Could you give me tips on navigating hostilities at work?
November 11, 2014 6:20 AM   Subscribe

My supervisor has TERRIBLE, life-endangering, totally illogical judgement. After serious consideration I have decided to go to her supervisor and though she has been welcoming and has taken things seriously, I feel horribly sneaky and I am having trouble being at work. Could you help me cope?

I work for a non profit and I my supervisor has terrible lack of judgement. At work, she has made things worse for

-abused spouses (one case ended in the murder of said spouse, for which I am not blaming my supervisor, but I still think she could have handled things WAY better-everyone in the office agrees with me)

- abused children (she thinks she can handle these situations even when she has no training whatsoever)

-suicidal people (Even though I told her 10 times that I have some training in dealing with suicidal clients, she still chose to have a totally unqualified person shame the client into admitting they should not commit suicide)

-people with mental illness (she willfully made a client miss his doctor's appointment, and he ran out of his meds, making his schizophrenia worse than ever)

This is just the tip of the iceberg. So I have started reporting everything to my supervisor's supervisor, and she is very grateful that I am telling her and she tackles every issue as it happens. The weird part is that for some reason my supervisor still has her job (the separation procedure can take a long time so I am banking on that), and at the same time it's 100% obvious it's me who is telling on her. Everyone in the office has told on the supervisor, but it is definitely me who is telling the most.

So I need tips on how to cope with this very awkward situation. My sup. has become very passive aggressive and I can tell she HATES me. At the same time I feel guilty for telling on her, but I also feel that we are ruining lives and I must tell on her.
posted by Tarumba to Human Relations (23 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Document these things for when you need it, because you will need it.
posted by devnull at 6:31 AM on November 11, 2014 [32 favorites]


Best answer: Accept that she hates you and is acting out. She hates you because she feels exposed, attacked, unjustly judged. She hates you because of her own bad feelings. Stay strong in your own point of view and don't let her emotional manipulation attempts take hold. All you are doing is factually holding a mirror up to her and her supervisor. You've done nothing wrong, and you did it for the sake of other people, not because of a personal vendetta against her. Just remember that you have honorable intentions for your actions. Your intention was not to make her feel bad, and of course you don't want her to feel bad, but the safety of others is more important than her temporary feelings here. Just keep that at the forefront like a shield and that might lessen the guilt.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:38 AM on November 11, 2014 [11 favorites]


Response by poster: Thank you. I think I should add that my coworkers and I have tried to solve these issues directly with her many times (like, for years), but whenever someone disagrees with her she thinks it's because we don't want to work, when in reality we just think her ideas are insane and potentially very harmful.
posted by Tarumba at 6:52 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


If the tension is also affecting everyone's ability to serve clients, can you let your supervisor's supervisor know? Perhaps you'll get a glimpse into how long this will continue, or she can do something to relieve some of the pressure?

As for guilt: If your supervisor can't look past herself to say "How can I change what I do to improve the service our clients receive?" she's in the wrong job anyway. Perhaps whatever she finds next will be a far better match, and she'll eventually be happier for it.
posted by gnomeloaf at 6:55 AM on November 11, 2014


Best answer: Well, for a start you could stop framing this in a juvenile "telling on her" way that coincidentally positions you as the party breaking faith here. You are not 8 and you are not selling out your classmate to a teacher here.

You need to look at this in terms of professional ethics and responsibility rather than in terms of inter-personal relationships.

Document everything. In writing.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:56 AM on November 11, 2014 [34 favorites]


Response by poster: Thank you, English is not my first language and I had no idea "telling on" has that connotation.

As for documenting in writing, do you mean keeping a record of the conversations I have had with the supervisor? Like, a summary and the date?
posted by Tarumba at 7:00 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


You are not sneaky for trying to protect the lives of vulnerable people, and the continued existence of your organization.

Yes, document in writing; use your non-work email to write up relevant exchanges and send them to yourself, so you have a built-in time stamp of when they take place.
posted by rtha at 7:18 AM on November 11, 2014 [10 favorites]


Best answer: St. Peepsburg said it best. You are not out to get your supervisor as a person. You are drawing attention to the fact that she is incompetent and threatening the lives of others - though not knowingly.

Document everything you can. Your supervisor's supervisor should be understanding when you send an email to the effect of, "This is to confirm that in our conversation on 11/10 we discussed [thing 1] and [thing 2] as regards the incident [brief description, such as referencing an incident report or similar] involving [supervisor] on [date]." Make sure you get confirmation for each one. If you can get your coworkers and maybe even your direct supervisor to get in on this documentation too, that would be ideal.

I did this when I had a job at a psychiatric center, and I and a couple others were reporting a direct care aide who was treating clients roughly. The person in question was re-trained and their behavior improved, but in the interim the aide filed a complaint against the people reporting them, and we were very glad we had documentation that this was not a personal vendetta, but rather a recording of multiple incidents of unacceptable behavior.
posted by Urban Winter at 7:18 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Absolutely, every single interaction, for two reasons:

1. Proof of Retribution. If she tries to take action against you for reporting her behavior you and your coworkers have a paper trail to back up your claims.

2. Legal reasons. If her actions are as negligent and harmful as you say and, god forbid, someone dies in a way that can be traced back to her, the organization could be exposed to serious legal problems.
posted by Ndwright at 7:19 AM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


Best answer: Yes, keep records of all conversations, and all incidents.

So your boss is passive aggressive, and she hates you. It doesn't matter. You are looking beyond personalities and helping your clients. You have a moral and legal responsibility to report unprofessional, unethical and plain dumb behavior to a superior who can take action. You are 100% in the right here.

Don't engage with your supervisor any more than you have to. If she says anything, you can reply, "I'm sorry that we disagree with how things should be handled. I'm following the dictates of our profession and I'm reporting incidents that should be investigated as proscribed by law."

Personally, I'd be proud that an incompetent person hated me. It means I'm doing something right.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 7:19 AM on November 11, 2014 [5 favorites]


I don't know where you are located, but if you are in the US, there are Child Protective Services and Adult Protective Services government agencies that look into issues like inappropriate counseling, denying clients medication, etc... [I am guessing there are other similar agencies in other countries, but I don't know for sure.] Some of this sounds like office political BS, but some of it sounds like she is putting your clients in danger and that should be stopped ASAP.
posted by elmay at 8:38 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


she still chose to have a totally unqualified person shame the client into admitting they should not commit suicide

she willfully made a client miss his doctor's appointment, and he ran out of his meds, making his schizophrenia worse than ever

Whoa. The fact that she is still employed tells me that it's not being taken that seriously. She is actively endangering lives here--and not just the lives of the specific clients. I think you need to go up the ladder to your supervisor's supervisor.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:00 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Best answer: Those patients probably did not have the power to protect themselves against this woman; they aren't powerless, of course, but they do not have the same level of expertise, inside knowledge, and credibility. Acting to help clients seems to be part of your job. By reporting dangerous behavior, you are just doing your job.

How she responds is up to her. She could learn better practices for doing her job. That may be what is taking time -- she may well be being offered a chance to improve her skills.

It is unfortunate if she doesn't accept the opportunity, but if she decides not to, that decision will have consequences. But these consequences will be the result of her decisions, and the dictates of your profession, not your actions.

Tl;Dr - By reporting her, you are carrying out your professional responsibilities to protect clients. She could still step up and do the same.
posted by salvia at 9:32 AM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Best answer: If you're not already doing so and you are in a position to do so, I wonder if it would be helpful to call in the appropriate agencies for your clients, both to help your clients and to get additional documentation of the problems in the agency.

I'm assuming you all are probably mandated reporters; are you filing suspected child abuse reports when you hear of child abuse? Don't leave that up to your supervisor (legally, you shouldn't anyway). I highly doubt CPS will investigate your supervisor, but making sure they're in the loop can be helpful in documenting what your supervisor is or is not doing appropriately.

For suicidal clients, does your county or city or state have a crisis response team through the mental/behavioral health department? Most places (though not all) have specialty trained mental-health experts who can come in and help assess suicidal clients and hook them up with resources. I think dealing with the client without calling in outsiders is usually the best solution, but your supervisor has shown that she's a danger to these clients and so maybe the protocol needs to be immediately calling the crisis unit.

For mentally ill clients, do any of them have case managers though the behavioral/mental health systems? It may be helpful to alert the case managers (if you have a release) so that the case managers can help clients advocate for themselves, reschedule appointments, etc.

I realize you may not have the power to do all these things. That may be something to talk to your supervisor's supervisor about, too: How do we protect our clients from my supervisor? I suspect if you start talking about how to get outside agencies involved, things may change a bit more quickly.

It also just sounds like in general, your supervisor is in over her head in terms of her abilities/training/experience versus the actual needs of your clients. Bringing in actual experts for support and more specialized services would be completely appropriate.

For your own part of it, I absolutely agree with others that you are acting ethically and in the best interests of your clients, and I hope you can keep that in mind when your supervisor is being horrible to you.
posted by jaguar at 9:45 AM on November 11, 2014 [3 favorites]


Best answer: Since you say co-workers have also reported her ongoing behavior, is there any way you can band together as a group and go to your supervisor with a request to know exactly what is being done by the organization to address this problem? Put this request into writing. You might stress what has been pointed out above, that the organization is putting itself in an untenable position by ignoring this.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:52 PM on November 11, 2014 [2 favorites]


The official term for what you've done is 'whistle-blowing' and in the UK, whistleblowers are protected by law. That might help you search for resources on it. If your superviser stays in their job and keeps putting vulnerable adults and children at risk, you may have to report it to someone higher up, or even external. People's lives are at risk. Well done for speaking up.
posted by Dorothea_in_Rome at 1:41 PM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Is there a licensing bureau for people with your supervisor's job title in your jurisdiction? For example, in most countries, a doctor needs a license to practice medicine. If your supervisor has a professional license, you should report her to the agency that gave her her license. They can make your organization either fire her immediately or keep her away from clients.

Your boss should not have any client contact while in the process of being terminated, and it might be time to bring that up in your emails after each incident. This is what administrative leave is for.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 3:53 PM on November 11, 2014


If your supervisor has a professional license, you should report her to the agency that gave her her license. They can make your organization either fire her immediately or keep her away from clients.

That's really really really unlikely. There is usually an extensive hearing process, and licenses are most often suspended, not revoked, and a licensing board is very unlikely to have any ability to make any organization do anything in particular about a licensee. If the position requires a professional license, then losing that license might cause her to be fired, but it's certainly not automatic.

Reporting her may still be an option, but it's certainly not going to be a quick way of solving the problem.
posted by jaguar at 6:52 PM on November 11, 2014


If the situation is as dire as you state, it seems your supervisor's supervisor may not be taking appropriate action. Ask your boss' boss about how and when change will occur. If the answer seems unsatisfactory, then your boss' boss may not be doing his/her job.

In that case, maybe you could get a few coworkers together and talk to a supervisor yet one level higher up the management chain?
posted by sarah_pdx at 8:18 PM on November 11, 2014


"The weird part is that for some reason my supervisor still has her job"

Maybe you need to "tell on" your supervisor's supervisor.

Maybe take a step back and ask yourself if you can believe your own judgments.
posted by macinchik at 10:21 PM on November 11, 2014 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: I don't know where you are located, but if you are in the US, there are Child Protective Services and Adult Protective Services government agencies

Ask most social workers and you will find out that sadly CPS is not very effective. I had written a rant about how horrible they can be but let me just say I have called them many times (I am a mandated reporter) and at best they have done nothing, at worst they have seriously mishandled things. In 4 years of work I remember 1 time when they actually did a good job. My clients are all immigrants so agencies tend to avoid/ignore them because they have no money for interpreters and there are huge cultural differences. I can't deny they are a snowflake population, and most agencies do not have resources for that.

"Maybe you need to "tell on" your supervisor's supervisor. Maybe take a step back and ask yourself if you can believe your own judgments."

Like I said, it is not just me. 100% of the staff here have signed letters and met with the director to report these things. Normally I would second guess myself, but in this instance it is obvious and not just seen by me. I am the leader on this because there is an inertia that makes people be outraged one day and go back to their normal lives the next because this is a non-profit and we are overworked and underpaid. I am motivating people to not forget their outrage and to stand up for what they think is right.

I also wish you didn't mock me for using the expression "tell on". As I said up-thread, English is not my first language, and I am actually quite proud of how fluent I am. Darlingbri was kind enough to point out that I was misusing the expression, so there is no need for you to mock it a day after the fact. I understand and I stand corrected.

I have started documenting everything and I met with the director to find out what is going on. My supervisor has been put on probation and has been given a list of training sessions she must complete and areas she needs to improve on. The director also told me to ignore any passive aggression but let her know if there are any serious issues.

Thanks to your comments I feel no embarrassment anymore, and after talking to my coworkers it is clear we are all on the same side and I feel they will protect me if my sup. treats me badly.

Thank you!
posted by Tarumba at 6:45 AM on November 12, 2014 [6 favorites]


I'm glad this AskMe helped!

Good on you for being willing to go to bat for those who need it.

Hopefully, this will improve your workplace one way or another.

Also, document any continuing passive-aggressive behavior from your supervisor in writing, and take that into your director. Ask your coworkers to do the same.
posted by BlueHorse at 2:23 PM on November 12, 2014 [1 favorite]


You've 'stepped up' and dealt with a dangerous situation. Step up some more. Try to look at your supervisor as if you were their supervisor. What training or management would help them do a better job? Try to make information available. Your local family violence shelter could come do a workshop, a child advocacy group, legal services, suicide or mental health hotline, etc. could do the same. You, your supervisor and your co-workers would all benefit from training.

Your supervisor is angry and resentful, but is also in danger of losing their job. Be professional and compassionate. It's kind of your only option that doesn't make you look or feel like a jerk. You're doing the right thing, but doing the right thing doesn't always make people appreciate you.
posted by theora55 at 1:30 PM on November 13, 2014


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