Being a better man
January 21, 2015 9:09 PM
I would like to do some reading on a subject I am having trouble wording; the best I can come up with is "positive feminist masculinity."
I use the word feminist specifically because I really don't want to venture into the world of writings on masculinity that define it somehow against or contrary to feminism. I'm not looking for treatises on "equalism" or MRA or any sort of "what about white history month?" literature. My feelings are that masculinity, as a social concept, isn't going anywhere, and if I have been (and continue to be) socialized as a man, there must exist a way to mold my conception of it in a positive, pro-feminist way. The concepts of masculinity and feminism are not at war, in my mind; rather I believe that a less problematic concept of masculinity can help further feminism, and concepts within feminism can certainly help build a better masculinity.
I've done reading on feminism in general, on toxic masculinity, on the patriarchy's ill effects on men socialized into traditional concepts of masculinity, and many related matters. I can only assume someone, somewhere is writing on how to fix or redefine the concept of masculinity away from violence, emotional repression and gender essentialism.
Basically, what I want to read is on the potential for and expression of good in masculinity. "Good" as in ethical and responsible behavior from a positive of male privilege, healthy concepts of masculine self-image, positive homosocial relationships, fatherhood, respectful relationships with individual women (coworkers, strangers, friends, wives, children), with women as the "opposite sex," with feminism as a concept, and so on.
I know it sounds like I'm asking for mainly contemporary writings, but I'm definitely open to older writing on masculinity that isn't on board with (or, better yet, explicitly against) traditional/toxic masculinity.
Most importantly, it should be written for men (although not necessarily by men) and taking into account men's voices, opinions and experiences.
I use the word feminist specifically because I really don't want to venture into the world of writings on masculinity that define it somehow against or contrary to feminism. I'm not looking for treatises on "equalism" or MRA or any sort of "what about white history month?" literature. My feelings are that masculinity, as a social concept, isn't going anywhere, and if I have been (and continue to be) socialized as a man, there must exist a way to mold my conception of it in a positive, pro-feminist way. The concepts of masculinity and feminism are not at war, in my mind; rather I believe that a less problematic concept of masculinity can help further feminism, and concepts within feminism can certainly help build a better masculinity.
I've done reading on feminism in general, on toxic masculinity, on the patriarchy's ill effects on men socialized into traditional concepts of masculinity, and many related matters. I can only assume someone, somewhere is writing on how to fix or redefine the concept of masculinity away from violence, emotional repression and gender essentialism.
Basically, what I want to read is on the potential for and expression of good in masculinity. "Good" as in ethical and responsible behavior from a positive of male privilege, healthy concepts of masculine self-image, positive homosocial relationships, fatherhood, respectful relationships with individual women (coworkers, strangers, friends, wives, children), with women as the "opposite sex," with feminism as a concept, and so on.
I know it sounds like I'm asking for mainly contemporary writings, but I'm definitely open to older writing on masculinity that isn't on board with (or, better yet, explicitly against) traditional/toxic masculinity.
Most importantly, it should be written for men (although not necessarily by men) and taking into account men's voices, opinions and experiences.
Not at all contemporary, but (as a female feminist) I found Adaptation to Life really good at identifying issues affecting men and those coping skills that were helpful and those that were harmful.
Terrence Real is looking at men's psychopathology (mainly depression) but I think he's also very insightful about the pressures put on men and how to cope with those pressures, in relationships, in ways that are respectful of women and in ways that I would very much classify as feminist. It may be a narrower view than you're looking for, but I suspect it would be useful.
posted by jaguar at 9:51 PM on January 21, 2015
Terrence Real is looking at men's psychopathology (mainly depression) but I think he's also very insightful about the pressures put on men and how to cope with those pressures, in relationships, in ways that are respectful of women and in ways that I would very much classify as feminist. It may be a narrower view than you're looking for, but I suspect it would be useful.
posted by jaguar at 9:51 PM on January 21, 2015
From what little I've read of Art of Manliness, its articles seems to describe a performance of masculinity that both satisfies the traditional standards (shining boots, tying knots, standing by your friends) and also seems like it would be palatable to most feminists.
Well, at least most of the ones who aren't categorically opposed to gender norms and binary gender and so on. I suspect about half the people who self-identify as feminists disagree with the other half on any given issue, so asking for a "feminist" anything is a bit of trap.
posted by d. z. wang at 9:51 PM on January 21, 2015
Well, at least most of the ones who aren't categorically opposed to gender norms and binary gender and so on. I suspect about half the people who self-identify as feminists disagree with the other half on any given issue, so asking for a "feminist" anything is a bit of trap.
posted by d. z. wang at 9:51 PM on January 21, 2015
Seconding the Art of Manliness blog, if only as a jumping off point to further reading.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:58 PM on January 21, 2015
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:58 PM on January 21, 2015
Poking around on the internet a bit, I found Voice Male Magazine, which seems to be along these lines - "a pro-feminist, anti-violence magazine chronicling the social transformation of masculinities in the world today", with writing about and for men. They also published a book of essays from the magazine (I found a positive review of it.)
posted by dreamyshade at 11:15 PM on January 21, 2015
posted by dreamyshade at 11:15 PM on January 21, 2015
Have you heard of XY? Written by men, for men about how to be feminist.
Also, there is an old personal blog, Choptensils, that I used to love- the writer doesn't update it anymore, but he wrote a lot about what you term "positive feminist masculinity.
This might be a little off the mark, but Indian Male Feminist also writes about male feminism, but it might be less about how to express masculinity and more just critiques of phenomena he sees around him.
And I know you said you're looking for reading, but if you're up for watching videos, Jay Smooth, who typically talks about race, also tackles gender and does a wonderful job of expressing how to be a male feminist.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 2:52 AM on January 22, 2015
Also, there is an old personal blog, Choptensils, that I used to love- the writer doesn't update it anymore, but he wrote a lot about what you term "positive feminist masculinity.
This might be a little off the mark, but Indian Male Feminist also writes about male feminism, but it might be less about how to express masculinity and more just critiques of phenomena he sees around him.
And I know you said you're looking for reading, but if you're up for watching videos, Jay Smooth, who typically talks about race, also tackles gender and does a wonderful job of expressing how to be a male feminist.
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper at 2:52 AM on January 22, 2015
Any of Michael Kimmel's books, or there are several lectures of his on Youtube.
posted by almostmanda at 5:16 AM on January 22, 2015
posted by almostmanda at 5:16 AM on January 22, 2015
Warren Farrell's writing might be a good start. Dude was on the board of NOW. The Myth of Male Power and Why Men Are the Way They Are would probably be the most relevant to you. The latter book is directed at both men and women, though slightly more at women.
posted by culfinglin at 8:22 AM on January 22, 2015
posted by culfinglin at 8:22 AM on January 22, 2015
No disrespect, but Warren Farrell's writing is exactly the sort of thing I'm trying to avoid.
posted by A god with hooves, a god with horns at 8:34 AM on January 22, 2015
posted by A god with hooves, a god with horns at 8:34 AM on January 22, 2015
None taken; after looking through his later work, it looks like he's indeed fallen into a pit of MRA.
posted by culfinglin at 8:46 AM on January 22, 2015
posted by culfinglin at 8:46 AM on January 22, 2015
bell hooks's The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love is very good. I've read a lot about anti-patriarchy on a societal and interpersonal level, but hooks really digs into intrapersonal stuff here in ways that are quite insightful and positively challenging.
posted by xueexueg at 10:20 AM on January 22, 2015
posted by xueexueg at 10:20 AM on January 22, 2015
I have mixed feelings about The Good Men Project in general, but this article (full disclosure, by a friend and colleague of mine) is great, and provides a useful bibliography for thinking about masculinity in ways that aren't limited to thinking about men.
posted by dizziest at 6:36 PM on January 22, 2015
posted by dizziest at 6:36 PM on January 22, 2015
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by bunderful at 9:17 PM on January 21, 2015