Need some of that quiet confidence.
June 28, 2014 1:37 PM Subscribe
I've been dating a great person for about 4 months.
She's really outgoing, charming, attractive, and funny, and people just love her.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (20 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
We're a lesbian couple.
What's bothering me is that my friends and family (and everyone else in the world) seems to like her more than they like me. I know friend and family love and care about me, but I'm kind of an introvert, a little socially anxious, and struggle with some depression, while my girlfriend is the life of the party and everyone's best friend. My own best friend took to her instantly; one night my girlfriend made a joke that she was going to break up with me that evening and my best friend grabbed her and said "eeee we're still friends though right?". My sister adores her and now texts her more than she texts me. My dad will hardly interact with me anymore except to talk about how great she is, why didn't I bring her, and even said "you can't do better than her" (not intended in a mean way? But just saying there's no one better than her…I think). Everyone seems to want to hang out with me more now that I'm with her.
While it should be making me happy that everyone loves her so much and that she seems to love me, it's making me feel jealous and inadequate and just pretty sad. I've never dated such an outgoing and charming person before - in fact I feel a little distrustful when people are this charming and popular, and it took me a little while to warm up to her (we met online). She says she loves me, talks about the future together, and is really attentive. I don't always feel the love from her somehow, though, the way I've been able to from other people who've been in love with me, but I can't tell if that's just my insecurities, or just her way of expressing love, or what. I guess I still feel like I don't totally trust her but have no reason not to. I think it's that we're just so different it's hard for me to understand her. And she doesn't share emotions/vulnerabilities/insecurities very easily - which somehow makes me feel more insecure about my own. Which is why I don't really want to talk to her about this stuff - what would I say - everyone loves you more than me and I'm pouty about it? Gawd.
This all sounds petty to me but it's just weighing on my mind. It doesn't help that I feel kind of down about the state of my friendships in general lately - I'm a busy grad student, kinda shy, need lots of down/alone time, and just haven't maintained friendships and am feeling like I'm on the periphery of everything. My girlfriend has several groups of very close friends and it feels like the few people I do have would rather be with her too.
How do I embrace the fact that she's popular and loved, and not feel shitty about myself and my relationships with friends and family? I usually date fellow introverts and need to figure out how to confidently and happily be with an extrovert and not always feel socially inferior to her. So far I'm just trying to exercise more and be thankful that I'm with someone people love so much, but it's not quite cutting it - throw your wisdom at me? Thanks.