How to get someone to stop flirting with you
June 25, 2014 4:26 AM Subscribe
Uncomfortable situation with an overly flirty fellow volunteer. How do I deflect his attention without being mean about it? And how do I be polite but not send him mixed messages?
posted by Ziggy500 to Human Relations (48 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
So a guy at the place I volunteer at is flirty with most of the younger women at the centre, but particularly with me and his attention is making me feel uncomfortable. I'm sure his heart is in the right place, I am just not comfortable with that kind of attention. He comes up behind me when I'm working and gives me surprise shoulder-massages, compliments my outfits and tells me I smell good, hits me with stuff to get my attention, and pinches my cheeks. Seriously! My cheeks!! I am not particularly shy or retiring, but I need my personal space to be respected and I've gone from liking him fine to feeling my heart sink when he enters the room.
I used to be friendly with him but he started pushing my boundaries so now I am barely polite. Frankly if anyone behaved as coldly with me as I do with him now, I would be really offended and stop talking with them, but he doesn't seem to notice, and it has not really stopped the attention. I feel bad about hurting his feelings. But I also worry about being nice with him if it's going to make him think I am receptive to his dumbass advances. What's the best thing to do?
I am anything but a femme fatale, I never get that much male attention and I'm used to it like that. I am however an 'extroverted introvert', friendly and sociable, but I don't like it when people try to get too close too fast. I've been in similar situations before - where people have mistaken my baseline-level friendliness for something more - and I feel guilty about sending mixed messages when I just meant to be nice. Is there any way I can stop this from happening again?