort to see each other -- sometimes, that's only every few years, though! Since we've both been living in the same city recently, we've been seeing each other every week or so. She's about to move out of state, and I plan to visit/stay with her for my vacation in a couple months.

4. We met in middle school (played together in the school orchestra). We live on opposite ends of the same city that we grew up in, so it takes a couple hours for me to get to her house or vice versa. We see each other every 2-3 months, email every few weeks. (This is basically what our relationship has been like since high school).

5. We met in high school (took a summer class together). We live in different cities, but see each other whenever we're in the same town -- since we're from the same place, that's pretty frequently. Usually, we see each other a handful of times a year, sometimes more, sometimes less. We don't talk much if we're not seeing each other in person -- just casual texts and stuff. (We used to be very close friends, but have drifted apart over time).

6. We met in a community class a couple years after college. We live in different cities now, but in the same region (a couple hours' drive apart). We see each other every few months, maybe a handful of times a year. We chat online or email each other every month or so. (We're pretty good friends, but are very different and are probably as close now as we're ever going to be).

I also see my family (parents and grandma) a lot -- proximity to them is a big reason I moved back to town in the first place. Sundays are basically blocked off for them.

Also, since I've known most of these friends for so long, I'm also friends with and hang out with their siblings, other friends of theirs, we both hang out with other friends of mine, etc. So we end up doing group stuff pretty frequently, even though we're not a "friend group." Actually, two of those friend-of-a-friends are now married and expecting a baby because I set them up on a blind date!

When I lived in another city across the country (at ages 24-27), I met my close local friends:

1. & 2. Through a writing group (saw each other every week to every couple months).

3. & 4. Through work (saw each other pretty much every day at work! and then we'd hang out after work or do things together (usually as a group) on other days).

5. Through a community college class (he became my SO and we moved in together, but we've since broken up).

6. Met in high school, though we were only acquaintances back then. She was the only person I knew in town when I first got there, so I looked her up. We'd hang out for coffee or drinks every few months.

I also spent a lot of time hanging out with my SO's family (aunt and cousin) -- we were over at their house at least a couple times a week. We also made a lot of friends as a couple (neighbors, other people in the same community college class, etc) and hung out with those friends every week or two, but for various reasons, I haven't wanted to keep in touch with those friends since the breakup. That's pretty much how things have gone in all my previous relationships, too (spending lots of time with the SO's friends and family, but then more-or-less cutting ties with both the SO and with his/our friends when we breakup).
posted by rue72 at 8:46 PM on June 16, 2015

I work really long hours during the week so all of my socializing has to take place over the weekend. This reduces how frequently I can meet up with people, as does the fact that I and many other of my close friends have small kids. Before kids and my current job I was meeting up with my friends much more often.

2 of my closest friends are family friends that I've known my whole life. We meet every other month or so, either intentionally going to someone's house or meeting up at a common event like a wedding or birthday.

4 are friends I made from elementary-high school. I meet someone from this group around once a month, and every couple of months we will all do things together.

My wife moved to our city 7 years ago and she met all of her friends through work or meet-up activities for other expats from her country. She is able to meet up with her friends more often because she is at home with the kids and her friends have more flexible work schedules so they can meet up on a weekday. I would say she meets up with non-mom friends about once a week.

By and large these groups of friends do not overlap or meet each other. My family and school friends know of each other as they've seen each other at birthday parties when I was a kid and things like my wedding, but I wouldn't make a mixed group of them.

I am living in my hometown which partly explains why my closest friends are all people I've known forever. Between the ages of 17-30 I was in various other cities for school or work and all of my closest friends there were either other people also at my school/work or friends my wife had made through expat resources. For the friends I made while I was in these other cities I mostly keep up with them on Facebook and we will meet up if one of us is in town.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 8:46 PM on June 16, 2015

I moved to Seattle when I was 25 and then to Portland at 32.

Making friends in my twenties in Seattle was way easier because I didn't have a kid or a house to take all my time, and I could just hang on the weekends much more. Mostly I just met people through mutual friends, though I do also have a couple work friends from that era with whom I'm still close. Most of them, since we live in different cities now, we keep up via Facebook/text and see each other a few times a year, we make a point of spending quality time together when we do see each other. I just returned from a 5-day beach trip with one of them.

Of my Portland friends, I met most of them via a "twenties and thirties" group at the local Unitarian Universalist church. It's funny, none of us actually go there anymore now that we are pushing 40, but we are still close. One couple we see all the freaking time because they live a few blocks from us and our sons go to the same school. Another couple we see maybe once every month or two for dinner and try to do at least one camping trip together in the summer. Of my non-UU friends, most of them I met through work. I'm a librarian so we're an introverted bunch, so I did a LOT of "hey you seem cool, we should grab a beer sometime" first moves -- I never would have the friends I do now if I hadn't. I will note that my success rate was about 20%... most people that I had lunch or a beer with didn't stick because we didn't have as much in common as I thought, or they were too busy with their own kids/lives or whatever. It's definitely work to make friends in your thirties.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 9:27 PM on June 16, 2015

In order of oldest to newest:
1) My high school bff. We haven't lived in the same city for over a decade, and no longer even live on the same continent, but we will hang out for a glorious few hours whenever our paths happen to cross (which is rarely). Haven't seen her in person for almost two years at the moment, and in between visits we actually rarely talk, but when we DO get together that matters very little. We're certainly not as intimately involved in each others lives as we once were, but we're still close in a way that's hard to describe.
2) My dance school family. The 8 of us met on the first day of school (attended a post-secondary conservatory dance program together), and spent 8+ hours a day for three years sweating and working and bleeding and crying and laughing together. We formed a performance collective together once we graduated which we ran for almost 7 years, and even after that we still weren't sick of each other. Our lives have all diverged since, and many of us no longer live in the same city, but they are still my family and the closest friends I've ever had. Since I no longer live in the same city, I probably only get to see them twice a year if I'm lucky now, but when we lived in the same city I saw at least a few of them every week and, when our crazy lives allowed, we'd make an effort to have all of us in the same room at the same time at least once a month in a non-business capacity.
3) My grad school friends. These are 3 people who are in my cohort and who I get along well with. I wouldn't say we're super tight, even after 3 years of working together in the same program/department, but we do hang out and socialize once or twice a month, sometimes more. I've honestly found it pretty hard to make connections here, since I still feel like my old city was "home" and it's hard to be open to friends when I still feel super connected to my old ones... but I'm actively working at it, and have managed to make some decent connections with a few people here. It is WORK, though. For realsies.
4) My boyfriend. We met on OKCupid, which I joined in an effort to meet people in my new city. It worked out pretty damn magically, and we now live together so I see him every day. He's my best friend. :)

Making new friends is hard, and I'm realizing that it gets harder the older you are, simply because people have for the most part already established deep connections with the people who are their "people", and aren't looking for or in need of relationships in the same way that, say, my dance family and I were when we were 18 and had all just moved to a big city and were all starting a Big New Thing at the same time. Boyfriend aside, I really feel like the friends I've made post-dance school (which was my equivalent of a "college" experience) are not on he same level as friends made before that. There just isn't the same sort of intensity of connection, or the same degree of shared experience.... and that's ok! My grown-up friends are more diverse in terms of their experiences and interests than my older friends, and our relationships are far more casual and less demanding, which is a good thing at this point in my life. I've had to learn that it's OK to have friends who you just like spending time with, who aren't necessarily the Closest Most Intimate Friends EVER, and that casual friendships are cool, too.
posted by Dorinda at 10:06 PM on June 16, 2015

I have three main groupings of friends:
1) Group of three women and their spouses/partners that I consider my "primaries"--we all see each other at least once or a few times every 1-2 weeks, and if there's an occasion for a group activity we immediately default to including each other. We have an ongoing facebook message that we write in daily. I met these women by working with one of them (we also all work in the same industry).
2) Group of two women--we call each other besties and generally try to make a weekly dinner/activity date, though sometimes if life gets busy we don't see each other for a few weeks. They also work in the same industry I work in, and I knew them as acquaintances before (they became best friends first) and became closer with them by making an active effort to hang out more. Scheduling activities became the basis for our current hangout nights.
3) Larger group of friends--I'm tighter with a few members of the group than others, and I would consider them really close friends. I got to know them through my industry (again! It's very small) and became closer with them because we ended up working together. Now I hang out with them at least once a week/sometimes more, especially since they and their larger circle are less long-term-partnered and less settled, much like myself. This is my more active/party/bar crowd.

All the people above live in the LA area, notably the valley/silverlake/echo park. Sometimes these groups overlap but generally they are separate. We're all in our mid/late-20s to early 30s, and as I get older I feel like it is more and more difficult to make friends. Very grateful for the ones I have.
posted by sprezzy at 10:20 PM on June 16, 2015

I work slightly late hours/weekends, and I moved to a new city after graduating college, so I definitely had some difficulty in finding a new friend group out of nothing. It's tough, and it's taken me 4-ish years to build up a good network, but I feel like those relationships are strong and reciprocal. I know it does not seem this way, but there are a lot of us out there who are having the same difficulty, and are looking for new friends too! I always try to be open to going to anything I'm invited to, and making an effort at conversation with the people I don't know. For me, there was not an "automatic payoff" so to speak, but a gradual building of relationships.
1. SO; we met while living next-door to each other. Also very close friends with his then roommate and roommate's SO. I see the SO pretty much every day, i.e. primary relationship.
2. BFF happened to move to a city an hour away, so we see each other once a month maybe, and intermittently text.
3. BFF #2 We were roommates and really connected. We no longer live together, but hang out at least once-twice a week, and text/email every other day. I also get invited to group functions with her other friends, and I've made some great connections there too.
4. Met a cool client my age/life stage through work; we didn't hang out outside of work situations until maybe a year after we first met, but we just grabbed drinks one night, found out we really gelled, and decided to hang out more often. They also have an unpredictable work schedule, so we are both flexible with our plans, and hang out more on weeknights than weekends.
5. Friends of SO...these are mainly people he's known since high school. Most new friends that he keeps up with nowadays he met through graduate school; they get together maybe once/twice a month.
posted by gollie at 10:40 PM on June 16, 2015

I moved overseas after I finished uni and made friends initially through my (now) ex-husband. One of my closest friends went to high school with him - I usually see that friend once, maybe twice a week. Others my ex went to uni with, or were in the extended uni crowd of roleplayers, boardgamers, vaguely eccentric and/or queer people. The ones I've hung onto I formed friendships with in my own right. Two of those moved interstate, so we don't see each other terribly often but have good phone calls every week or so. Another one has two small kids, but we catch up once a month-ish.

My other main source of friends is from work - I've been at the same job for 12 years, which has allowed me to develop some good friendships where we will frequently catch up for lunch/early dinner after work during the week, and maybe once every month or so on the weekend. I'd say I have about 3 more closer friends in this category. Also my most recent ex, with whom I am still friends, originally worked at the same place; we live in neighbouring suburbs so will see each other every week or two.

I did volunteer work for several years and have one friend I see pretty infrequently from that. I've also tried joining a choir, but that didn't work very well in terms of making friends. People would come, most of them seemed to know each other already and chatted with each other, we'd sing, then all go our separate ways.

It's pretty tough not only as you get older, but if you are an introvert who has a hard time inserting yourself. I struggle with large groups of people and am hesitant to intrude myself into pre-existing relationships/friendships/conversations. I've been trying to enhance my interactions with some of the friendly people I know at work/originally from work by setting up board game events, things like that. Occasionally my inner extrovert takes charge and manages to steal the show, but I can't always rely on that happening.
posted by Athanassiel at 11:44 PM on June 16, 2015

2 closest friends from high school - far away - chat almost daily - see each other 1th/month or 1th/2 month
1 spouse of high school friends
2 more people joined our group a few years back as the girls worked in a bar together

This group I consider emotionally closest.

1 friend from my semester abroad - very close but only talk once in a while and see each other 1th / year

On a day to day basis my main person is my fiancé and my family to which I speak on the phone once a week.

I also spend some time with people in the city I live which I wouldnt consider "friends" which would be my fiancés family (I really like them), old acquaintances from work or college which have also moved here. I see most of these about 1th/month or less.

And then there is my weekly meetup group (Game Night). Very cool people but more of a way to spend some fun time with someone and not as much of friends. We sometimes meet outside of Game Night for drinks.

I find making friends in a new city incredibly difficult. Friendships take time and we're all so damn busy as grown-ups. I'd concentrate on keeping old, long-distance relationships alive, finding friends among co-workers and being very proactive in interest groups which strongly build on social activities such as volunteering, games or team / partner sports.
posted by Fallbala at 12:53 AM on June 17, 2015

I was also in the position of moving to a new city and not having any friends. This persisted for a year or two. Hang in there!

I met all my current closest friends through Meetup, mainly through nightlife groups. I think how this happened was a) turning up to the same group repeatedly and seeing the same people b) adding said people on Facebook c) organising our attending things which weren't meetups.

I see them every week or two guess. It would be more but I have a lot of different social groups.
posted by Erberus at 2:24 AM on June 17, 2015

being very proactive in interest groups which strongly build on social activities such as volunteering, games or team / partner sports.

Yes - and creative activities, which can offer scope to get to know people in a few ways. Mutual appreciation for the things we did or made is what kicked off some of my newer friendships.
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:32 AM on June 17, 2015

One answer I haven't seen yet quickly glancing through this thread: merafilter itself! I met one of my very good friends when she memailed me about an ask I'd posted years ago and forgotten about. I noticed we had other things in common from her posting history, wrote back, we switched over to long emails and Skype/Google hangouts eventually, and before I knew it I was letting a relative stranger from the internet crash on my futon for the weekend. A+, would host mefite again.

We live much further away now, but we're still managing google hangouts once a week/every other week, and I took an amazing longer trip out to see her a little while back.

Tl;dr; don't be afraid to reach out to mefites who post nifty things.
posted by ActionPopulated at 3:07 AM on June 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Of my closest friends...

1. J, boyfriend, knew from high school (ten years ago) and reunited with in the past year, see 4-5x weekly
2. C, cousin, have been close with since childhood and even closer as adults, see 2x/month, often for whole weekends though
3. E, friend, met in college when she was C's roommate, see maybe 1x/month
4. R, friend, met via a Reddit meetup (local NJ subreddit), see maybe 1x/month
5. D, friend, know from high school, see 1x/month
6. C, friend, met through mutual friends of R, see 2x/month

I should mention that I probably talk to 4/6 of these people daily, though.
posted by rachaelfaith at 4:47 AM on June 17, 2015

I moved from my homestate to major city 6 years ago. My BFF lives in Homestate, but we talk a few times a week. I still have good friend there, but we maybe talk once a year, and see each other during visits in our respective cities. BFF is friends with all my friends back home, so I keep up with them through her too. And facebook.

Then 6 years ago I moved to Big City, and most of the people I was friend with then were people that I knew from Homestate. 6 years later, I'm not friends with the same people I started out with in Big City (some falling outs, some moved away, some drifted) but most of the people I am friends with I met through my first round of city friends. Then I became friends with their friends and so on and so on. Also I had some roommates that I became close to. And one or two people that I met through work. But mostly, I was meeting people by going to parties or dinners or whatever.
posted by greta simone at 4:57 AM on June 17, 2015

I'm an academic who moved to a college town in the Midwest for work after living on the East & West Coasts all my life, so all of my closest friends (not counting my spouse) live thousands of miles away. I see most of them once or twice a year, but I talk to a close friend via email/ text/ social media/ phone call at least every few days. Of those friends, the oldest I technically met at Baby Swim at the Y when I was six months old, and the newest I met at a work conference about five years ago.

My closest friends in a two-hundred-mile radius are a coworker and her partner (we climb and play D&D together), a couple whom an old friend met when he went to grad school nearby, and several people whom I know through the Society for Creative Anachronism. I'm friendly with many of my other coworkers, too. The SCA is definitely the social group I count on for meeting people outside work; when you move a lot, it's great to have a worldwide social network to tap into.
posted by yarntheory at 6:21 AM on June 17, 2015

I actually met most my friends online. Moved to a city were most of them lived, Boston, and I see them every Friday night.

Some have moved away but the addition of partners and spouses (and now kids) to that group has kept it pretty healthy. Maybe 10 adults I see at least once a week for about 8 years.

Having a standing 'friend date', ours is a game night, is extremely helpful.
posted by French Fry at 7:06 AM on June 17, 2015

I shit you not: MetaFilter.

About 5 or 6 of us all met at a meetup in about 2009ish, and now we travel together, go to each other's weddings, take care of each other's pets, and godparent the kids. If I don't see them about once a week I get antsy.

Oh! And we've introduced each other to our non-Mefite friends and significant others, and now we all hang out in varying configurations of Mefites and civilians. It's a great crew. My family. :)
posted by functionequalsform at 7:08 AM on June 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Friends of friends, volunteer work, and Mefi! In terms of friends of friends, one of my best friends now is someone who was an acquaintance of a college friend, and we met at a party 7 or so years ago and hit it off because of common interests. In terms of Mefi, many of the friends I see often these days I met at meetups. Didn't work out instantly or anything--first couple meetups I went to were awkward--but now they're not at all, and I hang out with Mefites one on one, too.
posted by ferret branca at 7:11 AM on June 17, 2015

I've moved between countries several times and had to rebuild my social life from scratch. I'm self employed, and not in school, so I didn't have any built-in groups. I also have a lot of social anxiety, so these things not only take work, but require really going outside of my comfort zone.

My closest friends where I live now I met through online dating, either directly or indirectly (dating people and being invited into their social group). Of course this can be tricky if you break up. I've been lucky here.

I also push myself to get involved in lots of things: roller derby, dance classes, acrobatics, yoga. And I tried to "level up" with the people I really got along with. I started a game night and invited everyone I met from my language classes. I had a dinner party and invited the people from the game night who I really clicked with. I got to the point with my acrobatics where I could teach, so I started to teach, and invited people from roller derby who I thought would like it.

It's a lot of work. And some days I feel like I am always on the edge looking in. But that's just the anxiety talking. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life and I am grateful.

I have, I would say, 5 really good friends here now. In any given ten days, I usually see all of them at least once.

I also have some very close friends who are not local, of course.
posted by Nothing at 7:23 AM on June 17, 2015

Husband - met in college. Daily.
Sister - 3 hours away. Every 2-3 months. Text/email almost daily.
Friend from elementary school - in town, every 2-3 weeks.*
Friend from middle school - in town, every 2-3 weeks for lunch alone, with other friends, with spouses.*
Husband's friend's sister - 1 hour away, every 2-3 months, speak via gchat a few times a week. Became close by talking through similar career issues.
Husband's coworker/friend's roommate, works in my industry - in town, once a month, speak via gchat 1-2 times a week. Became close when I got a job near her, started having lunch regularly.

*I wasn't close friends with these people until we were adults. We remained part of the same extended social circle through college and when we settled in the same town as adults, we became close.
posted by mchorn at 7:55 AM on June 17, 2015

1. Elementary School - Every day (she lives in my guest room)
2. High School - 2-3 times per year (we live half way across the country from each other but I go there for work and to visit my family)
3. College - same as #2
4&5. Local small business owners meet-up - Probably average once per week.
posted by magnetsphere at 8:20 AM on June 17, 2015

Highschool, exes turned friends, friend matches on OKC, livejournal, former coworkers, friends met at parties through other friends.

Frequency has mostly to do with distance (some are in other cities or countries) and schedule (some have kids or busy lives). Varies between weekly, monthly, seasonally, yearly, semi-decade-ly.
posted by ead at 8:48 AM on June 17, 2015

I met my best friend Jim because I was a real oddball in the college psych class we both were in. He asked me to be in a band he was putting together, and I got to know my bandmates. That turned into another band that had a bit of success on campus and later off. And that evolved in to a bunch of people in a run down house throwing fairly successful parties and playing in each others' bands. And so I met quite a number of lovely people because I was a doof in psych class.

The other group I keep in touch with back there are the bartenders at the place I used to go. A friend of a friend did a weekly free-jazz show at some dark, unfashionably located bar, and I was quite devoted to the series back in the day. I'd get there early, when the place was dead, and chat with the bartender, Ned. Eventually, I started coming during the week, and since all the bartenders were cool, and since the place was usually dead during the hours I drink, I got to know them fairly well.

Julie I met just because she was cute and sitting at the next table over. I don't generally talk to people sitting at the next table over, at least unless we've been coming to the same place at the same time for months. But Julie was attractive enough to overcome my reticence and seemed open to conversation in a way that strangers rarely seem to be. And from there we stayed in touch.
posted by wotsac at 9:43 AM on June 17, 2015

From known-longest to most-recent:

1) My BFF - our parents were college buddies and we have literally known each other since infancy. She lives the next state over. We see each other 1-2 times a year.
2) My siblings - one currently lives in my house, one still with my parents (2.5 hour drive.) I see one every day and the other about every 2 months.
3) People I met online through fandom when I was in college and am still close to - one lives in a big city pretty far from my city, and we see each other in person infrequently (twice in 8 years!) but chat online, text and email several times a week. The other two live in my city and I see them 1-5 times per month depending on schedules, with more frequent e-contact.
4) My husband - we met at a sci fi convention. I see him daily. :)
5) My husband's buddies who are now our mutual friends - we podcast together about once a month and get together 3-5 times a year, email more frequent.
6) More recent close friends made online through fandom - very frequent email and chat contact with some texts; most live in other states and I haven't met them.

What I've seen is that mutual interests are key. I am still friends with people I met on alt.tv.xfiles in the 90s and I'm not in regular contact with any of my friends from high school or college, though I still think fondly of the ones I was closest too--we just drifted apart over time and distance. Also, most of my friendships are maintained online and then occasionally supplemented by in-person hangs.
posted by oblique red at 9:43 AM on June 17, 2015

I've generally met friends through work or school connections, or by stumbling into th groups of people I met in that way. It hasn't really been a passive thing, though, since college -- that is, even in grad school, where there were a lot of folks looking for weekend fun and so forth, I was aware of "setting up dates" with friends, whether it was to see a concert or have lunch or whatever. So it does take work/investment, often over a year or two.

It's also fortuitous if you bump into one of those people who are superconnectors, either because they increase your chances of meeting the people who will actually become your pals or because they tend to want a lot of social events, so they'll be the people who know about the best concert, party, or whatever else is going on. I've had one of those in each major city I relocated to since being a grown-up, and I credit them with most of my eventual social circle, which was only tangentially related to my own workplace et al.

Agree with others that friends get scattered but can still keep in touch. Much harder when you have kids (schedule disruptions, exhaustion, etc.), but if you're lucky, you might pick up a couple of parent friends -- again, takes conscious effort to make happen though! Have had hits and misses there...
posted by acm at 9:44 AM on June 17, 2015

I'm assuming you're less interested in hearing about my work and school friends, although they do make up my core group of friends.
The main way I meet new friends, when not through work or school, is volunteering. I found an organization that I'm super motivated to be a part of, and I volunteer once or twice a month with a mix of 10+ people out of about 150 regular volunteers.
Also, I joined a book club.
When I meet up with a group of friends, it's pretty natural for us to bring another friend or two that tags along, and we end up being a mixed group and getting to know each other is fun.
posted by alon at 10:57 AM on June 17, 2015

1. My best friend since 4th grade joined the Air Force when we were in college and now lives on the other side of the country. We spent our early-to-late 20s without Facebook, so we kind of grew apart during that period. We both have families of our own and he comes back to visit his family occasionally, but I rarely get to see him. Maybe once every few years.

2. I became really close to a guy in college and we ended up being roommates senior year. After college, he moved out of state with his girlfriend (now-wife), started a family, and *poof* gone. No contact.

3. I met my closest still-local friend at a gathering a few years ago with my now-wife's neighbors. I found out that he was a transportation planner for our city, something that I've got a hobbyist interest in. We became Facebook buddies and I eventually joined their weekly D&D group. He is moving away and I am crushed. I have some friends through him, but I've never spent any time with them without Friend #3, so I'm not sure I can count them.

I had another circle of friends (back when I was single) that I voluntarily removed myself from after a difference of opinion of values came to light, but I would hang out with one or more of them maybe once every couple weeks. I actually met them through one person who I, strangely enough, met online over a shared interest in local restaurants.

Man, yeah... aside from Friend #3 who is moving (and my wife, obviously), I don't have any close friends around anymore. Well that's depressing.
posted by JimBJ9 at 12:34 PM on June 17, 2015

Most of the people I've been closest to over the past 10 years have been people I've met since I was 25:

1. Grad school (a program I moved very far away for, that was competitive to get into, but very sociable once in) - both classmates and people I met through those classmates are in my inner circle,

2. Bar trivia night - funny enough, I first went with people I only sorta knew (that I'd met on the Internet!), but I kept going back regularly for eight years(!),

3. Adult sports/fitness teams - I cycled through soccer/rowing/triathlon phases and picked up a few good buddies that way.

The handful of people I'm still in touch with from before then is a grab bag that ranges from high school friends to exes I'm still on good terms with.
posted by psoas at 1:08 PM on June 17, 2015

1. Boyfriend. Moved to a new city 1000 miles away when I was 25 and met him a year later at work. We've been together 9 years and live together.
2-3. Two friends from high school (they live 1000 miles away). The guy friend I talk/text with every few weeks, the girl friend I email sporadically. I see them whenever I go back to my hometown to visit my family, probably 3-4 times a year. Aside from my boyfriend, I would consider these two my best friends.
4. A guy I play trivia with every week. We met when a friend from Craigslist (met via Strictly Platonic in 2005 when I moved to the new city) brought a friend who brought this guy. The other people faded over time but this one stuck around! I see him usually once a week, and we text every few days.
5. A guy I met at work in about 2005. We email frequently and see each other for breakfast every month or so (he's 20 years older than me, everyone else mentioned is around my age (35)).
6. A girl I met in 2005. She lived in the building next to me and we met on LiveJournal (!!). We see each other a few times a year, even though she only lives a few miles away.

So it's either people I met when in high school or when I moved away from everyone I knew and had to start finding people to hang with. WEIRD. Lots of friends from those early-move days have disappeared, so I feel your pain.
posted by jabes at 1:37 PM on June 17, 2015

I moved to my current city in 2007 to live with my boyfriend. My closest friends here started off as his friends' girlfriends. Some of those relationships didn't last, but the friendships did. We all hung out as a big collective group but the girls didn't start hanging out separately until a few years later. There was some talk about starting a feminist discussion group at a bar one night that led to "ladies' nights" once a week. We've kind of fallen off the routine weekly ladies' nights and our schedules all vary, but we get together (outside of the big collective group) at least once or twice a month, sometimes more.

I've also made other friends through playing in a band, going to shows, attending free skool classes, but some of those friends are more situational (ie, I wouldn't call them up...well, maybe ever, but I'd message them on FB).
posted by dearwassily at 2:05 PM on June 17, 2015

I met my oldest friend group late in high school. I had befriended a couple of the girls in the group in various classes (art, gym) and they started inviting me to hang out outside of school. I slowly drifted away from my other friend group, and hung out with this group more and more, and became friends with all of them. We see each other once every 2-4 weeks. This weekend we're doing a girls' getaway trip, which I'm very excited about. We text often to a group chat to stay caught up with what everyone is doing.

I met my husband and my best friend (and her husband) in university. My husband and I lived across the hall from each other in our co-ed dorm. We had lots of chances to bump into each other in the shared areas and socialize together with other people on our floor, and we fell for each other very quickly. My best friend and I were in the same program, but had no classes together. We ended up meeting by chance at a student volunteering session. We both knew instantly that we would be friends. We were each others' maid of honor, and see each other as family more than friends now. We hang out 1-2 times a week, and text every day.

My other close friends are people I met at work. I see them from once every few months (friends from my previous job) to every day (the friends that I'm still working with). Some of them I think I may be falling out of touch with, but when we do meet up, there's lots of warmth and laughter. It's hard when everyone's busy and I hate that circumstances make it easier to stay in touch with some people over others, but that's life I guess.
posted by keep it under cover at 2:17 PM on June 17, 2015

All of the friends I made in adulthood are friends of my various SO's. My girlfriend's friends, my boyfriend's friends, and friends of those friends. I met all my SOs through craigslist and OkCupid.
posted by picklenickle at 5:50 PM on June 17, 2015

For the most part, the friends I hang out with in my city are sort of a crew -- we're all friends with each other, with the exception of one person on this list. And there are others in this group that wouldn't fit into my top 7 friends.

I've lived in my current city for 3 years, and it's my first city post-university. Here's my current top 7 local friends and how we met.

1) OkCupid, we went out to a club together as our first meeting w/ a few other friends of mine, never dated but remained close friends.
2) met at a party w some of my coworkers, later she ended up dating one of my friends and thus becoming part of the crew
3) my boyfriend - I went on a different OKC date (not friend #1) and we also didn't end up dating, but he brought a friend to a party once, we became friends, and eventually dated.
4 & 5) A couple, I'm friends independently with both of them -- met them randomly staying in the same house at Coachella about 1 month after I moved here, the guy works in the same industry as me, and the girl is awesome.
6) we met while studying abroad in sweden (at a bar, intro via mutual friend), and she moved to the same area as me ~a year ago.
7) we worked on the same team at my current job for about 6 months

I see my boyfriend (#2) every day. I used to see #7 every day when we worked together, now he works elsewhere and we hang out every week or two. #1, #3, #4, #5, and #7 all are friends with each other as well, so I often see them all at once (e.g. we all go out together). I see them like 3x a week sometimes, sometimes not for 2 weeks, but we all chat online and usually text every single day. #6 I see every 4-6 weeks depending. We have grown apart a bit I feel, our lives are quite diverged compared to 3 years ago, but it's still nice to chat and check in every once in a while as I really like her.

Not mentioned are the rest of the crew who I am very fond of, but not as personally connected to - maybe another 10-15 people. I also have a few other work friends who I see very regularly, but I have a feeling would fall off a bit if we didn't work together. My main friend crew has a shared hobby that almost all of us participate in, which helps solidify things.

I will say that this crew took a significant amount of time and energy to get going. I'm not the "leader" or anything, but I had several different iterations and cycles through groups who were kind of my primary friends. These groups I see rarely today or even not at all. I also had a major breakup 2 years in, that guy was friends with all my friends at the time, so it forced me to shake things up and kind of re-evaluate my current connections and make new ones. I put lots of effort into this, but on some level you need to just find like minded people and it's hard. #7 and I met and immediately clicked, but now that he left there is just no one like him at work. So I think it's a mixture of identifying your people and then following through with them.

Also, I only went on like 3 OKC dates ever, and dated none of those people, but clearly it was a useful tool in connecting me with like minded people. Online dating in general is good for this. My overall perspective is that there's an element of work and an element of luck involved, so good luck & don't give up!
posted by internet of pillows at 6:45 PM on June 17, 2015

I'm not in the age range requested, but it's an interesting question. I haven't taken stock of who my top 5-7 best friends are in a while. Regardless, all of them became friends in the town where I went to school, played in bands, and lived for six years after graduating. Like most folks, common interests (primarily the local music scene) brought these folks onto my radar.

I've made other friends since then - some very good friends - but there's something about that post-college group that feels more rooted. Even more than folks I've known since kindergarten. Maybe it's because I became friends with them while I was establishing myself and how I wanted my life to be, and they were in the same boat.

The folks from that group that I'm closest with are the folks I've played music with, and probably because that's a different kind of relationship. Next to my wife (also from the area), those are the folks with whom I've shared the most of myself.

Addendum: I see them at least weekly. I had moved away from the town in question, but now I'm back. It was daily 20 years ago, but now everyone has responsible jobs, kids, etc. and the band activity has slowed to a crawl.
posted by Cheesoning at 9:33 PM on June 17, 2015

It depends on where they live and/or if they have a husband/family/SO, to be honest. You have to have lower expectations for seeing those people, especially if you're single and they're not.

The out of town friends can range from seeing them every few years to every few months--I see most of my Bay Area peeps every 2-3 months on average because they're a couple of hours away. In town folks, well, I tend to see them more if we're in proximity. I've had friends of mine be on the same volunteer shift as me at our volunteer job so we had a set time to see each other, and the same goes for my writer friends. Another friend works fairly close to me and we're on the same bus line now. My friends are people I met in some class or other and/or the volunteer job and/or through other friends.

I think it's easiest if you can make friends at some kind of recurring thing, like a class or group. If you know you'll see them once a week, it really helps to build friendships.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:40 PM on June 17, 2015

I'm twenty-seven years old. I have a close group of five others that I hang out with at least weekly, often twice a week, for trivia/movies/parties/whatever. We all live in the same city.

The dynamic might be a little unconventional, since one of them is my FWB, and there's a couple in the group that I occasionally have group sex with too, so...

I seeded them initially through my ex-girlfriend when I started dating her in 2012. I didn't get particularly close with any of them until she and I broke up around this time last year. Towards the end of our relationship she had alienated them and myself with her behaviour and these people really helped me out a lot when I was going through a very difficult time.

The couple would frequently invite me into their home when I was feeling down. One of them approached me about my ex and we started hanging out, and her roommate kind of joined in by proxy. Finally, we all started hanging out together when I invited them all out to trivia night and it became a regular thing, introducing the latest member of our "crew" a couple weeks later.

I didn't meet any of them until after university. I am friends with nobody from my own high school.
posted by one of these days at 6:24 AM on June 18, 2015

I spend a lot of time thinking about this topic because making friends ranks extremely high on my priority list, regardless of what else is happening in my life, and I am often bummed that hardly anyone else seems to feel the same way. Or they do but not quite enough to put in the same level of effort. I know, life, job, kids, busy...but still, it gives me the sads. To that end, I read MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend a few years ago and found it super interesting and it had a ton of good advice gleaned from her experience. I actually took extensive notes, so, uh, here they are.

Background: The author grew up in and went to school in New York but moved to Chicago to be with her boyfriend (eventually turned husband). She had plenty of friends, but she left most of them back in NYC. She had great friends all over the US, actually, who she could call for long chats or who would be by her side in an emergency, but nobody local to call for lunch or go to the museum or get a pedicure with. The big dilemma in getting started making new friends was that she really didn’t know a soul in Chicago when she arrived—the way most people expand their networks is by making friends with their friends’ friends, but she didn’t even have that option. By the time she started her friend project, she’d been in Chicago two years already, so she HAD made some acquaintances, just no real friends. So here’s how she went about it:

- She started by making a list of all the people she’d encountered that she thought seemed cool—the girl who sold her her wedding dress, a young woman who worked at a nearby boutique that she frequented, a girl in her book club that she’d always admired, and so on, and started asking them out on "friend dates."
- Occasionally people would learn of her project and offer to set her up with a friend of theirs (she made 5 friends this way).
- She wrote a blog post about the struggle to make friends as an adult and received many emails and comments about it, and set up dates with almost every local woman who contacted her saying they were experiencing the same thing. She also looked for local blog writers and started leaving comments on their sites, and vice versa. I think she also made 5 friends this way.
- She contacted a few fellow freelance writers whose work she enjoyed, and emailed just to tell them so, which started a dialog, and she ended up meeting up with a couple of them.
- She joined a LOT of stuff. Book clubs, cooking classes, an improv troupe, exercise studios, a professional organization for young Jews, etc. The remaining friends she made were mostly made through these avenues.
- She paid for a couple services—one site called GirlFriendCircles.com and a guy who specializes as a professional connector, who set up a meeting with some potential friends for her. She had a couple dates from these services but nothing ever came of it.
- She asked a couple women out "in the wild" when she thought they seemed cool. One was a waitress who took care of her and her husband at dinner one night, one a girl she was sitting next to on an airplane, etc. She said these were the most awkward and difficult encounters, and often there was only time to give them her info and just hope they would follow up on it (and usually, they did not).

Over the course of one year, she went on 52 new friend dates with a total of 59 women (some dates included multiple women), and she made a total of 22 people she would call legitimate new friends. 24 of the women she never saw again after their first date, and 7 she never saw again after the second date.

The major things she learned:

1) When you do the initial information exchange, warn people that you WILL be following up with them to make plans. She said people are so incredibly used to just paying this lip service that they were shocked to hear from her.
2) In a similar vein, get ready to be the one doing ALL the follow-up. It took what seems like an absurdly high number of interactions, an average of 3-4 dates minimum per person, and about six months in total, before the tide started to turn and people started reciprocating her invitations more than she was extending them. To me, this is the hardest part to overcome because it's hard not to feel like a crazy or desperate stalker type when you are doing ALL THE INVITING, even if people seem receptive and happy to hear from you.
3) She was worried all the time that people would think she was a pathetic friendless loser for even asking if they wanted to hang out. But she quickly learned that people were more just surprised than anything else to receive her invitations, and that they are often really genuinely flattered to be asked out.
4) When she emailed to ask someone out at first, she felt overwhelmed with the need to explain herself and why she was asking them out, that she was new in town and blah blah blah. She later learned that she had a better success rate by not couching her emails in disclaimers and just saying, "Hi! Would you like to get together?" And resist the urge to be overly polite and asking to get together "sometime" or "soon" because those dates will NEVER HAPPEN. Whip out your metaphorical datebook (your phone or calendar) right then and there. Ask about a specific day, and a specific activity. If they can't do it that day but they're still interested, they'll counter with a new date or plan and so on.
5) She had the best luck at activities and meetings that were aimed at meeting new people and making new friends. Since people there were also looking for new friends, they were naturally more receptive to her overtures. She had a lot less luck trying to pick up friends at Starbucks or wherever, because they weren’t necessarily looking for friends at the time and she felt like she was kind of forcing herself on them.
6) A few months into her project, she noticed that suddenly people were talking to her in public a LOT more. She said that was a huge realization, that her outsides were starting to match her insides and she was somehow behaving differently, in a way that made her appear more receptive to conversation even when she was just doing stuff like at the gym or walking down the street or doing her grocery shopping.
7) Oh, and this last one is really important, I think. She said that people have a tendency to treat their friend dates like job interviews. Here’s what I do for work. Here’s where I went to college. Here’s where I grew up. Here’s how many kids I have. Here’s what my hobbies are. Etc. Factual, but not really all that interesting. The best dates were the ones where they laughed a lot and also where they traded more stories than just exchanging facts about their life. Exchanging stories helps foster intimacy, which is guaranteed and necessary to put your friendship on the fast(er) track.

And now, my own personal nearest and dearest:
1) husband - met online.
2) cousin - lives several hours away, I see her in person maybe 1-2x/year but email and chat all day, every day.
3) co-worker from previous job - local, see a couple times a month, email and chat all day, every day.
4) friend from HS - local, see once every couple of months, text a few times a month.
5) friend from college - local, see a couple times a month, text or chat 1-2x/week.

Other friendships who are not my closest but are slowly deepening with time are a few women I've met through message boards/Facebook groups who live in my city, grad school classmates, and a woman who was randomly assigned as my mentor through a professional organization but who I clicked with right from the start.
posted by anderjen at 12:55 PM on June 18, 2015 [18 favorites]

I have 5 - 10 friends I met through my husband (mostly couples) who I see anywhere from once a week - once a month. My husband met them through his Buddhist order, or through other friends.

These friends are part of a larger circle of 25 - 40.

I have 1 - 2 close friends that I met through a former job, who I see once a month.

I have 5 - 10 faraway friends from high school who I see 2 - 3 times a year, but we remain close by email. It's a big group, so we have a wedding or "reunion" once a year.

I'm developing a few close friendships with people at my new (~ 1 year) job, too.

Wow! It happens to be my birthday today and now I feel even luckier! Thanks! :)
posted by Isingthebodyelectric at 4:52 PM on June 18, 2015

Also, I found that one-on-one hangouts did not come for about 2 years after I moved to my husband's city (we met online). I met people through parties, dinners, group/couples hangouts, etc. Finally I became comfortable enough to ask a few other ladies to do different things together.

Things we have done together include exercising, walking dog(s), clothing swaps, and a short-lived dirty book club!
posted by Isingthebodyelectric at 4:56 PM on June 18, 2015

Response by poster: Thanks everyone! This has been really helpful!
posted by Penguin48 at 12:45 PM on June 20, 2015