How to tell my family we're engaged?
September 14, 2014 5:09 PM Subscribe
I am 90% sure bf neematoad is proposing this week. I have an emotionally close but geographically far family. We're not on social media. What's the best way to share the news?
The engagement was decided by both of us, only the proposal will be a surprise. We've been dating about 1.5 years and everyone thinks we are good together. My mom has very minor caveats that have more to do with her thinking 100% perfect people exist, and some resentment her kids are growing up and the family dynamic will change.
---9 year age difference (I'm younger) so few of my friends have gotten engaged. I'm not on social media, so I found out through personal phone calls each time.
---Dad is traveling international right now. All family conversation is through texting -- I think I can call him but not sure about the details.
---two sisters, one who lives locally and one who is 5 hours away.
---Mom lives 1 he away and I visit her 2-3 times a month.
I want to tell people in an everyone finds out at once so no one feels they heard the news first and are favored sort of way. My mom will probably feel bad if she doesn't hear first but I feel nervous she'll something not supportive. There is a very small chance that would happen, and I think this is mostly my own anxiety. Texting seems most fair but also too informal. The whole family probably won't be together for at least 5 months.
Other relevant factors: we're going to move in together at the end of Oct. I'm not sure how my parents will react to that bc they are old school. They know we go on vacation and don't mind that, but don't want him to sleep over (in a separate bedroom) in the family home until we're engaged. I figure I'll keep this piece of info separate.
I care less about telling other people and figure phone calls will mostly cover it. But what's the deal with engagement announcements for a young-ish couple not on social media?
The engagement was decided by both of us, only the proposal will be a surprise. We've been dating about 1.5 years and everyone thinks we are good together. My mom has very minor caveats that have more to do with her thinking 100% perfect people exist, and some resentment her kids are growing up and the family dynamic will change.
---9 year age difference (I'm younger) so few of my friends have gotten engaged. I'm not on social media, so I found out through personal phone calls each time.
---Dad is traveling international right now. All family conversation is through texting -- I think I can call him but not sure about the details.
---two sisters, one who lives locally and one who is 5 hours away.
---Mom lives 1 he away and I visit her 2-3 times a month.
I want to tell people in an everyone finds out at once so no one feels they heard the news first and are favored sort of way. My mom will probably feel bad if she doesn't hear first but I feel nervous she'll something not supportive. There is a very small chance that would happen, and I think this is mostly my own anxiety. Texting seems most fair but also too informal. The whole family probably won't be together for at least 5 months.
Other relevant factors: we're going to move in together at the end of Oct. I'm not sure how my parents will react to that bc they are old school. They know we go on vacation and don't mind that, but don't want him to sleep over (in a separate bedroom) in the family home until we're engaged. I figure I'll keep this piece of info separate.
I care less about telling other people and figure phone calls will mostly cover it. But what's the deal with engagement announcements for a young-ish couple not on social media?
Best answer: You send a group text saying: "We've got awesome news! Calling you later! Kisses!" and then you call all your peeps and tell each and every one about the engagement. Technically, everyone was informed at the same time. Congrats, btw!
posted by travelwithcats at 5:14 PM on September 14, 2014 [16 favorites]
posted by travelwithcats at 5:14 PM on September 14, 2014 [16 favorites]
I would try to speak with both of your parents-- maybe text or email your father and try to set up a time as close as possible to when you tell your mother? Or a joint Skype call between the four of you? Tell your sisters after them. You could also send them a photo of the two of you from the day of the proposal if they like mementos or pictures.
You could try to arrange a family dinner locally for you, bf neematoad, and your mother/local sister and Skype in your dad and other sister.
My mother was on the opposite coast (and shopping at a Michael's) when I told her; my dad forgot to check his phone for twelve hours and so I had to wait another day to tell everyone else just in case one of my aunts on Facebook managed to track him down first. (Texting was 100% not an option.) We all survived!
Mainly, congratulations!
posted by jetlagaddict at 5:16 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
You could try to arrange a family dinner locally for you, bf neematoad, and your mother/local sister and Skype in your dad and other sister.
My mother was on the opposite coast (and shopping at a Michael's) when I told her; my dad forgot to check his phone for twelve hours and so I had to wait another day to tell everyone else just in case one of my aunts on Facebook managed to track him down first. (Texting was 100% not an option.) We all survived!
Mainly, congratulations!
posted by jetlagaddict at 5:16 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
Might be weird and overly traditional, but what if your boyfriend calls everyone before he proposes and gives them the details?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:48 PM on September 14, 2014
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 5:48 PM on September 14, 2014
If your family is anything like my family, as soon as your mom hears the word will start going out and you'll be getting texts from random cousins within half an hour.
posted by quaking fajita at 6:08 PM on September 14, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by quaking fajita at 6:08 PM on September 14, 2014 [6 favorites]
You're rather overthinking this. Just pick up the phone and call everybody briefly. Start with your parents, then call all other immediate family. Send everybody else an email with engagement picture. If you can't wait until you can call your father at a suitable time (in his timezone) leave a brief message. He won't mind paying roaming charges for that short message.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:25 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:25 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yes. Phone. Mom, then dad 9send a text if you can't reach him), then sisters.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:38 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 6:38 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
Call parents first and tell them you want to tell your siblings yourselves. Call your sibs in order from eldest to youngest. If someone's not answering, move on to the next call. Keep the calls brief. If anyone's nose gets out of joint because you informed them wrong, well tough bananas.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 6:40 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 6:40 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
Call your parents and any other family members you are particularly close to and tell them individually. Mass-text a pic of your engagement ring on your hand or whatever to everyone else.
posted by Jacqueline at 7:11 PM on September 14, 2014
posted by Jacqueline at 7:11 PM on September 14, 2014
Get a picture of your fiance handing cash over to a farmer, with a cow in the background. Text that to everyone. Follow up with a picture of you holding a sign (with your engagement ring in plain view) saying "No more free milk."
posted by myselfasme at 7:59 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by myselfasme at 7:59 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
That's funny in a viral internet picture kind of way, but I think it's a bad idea for parents who are "old school".
posted by Night_owl at 8:20 PM on September 14, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by Night_owl at 8:20 PM on September 14, 2014 [3 favorites]
I just did this! Almost the same parameters, too. We threw a party to tell our in-town friends first, then called the far-flung close family over the course of two evenings. THEN the announcement went up on social media.
Definitely call. Don't text. And if you put together an announcement picture make sure it represents the both of YOU and conveys the amount of respect and love you have for each other.
posted by greenland at 9:00 PM on September 14, 2014
Definitely call. Don't text. And if you put together an announcement picture make sure it represents the both of YOU and conveys the amount of respect and love you have for each other.
posted by greenland at 9:00 PM on September 14, 2014
The social media thing doesn't matter. Even if you were on social media, that's not a great way to inform your family and close friends. But you're not, so you either arrange to meet to talk in person if you can (sister), or call if you can't. Since your dad is traveling, either call him (international mobile phone, Skype, Google video chat, or whatever), or if you can't figure out how to reach him, waiting until he returns to make the announcement so you can call him and your mom together seems like it might be best. For everyone else, I suppose text or email or whatever is fine. At least do something remotely personal for close friends, though...
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:16 AM on September 15, 2014
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:16 AM on September 15, 2014
Response by poster: I think a big hint of a group text and then phone calls is the way to go. Thanks everyone
posted by neematoad at 2:44 AM on September 15, 2014
posted by neematoad at 2:44 AM on September 15, 2014
Just as a twist, my husband called my family members when we got engaged and I called his. Everyone was happy excited and on their best behavior because the new soon-to-be family member was the one on the phone.
posted by goggie at 7:49 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by goggie at 7:49 AM on September 15, 2014 [1 favorite]
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I am not joking.
posted by phunniemee at 5:12 PM on September 14, 2014 [6 favorites]