A Simple Grave for Old Men
October 9, 2014 11:27 AM Subscribe
There's a number of films and books in which an average person finds (i.e., steals) a lot of money, generally in cash, and often next to a dead bad guy. It never goes well for our hero. Two questions: 1) can you think of any additional examples beyond the titles listed inside, and 2) what can we learn from those stories to best ensure we can keep our ill-gotten gains if we find a suitcase full of cash?
I've always enjoyed the good guy done wrong films and books like A Simple Plan (brothers find cash in downed plane), Shallow Grave (flatmates discover dead roommate has pile of cash), and No Country For Old Men (guy finds millions following a drug deal gone awry). None of the protagonists fares well--either the cash is marked, or the guy is himself marked... for death!
Can you think of any other films or books with this general plot--particularly where the protagonist does a better job keeping the money (and their life)?
And, to channel your inner Scarabic, how would someone with above-average cleverness and below-average scruples that stumbles on some mobster's millions live to tell the tale? First, be smart from the very beginning, of course--but what would that mean? Are the bills marked? Is there a radio transmitter hidden in the package with a villain tracking you? And how are you going to pay your mortgage with somewhat bloody non-sequential $100s anyway?
Full disclosure: I have not stumbled on any missing millions, and if I did, I'd hand it in to the police (and you should, too). But I've pondered this scenario for years to help me fall off to sleep, and if there were a better solution than what I come back to (involving multiple taxi rides and parking garages to lose the mob tailing me), I'd be curious to hear it.
I've always enjoyed the good guy done wrong films and books like A Simple Plan (brothers find cash in downed plane), Shallow Grave (flatmates discover dead roommate has pile of cash), and No Country For Old Men (guy finds millions following a drug deal gone awry). None of the protagonists fares well--either the cash is marked, or the guy is himself marked... for death!
Can you think of any other films or books with this general plot--particularly where the protagonist does a better job keeping the money (and their life)?
And, to channel your inner Scarabic, how would someone with above-average cleverness and below-average scruples that stumbles on some mobster's millions live to tell the tale? First, be smart from the very beginning, of course--but what would that mean? Are the bills marked? Is there a radio transmitter hidden in the package with a villain tracking you? And how are you going to pay your mortgage with somewhat bloody non-sequential $100s anyway?
Full disclosure: I have not stumbled on any missing millions, and if I did, I'd hand it in to the police (and you should, too). But I've pondered this scenario for years to help me fall off to sleep, and if there were a better solution than what I come back to (involving multiple taxi rides and parking garages to lose the mob tailing me), I'd be curious to hear it.
True Romance, only with coke instead of money. I think his mistake is he doesn't cover his tracks well enough and stops by to see his dad, instead of vanishing and never being seen again.
posted by johngoren at 11:38 AM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by johngoren at 11:38 AM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
The Summons, by John Grisham - although I would NOT recommend anyone read this. And I like John Grisham!
posted by lyssabee at 11:40 AM on October 9, 2014
posted by lyssabee at 11:40 AM on October 9, 2014
Does Boogie Nights count? It takes place in a set piece, not the plot of the film as a whole.
posted by alms at 11:41 AM on October 9, 2014
posted by alms at 11:41 AM on October 9, 2014
Millions. Two kids find stolen British pounds. They keep their lives, and even improve the lives of others (though the end sequence is a little dream-like, to me...). Lesson learned: don't keep the money.
posted by methroach at 11:45 AM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by methroach at 11:45 AM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
I wonder if Drowned Hopes might qualify. And the old Disney movie, Candleshoe.
posted by Buttons Bellbottom at 11:55 AM on October 9, 2014
posted by Buttons Bellbottom at 11:55 AM on October 9, 2014
Dumb and Dumber!
posted by everythings_interrelated at 11:57 AM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by everythings_interrelated at 11:57 AM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Oddly, there's not specific TV Trope entry for this, but Briefcase full of money includes some of these stories, as does A MacGuffin full of money.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:01 PM on October 9, 2014
posted by filthy light thief at 12:01 PM on October 9, 2014
Money for Nothing.
The film is not very good but it is based on the true story of a man who discovered a million dollars which had fallen out of an armored truck. It didn't end well for him.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
The film is not very good but it is based on the true story of a man who discovered a million dollars which had fallen out of an armored truck. It didn't end well for him.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
It's not the primary plot, but this occurs in "Angela's Ashes", a true story. Frank has had enough of poverty in Ireland and is diligently saving money to go to America. He finally gets enough when his moneylending employer dies, and he takes some of her money and departs. He feels little remorse, goes to America, and becomes a famous author.
posted by Melismata at 12:21 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Melismata at 12:21 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
One of the side-plots in the recent Fargo TV series is how [SPOILER ALERT] Oliver Platt's character discovers the money that Steve Buscemi's character buried in the snow in the Fargo movie before getting wood-chippered. The show doesn't show what, if anything, Oliver Platt does to hide his tracks but he goes on to parlay that initial bit of cash into becoming a supermarket mogul. He eventually gives up a chunk of his fortune due to a complicated blackmail/gaslight scheme that's sort-of-but-really-only-tangentially-related to the origins of that money and too Byzantine to go into here.
Meanwhile, I've always thought that the "turn it over to the police" plan might actually be the one that gives you the best chance of getting away with the money hassle-free. The way I figure it, if you find a bunch of cash just lying around on the ground, it's either: a) the life savings of an elderly widow who doesn't trust the banks ever since the Knickerbocker Panic of ought-seven, or b) the proceeds of criminal enterprise. In the first case, how could you live with yourself if you kept it? In the second, the criminals wouldn't claim the money from the cops and then after a suitable waiting period (e.g.: 90 days in California) it becomes yours under the landmark Finders v. Keepers decision (check your local laws for details). If you want to be extra-safe, you would get a lawyer to hand the money over to the police for you just in case the criminals have moles inside the police department.
posted by mhum at 12:22 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Meanwhile, I've always thought that the "turn it over to the police" plan might actually be the one that gives you the best chance of getting away with the money hassle-free. The way I figure it, if you find a bunch of cash just lying around on the ground, it's either: a) the life savings of an elderly widow who doesn't trust the banks ever since the Knickerbocker Panic of ought-seven, or b) the proceeds of criminal enterprise. In the first case, how could you live with yourself if you kept it? In the second, the criminals wouldn't claim the money from the cops and then after a suitable waiting period (e.g.: 90 days in California) it becomes yours under the landmark Finders v. Keepers decision (check your local laws for details). If you want to be extra-safe, you would get a lawyer to hand the money over to the police for you just in case the criminals have moles inside the police department.
posted by mhum at 12:22 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Oh, and the lesson from the true case I mentioned above: don't go around telling others. The man who found the money told about a dozen people making them promise not to tell anyone else. He doesn't come across as very bright (and he was a drug addict).
As to how to actually get away with it, that would require a lot of patience, not depositing the money very quickly. I suppose if you had a business, add several thousand each week to your revenue. And though the payout is about 50%, I would buy lottery tickets. I've heard laser tag is a good business with a lot of cash flow.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:30 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
As to how to actually get away with it, that would require a lot of patience, not depositing the money very quickly. I suppose if you had a business, add several thousand each week to your revenue. And though the payout is about 50%, I would buy lottery tickets. I've heard laser tag is a good business with a lot of cash flow.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 12:30 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
I just watched the very bad movie Ca$h, starring Ned Stark and Thor, of all people. This film went straight to video, because despite the eye candy, it did not work at all so YMMV - however, it is supposed to be an allegory about the '08 financial crash. Basically, Thor randomly finds the money that Ned Stark's twin stole, and Thor and Mrs. Thor decide to keep it because they're about to lose their home to foreclosure, plus their inevitable greed (because: money = bad or something?).
The morals of the story: if you find ill-gotten cash, understand that the bad guys will come looking for it and will eventually find you, possibly posing as someone from a car manufacturer. In preparation for that, you want to make sure you appear broke at all times. Do not run out and buy a new car. Do not buy a bunch of new furniture. Act like you have no money at all. You have to really wait the bad guys out before you can spend any of it.
posted by hush at 12:40 PM on October 9, 2014
The morals of the story: if you find ill-gotten cash, understand that the bad guys will come looking for it and will eventually find you, possibly posing as someone from a car manufacturer. In preparation for that, you want to make sure you appear broke at all times. Do not run out and buy a new car. Do not buy a bunch of new furniture. Act like you have no money at all. You have to really wait the bad guys out before you can spend any of it.
posted by hush at 12:40 PM on October 9, 2014
In 1999, a Vancouver off-duty police officer found $1 million Canadian in a park and got to keep the money after reporting it to police. Being a police officer probably helped (especially as protection from the "Mr X" who tried to claim the money without offering a legitimate reason he left a briefcase full of cash in a park).
I also found a followup article that says he was told not to spend the money for six years and wasn't even sure if he could spend the interest during that time, so you could be waiting a long time to cash in your windfall.
posted by Gortuk at 1:12 PM on October 9, 2014
I also found a followup article that says he was told not to spend the money for six years and wasn't even sure if he could spend the interest during that time, so you could be waiting a long time to cash in your windfall.
posted by Gortuk at 1:12 PM on October 9, 2014
Whoops, didn't read the lede. You already had A Simple Plan.
The Cold Kiss by John Rector.
Good People by Marcus Sakey.
posted by caryatid at 1:38 PM on October 9, 2014
The Cold Kiss by John Rector.
Good People by Marcus Sakey.
posted by caryatid at 1:38 PM on October 9, 2014
This is actually a super minor sub-plot of "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead." The elderly babysitter dies and the kids take her body and her trunk to a morgue to ditch it all. The trunk is full of money. Had they only checked, they could have avoided...basically the entire movie. Instead, two losers at the morgue end up with it.
Based on some true life crime things:
One bank robber was able to convince authorities that the red ink on the money he had was from carrying it in a red leather book in his back pocket, not from the ink-exploding device that actually went off. He hid some of the money in like underwear on the floor or something. They came to his trashy trailer looking for him and the money, talked to him, checked out the trailer, and left. I think he was eventually caught, which is how it ended up on some crime show, but he got away with it for a time.
Also, I can't recall the name, but some historical famous bank robber (who robbed banks I think during The Great Depression) was able to evade capture for so long in part because he was a generous big-spender who gave a lot of the money away. So while everyone in town knew who he was and where the money came from, they all kept their mouth's shut. He also was robbing banks in other places, not locally, and then coming home to spend the money.
Plus: Pay cash for everything, use small bills as much as possible, hit the road so you are spreading it around in a way that won't be noticed, maybe donate some of it every week at church to the donation plate they pass around, exercise a lot of self-discipline and do not start blowing wads of cash. Just, like, keep your day job, modestly increase the amount you are putting into savings/retirement, and make up the difference to your personal budget by pulling a small amount of cash out of the pile of cash you found.
posted by Michele in California at 2:32 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Based on some true life crime things:
One bank robber was able to convince authorities that the red ink on the money he had was from carrying it in a red leather book in his back pocket, not from the ink-exploding device that actually went off. He hid some of the money in like underwear on the floor or something. They came to his trashy trailer looking for him and the money, talked to him, checked out the trailer, and left. I think he was eventually caught, which is how it ended up on some crime show, but he got away with it for a time.
Also, I can't recall the name, but some historical famous bank robber (who robbed banks I think during The Great Depression) was able to evade capture for so long in part because he was a generous big-spender who gave a lot of the money away. So while everyone in town knew who he was and where the money came from, they all kept their mouth's shut. He also was robbing banks in other places, not locally, and then coming home to spend the money.
Plus: Pay cash for everything, use small bills as much as possible, hit the road so you are spreading it around in a way that won't be noticed, maybe donate some of it every week at church to the donation plate they pass around, exercise a lot of self-discipline and do not start blowing wads of cash. Just, like, keep your day job, modestly increase the amount you are putting into savings/retirement, and make up the difference to your personal budget by pulling a small amount of cash out of the pile of cash you found.
posted by Michele in California at 2:32 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Well, first thing I would do is remove the cash to a different location. Use a couple of the fifties to buy a nice sports bag or something to transfer it to (assuming it's already in a container of some sort). I wouldn't take it home, I'd probably take it to a public toilet. Then I would spend some time going through the whole stack doing a spot check on each individual note (it's super easy to detect a forged Australian note) and also to make sure there was nothing untoward in there.
Once the money is checked and transferred, I'd set fire to the old container (again, somewhere appropriate) and I'd right away make a $500-$1000 deposit with my bank. Then, hmm, probably put say half (depending on the amount) of it in a safety deposit box (if we even have those, I guess I'd go and find out).
Then sit still for a couple of weeks and keep an eye on the newspapers and info-sources. If a story pops up about a little old lady or a storeowner or something, I'd find a way to get the money back to them anonymously. If not, well...
The remaining half of the moolah I would stash somewhere at home and just plow through in the usual manner, paying cash for groceries etc., using half cash and half my previous deposit to get myself a new computer or something, and then depositing another chunk of $500-$1000 a week after.
You know how you fritter money away on small purchases? Well, so long as you load up with a couple of criminal notes every morning, you'll get through a reasonable amount of it on coffees and shit. I wouldn't buy a house or a car or anything, but I'd make larger-than-usual payments on debts and credit cards and bills etc. Gradually put slightly more into savings and super. Get better health cover. Pop a fifty into every animal welfare collection box I see. Maybe buy a few nice pieces of clothing on sale (those sorts of pieces of clothing that I usually can't afford even when they are on sale).
Key things are not to go flashy or splashy or showy. Just gradually improve your lot and the lot of others where possible. An extra hundred a week can be the difference between a bill being paid and not being paid, and that's a luxury in itself.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:12 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
Once the money is checked and transferred, I'd set fire to the old container (again, somewhere appropriate) and I'd right away make a $500-$1000 deposit with my bank. Then, hmm, probably put say half (depending on the amount) of it in a safety deposit box (if we even have those, I guess I'd go and find out).
Then sit still for a couple of weeks and keep an eye on the newspapers and info-sources. If a story pops up about a little old lady or a storeowner or something, I'd find a way to get the money back to them anonymously. If not, well...
The remaining half of the moolah I would stash somewhere at home and just plow through in the usual manner, paying cash for groceries etc., using half cash and half my previous deposit to get myself a new computer or something, and then depositing another chunk of $500-$1000 a week after.
You know how you fritter money away on small purchases? Well, so long as you load up with a couple of criminal notes every morning, you'll get through a reasonable amount of it on coffees and shit. I wouldn't buy a house or a car or anything, but I'd make larger-than-usual payments on debts and credit cards and bills etc. Gradually put slightly more into savings and super. Get better health cover. Pop a fifty into every animal welfare collection box I see. Maybe buy a few nice pieces of clothing on sale (those sorts of pieces of clothing that I usually can't afford even when they are on sale).
Key things are not to go flashy or splashy or showy. Just gradually improve your lot and the lot of others where possible. An extra hundred a week can be the difference between a bill being paid and not being paid, and that's a luxury in itself.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:12 PM on October 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
So having had some friends who are cops and some who are criminals, 99% of the time, they crack a case because somebody talks or they change their lifestyle too abruptly. Maybe the wife starts talking to her friends. Maybe the neighbor sees them doing something different and funny, like skulking around the yard at night while they were in bed by 8. Maybe the poor guy suddenly starts driving a bright red sports car instead of his beater Honda and somebody notices.
Rule one of doing something and getting away with it is don't tell anybody. Rule two is keep acting the way you've always acted. Like when you were a kid and you did something and you suddenly started, I dunno, being super quiet, your parents always knew something was up, right? (Or if you have kids, you know the horror of The Ominous Silence in lieu of their usual racket).
As for spending it, banks and other businesses have IRS reporting requirements if you put in more than $10,000 cash. So what you want to do is burn it up slowly and launder it when you can. Buy a used car in cash from Craigslist, fix it up, and then re-sell it a few weeks later for cash. Drop a twenty at 7/11 to buy a Coke or something and get clean cash back. Use it to pay bills at the grocery store for those bills where you can pay at the desk (power, phone, etc.) rather than suddenly paying off your mortgage. If you want to convert a bunch, buy a bunch of stuff in cash from Craigslist and sell it at the flea market. Nobody's looking for the guy who found a hundred grand selling used washers and dryers at the flea market.
If it's plausible, you want to be in or switch to a job that'll let you work in cash so you have a reason why you're dropping wads of bills places. Obviously you're not going to get away with saying you're a stripper if you're a paunchy middle aged dude that worked in accounting, but maybe you buy a small business that's mostly cash and seems plausible for your expertise and launder your newfound wealth through that. If you open a bar, people are going to get suspicious and probably look into your lifestyle. If you open a dry cleaner, pfft, who gives a damn?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 3:29 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
Rule one of doing something and getting away with it is don't tell anybody. Rule two is keep acting the way you've always acted. Like when you were a kid and you did something and you suddenly started, I dunno, being super quiet, your parents always knew something was up, right? (Or if you have kids, you know the horror of The Ominous Silence in lieu of their usual racket).
As for spending it, banks and other businesses have IRS reporting requirements if you put in more than $10,000 cash. So what you want to do is burn it up slowly and launder it when you can. Buy a used car in cash from Craigslist, fix it up, and then re-sell it a few weeks later for cash. Drop a twenty at 7/11 to buy a Coke or something and get clean cash back. Use it to pay bills at the grocery store for those bills where you can pay at the desk (power, phone, etc.) rather than suddenly paying off your mortgage. If you want to convert a bunch, buy a bunch of stuff in cash from Craigslist and sell it at the flea market. Nobody's looking for the guy who found a hundred grand selling used washers and dryers at the flea market.
If it's plausible, you want to be in or switch to a job that'll let you work in cash so you have a reason why you're dropping wads of bills places. Obviously you're not going to get away with saying you're a stripper if you're a paunchy middle aged dude that worked in accounting, but maybe you buy a small business that's mostly cash and seems plausible for your expertise and launder your newfound wealth through that. If you open a bar, people are going to get suspicious and probably look into your lifestyle. If you open a dry cleaner, pfft, who gives a damn?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 3:29 PM on October 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
The comedy It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World sort-of follows this premise. A crook dies, but not before he tells a group of regular people about his stash of loot hidden under "A big W." The rest of the film details the antics of the group to find the loot. Money corrupts.
posted by Thorzdad at 3:52 PM on October 9, 2014
posted by Thorzdad at 3:52 PM on October 9, 2014
Not exactly the same thing, since they steal it rather than finding it, but How to Beat the High Cost of Living. One of the three women launders the money by making her antiques business look profitable on the books when it never has been before.
In the movie Desperado, Salma Hayek's character says the $50,000 was "in the books" (after her book store burns down, I think). I am not clear if she meant hidden in cash between the pages or spent on purchasing them as inventory. She is someone who is laundering money for a local drug lord, against her will basically.
Re someone talking: When I worked at an insurance company, I was told that a great deal of internal bad behavior got reported by ticked off former spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends. So, again, don't go around pissing people off. (This is sort of thematic with or a corollary to what I said above about the bank robber who was generous to everyone, thus no one would talk and no one turned him in even though lots of people knew.)
posted by Michele in California at 3:55 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
In the movie Desperado, Salma Hayek's character says the $50,000 was "in the books" (after her book store burns down, I think). I am not clear if she meant hidden in cash between the pages or spent on purchasing them as inventory. She is someone who is laundering money for a local drug lord, against her will basically.
Re someone talking: When I worked at an insurance company, I was told that a great deal of internal bad behavior got reported by ticked off former spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends. So, again, don't go around pissing people off. (This is sort of thematic with or a corollary to what I said above about the bank robber who was generous to everyone, thus no one would talk and no one turned him in even though lots of people knew.)
posted by Michele in California at 3:55 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Waking Ned Devine is a similar kind of plot but with a lottery ticket and a dead friend, and the bad guys are the lottery board who want to pay the original purchaser. Turns out the trick to keeping the money is to get your whole village in on it.
posted by shelleycat at 4:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by shelleycat at 4:04 PM on October 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Diane Court's father in Say Anything skims money from the estates of his nursing home clients, apparently for decades. He maintains his lifestyle by keeping everything in pools of cash and small purchases that fall beneath reporting thresholds. It's never explained exactly how the IRS catches up to him, but it seems likely that someone could keep up this kind of spending discipline and stay hidden indefinitely.
"Well, take a look around the house. Is everything nice, but not
too nice? Are there lots of, uh, rugs, pieces of art, stereo
equipment, uh, furniture, a lot of things bought with cash? Does
he give a lot of gifts? Do the major items in your house hover
around the nine thousand-dollar range?"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:24 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
"Well, take a look around the house. Is everything nice, but not
too nice? Are there lots of, uh, rugs, pieces of art, stereo
equipment, uh, furniture, a lot of things bought with cash? Does
he give a lot of gifts? Do the major items in your house hover
around the nine thousand-dollar range?"
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:24 PM on October 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Episode of "The Honeymooners" where Ralph finds a suitcase full of money left on his bus.
posted by PaulBGoode at 6:44 PM on October 9, 2014
posted by PaulBGoode at 6:44 PM on October 9, 2014
The Millionaires by Brad Meltzer
posted by SisterHavana at 11:34 PM on October 9, 2014
posted by SisterHavana at 11:34 PM on October 9, 2014
There's always the counterintuitive turn in the money gambit, which has -- probably wildly inconsistently -- sometimes worked out quite well. Last year a homeless man turned in some $42,000 in cash and traveler's checks he found in a backpack; within weeks he received gifts worth over $95,000 (via a GoFundMe page). Other times people get at least a finder's fee of sorts from the party who lost the money, and of course that's money you're free to use going forward, and it becomes less a matter of logistics of how you avoid detection and instead how you can maximize your windfall's benefits to you.
There's also the cautionary tale of the Powerball winner who regrets his winnings. His daughter became a drug addict and died, and he found himself so besieged by charity requests that he no longer trusts anyone. I think there's a solid case to be made, along with the actual studies of lottery winners, that the money itself can be a detrimental feature to the rest of your life, even aside from any concerns about being pursued by the law or the rightful owner or even your own conscience.
posted by dhartung at 2:00 AM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
There's also the cautionary tale of the Powerball winner who regrets his winnings. His daughter became a drug addict and died, and he found himself so besieged by charity requests that he no longer trusts anyone. I think there's a solid case to be made, along with the actual studies of lottery winners, that the money itself can be a detrimental feature to the rest of your life, even aside from any concerns about being pursued by the law or the rightful owner or even your own conscience.
posted by dhartung at 2:00 AM on October 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
Nightwork: A Novel, Irwin Shaw
A dead man’s briefcase presents a down-on-his-luck pilot with the chance of a lifetime
Pilot Douglas Grimes’s best days are long behind him. Grounded due to a medical condition, Douglas has resigned himself to menial work as a desk clerk at a seedy hotel. But his fortune flips when he discovers a hotel guest dead from a heart attack and, next to him, a tube jammed with hundred-dollar bills. Douglas grabs the money and, with it, the chance to remake his life. In Europe, he meets Miles Fabian, an elegant and erudite con man with a flair for extravagance. Fabian recruits him for his latest ploy: robbing members of the idle rich. But what will happen when his bad behavior catches up with him?
I recall it ending well, but it's been a long time since I read it. Shaw is a terrific writer, engaging, and I remember this being funny. First published in 1975, so it may be dated.
posted by theora55 at 3:48 AM on October 10, 2014
A dead man’s briefcase presents a down-on-his-luck pilot with the chance of a lifetime
Pilot Douglas Grimes’s best days are long behind him. Grounded due to a medical condition, Douglas has resigned himself to menial work as a desk clerk at a seedy hotel. But his fortune flips when he discovers a hotel guest dead from a heart attack and, next to him, a tube jammed with hundred-dollar bills. Douglas grabs the money and, with it, the chance to remake his life. In Europe, he meets Miles Fabian, an elegant and erudite con man with a flair for extravagance. Fabian recruits him for his latest ploy: robbing members of the idle rich. But what will happen when his bad behavior catches up with him?
I recall it ending well, but it's been a long time since I read it. Shaw is a terrific writer, engaging, and I remember this being funny. First published in 1975, so it may be dated.
posted by theora55 at 3:48 AM on October 10, 2014
Not that I fantasize about stuff like this when I can't sleep or anything ... Anyplace like a bank will keep records, including safe deposit boxes. If you are suspected of having lots of somebody else's money, you'll be found. Keep several thousand. Rent a storage unit from an individual, using a false name. Maybe store a car in someone's barn, with the loot in the trunk. Start paying bills in cash - water, electricity, gas, groceries, etc. Pay off debt. Start a small business of some sort, selling crafts, flea marketing, to provide cover for paying stuff with cash.
Tell no one. No one at all, with the possible exception of a tax attorney. But lawyers sometimes like to tell stories, so be cautious. Any money you want to use for large purchases is going to have to be declared as income and you will pay taxes. Maybe an account in the Cayman islands will help. A lawyer once told us the story of clients who won the lottery and never said a word, just lived better, had no debt, had retirement covered, and had college paid for the kids. Smart.
Plus, send some cash to a charity or several charities.
posted by theora55 at 4:03 AM on October 10, 2014
Tell no one. No one at all, with the possible exception of a tax attorney. But lawyers sometimes like to tell stories, so be cautious. Any money you want to use for large purchases is going to have to be declared as income and you will pay taxes. Maybe an account in the Cayman islands will help. A lawyer once told us the story of clients who won the lottery and never said a word, just lived better, had no debt, had retirement covered, and had college paid for the kids. Smart.
Plus, send some cash to a charity or several charities.
posted by theora55 at 4:03 AM on October 10, 2014
Title III of The Patriot Act was the first U.S. Govt. legislation to link money laundering to terrorism. Mostly, it expanded the governments ability to collect, analyze and communicate data from financial institutions in order to identify and stop money laundering. The IMF estimates that 2%-5% of the world's GDP is money laundering.
As mentioned upthread, any financial transaction over $10,000 will trigger a CTR (Currency Transaction Report) to the Feds. Transactions over $3000 can also sometimes trigger a SAR (Suspicious Activity Report). Which leads us to the three commonly identified steps in any money laundering scheme:
Placement - Breaking up your dirty currency into small packets of less than $3000 (called Smurfing) in order to move it into the next step.
Layering - Concealing the source of illegal funds by moving it around a lot; across international borders, through different financial institutions, purchasing shell corps, precious metals, real estate, rare artworks, etc.
Intergration - Commingling suspect cash with legitimate funds. After you"ve layered it enough, you can start depositing it into accounts with money from legal sources. Then you can start spending it.
Of course, you"ll really need a trusted facilitator, or a team of them. Accountants, Lawyers, Financial Advisors, Fiduciary, these are all good go-to folks to help with your money laundering needs.
Expect to pay. Estimates are as high as forty cents on the dollar. It takes money to wash money.
In case you're wondering about my source on all this, I recently completed a Kaplan University Continuing Education course on Money Laundering. I scored a 94% on my monitored exam.
In the latest issue of New York magazine it was reported that 48% of Manhattan real estate transactions are for cash. It's interesting to note that real estate agencies are not required to report such transactions to the Feds. Draw from that what you will.
Good luck.
posted by valkane at 7:02 AM on October 10, 2014 [4 favorites]
As mentioned upthread, any financial transaction over $10,000 will trigger a CTR (Currency Transaction Report) to the Feds. Transactions over $3000 can also sometimes trigger a SAR (Suspicious Activity Report). Which leads us to the three commonly identified steps in any money laundering scheme:
Placement - Breaking up your dirty currency into small packets of less than $3000 (called Smurfing) in order to move it into the next step.
Layering - Concealing the source of illegal funds by moving it around a lot; across international borders, through different financial institutions, purchasing shell corps, precious metals, real estate, rare artworks, etc.
Intergration - Commingling suspect cash with legitimate funds. After you"ve layered it enough, you can start depositing it into accounts with money from legal sources. Then you can start spending it.
Of course, you"ll really need a trusted facilitator, or a team of them. Accountants, Lawyers, Financial Advisors, Fiduciary, these are all good go-to folks to help with your money laundering needs.
Expect to pay. Estimates are as high as forty cents on the dollar. It takes money to wash money.
In case you're wondering about my source on all this, I recently completed a Kaplan University Continuing Education course on Money Laundering. I scored a 94% on my monitored exam.
In the latest issue of New York magazine it was reported that 48% of Manhattan real estate transactions are for cash. It's interesting to note that real estate agencies are not required to report such transactions to the Feds. Draw from that what you will.
Good luck.
posted by valkane at 7:02 AM on October 10, 2014 [4 favorites]
Charley Varrick has elements of this. The main character finds unexpected money while committing a crime, and the bulk of the movie is about he has to do to keep it.
posted by alms at 8:07 AM on October 10, 2014
posted by alms at 8:07 AM on October 10, 2014
The little-seen movie Flashpoint had a great twist to this. Border Patrol agents find a car in the middle of the desert with a skeleton, a rifle and a large bundle of cash "circulated directly from the Federal Reserve in Dallas and are all dated between 1962 and 1963."
If you recall what a man did with a rifle in Dallas in late 1963, you can see where this is going...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:27 AM on October 10, 2014
If you recall what a man did with a rifle in Dallas in late 1963, you can see where this is going...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:27 AM on October 10, 2014
I also think about this scenario when I fall asleep at night. As far as the basic outlines of the spending, I think turbid dahlia has it. But in my mind the real crux is getting the money from wherever you found it to someplace safe, without the bad guys having any chance of finding you or knowing who you are. That's the worst case scenario, because if you get caught by the feds, you will only be arrested, while if you get caught by the bad guys, you will be tortured and murdered.
My original source of this scenario was A Simple Plan, so for my purposes, I find the money in the woods. It is hard to carry a lot of money; it is even harder to carry away without being detected if you haven't brought any equipment for that purpose. As soon as you step out of the woods carrying a giant suitcase, you run the risk of being seen, recorded, remembered, and found.
SO. Here is the plan. I stumble onto a suitcase of money in the woods. What do I do? I pick up the suitcase and move it...somewhere else in the woods. Somewhere hopefully memorable; somewhere relatively far away (maybe half a day's walk) and where it's unlikely that somewhere else will find it....but honestly, I've only got a little while, and I am not that outdoorsy, so the odds are good I'm never going to see this money again. That's okay, because it's not mine yet. I'm just hoping it might be, later. I wipe my prints off the suitcase and do my best to forget this ever happened.
Approximately a year goes by. Hopefully, no bad guys show up at my door, but if they do, and start to torture me at least I can tell them where the money is (probably) and that none of it has been spent. Worst case scenario: they've somehow found me, and ALSO someone else has somehow found the money I hid and now it's gone. Game over. Still, the double odds against it make it an acceptable risk.
In the meantime, I keep an eye out for news stories that might explain my find, but I don't do any searching or investigating. I just let time pass. After a year, I start looking for jobs on the opposite side of the country. Eventually, I find one. Eventually, I accept.
A week before my new job is supposed to start, I go hiking in the woods. I give myself three days. I've done some careful mapping research so that I can cover where I think the money might be, without even the remotest chance of stumbling on the place where it *was,* because that's the danger zone, and it could still be under surveillance. I have a large backpack with me. If I stumble on the money that I hid, I put it in my backpack, hike home, get in my car, and drive away to start a new life, following the rules that turgid dahlia laid out.
(PS I found this question bc I clicked on your profile after reading the comment you left here. "What kind of a crabapple hates all kinds 'what if' conversations?" I wondered idly to myself. HA.)
posted by pretentious illiterate at 3:50 PM on December 31, 2014 [1 favorite]
My original source of this scenario was A Simple Plan, so for my purposes, I find the money in the woods. It is hard to carry a lot of money; it is even harder to carry away without being detected if you haven't brought any equipment for that purpose. As soon as you step out of the woods carrying a giant suitcase, you run the risk of being seen, recorded, remembered, and found.
SO. Here is the plan. I stumble onto a suitcase of money in the woods. What do I do? I pick up the suitcase and move it...somewhere else in the woods. Somewhere hopefully memorable; somewhere relatively far away (maybe half a day's walk) and where it's unlikely that somewhere else will find it....but honestly, I've only got a little while, and I am not that outdoorsy, so the odds are good I'm never going to see this money again. That's okay, because it's not mine yet. I'm just hoping it might be, later. I wipe my prints off the suitcase and do my best to forget this ever happened.
Approximately a year goes by. Hopefully, no bad guys show up at my door, but if they do, and start to torture me at least I can tell them where the money is (probably) and that none of it has been spent. Worst case scenario: they've somehow found me, and ALSO someone else has somehow found the money I hid and now it's gone. Game over. Still, the double odds against it make it an acceptable risk.
In the meantime, I keep an eye out for news stories that might explain my find, but I don't do any searching or investigating. I just let time pass. After a year, I start looking for jobs on the opposite side of the country. Eventually, I find one. Eventually, I accept.
A week before my new job is supposed to start, I go hiking in the woods. I give myself three days. I've done some careful mapping research so that I can cover where I think the money might be, without even the remotest chance of stumbling on the place where it *was,* because that's the danger zone, and it could still be under surveillance. I have a large backpack with me. If I stumble on the money that I hid, I put it in my backpack, hike home, get in my car, and drive away to start a new life, following the rules that turgid dahlia laid out.
(PS I found this question bc I clicked on your profile after reading the comment you left here. "What kind of a crabapple hates all kinds 'what if' conversations?" I wondered idly to myself. HA.)
posted by pretentious illiterate at 3:50 PM on December 31, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
linda fiorentino in "the last seduction". where DID she go after that?
posted by bruce at 11:37 AM on October 9, 2014