If only they made Crush Begone
June 19, 2014 9:58 AM Subscribe
I have a longstanding (10+ years) crush on someone I do not want to have a crush on. How do I go about eradicating it, when going no-contact is not an option?
posted by Sockrates to Human Relations (13 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Assume for the purposes of this question that Person X is someone I see frequently, and that I cannot stop seeing them without significantly overhauling the rest of my life (trust me on this one—I’m not making excuses to stick around). I do avoid them to the best of my abilities, but sometimes this is not possible without seeming bizarre to other people in my life.
Person X seems to have colonized my brain to the point where I dream about them several times a week. The crush follows me everywhere—no matter what I’m doing, if I have even the quickest thought of “Person X!” my whole system is flooded with crazy-making chemicals. It is a conscious struggle to notice when I’m thinking about them and to stop. For many years I indulged my thoughts about Person X because they seemed harmless, but have been working diligently for months now to quit this mental habit. I’ll make what seems like progress, then will see them and bam—am right back to where I started.
Part of the problem may be that Person X appears to return my feelings in a very safe, “fun,” “this is never going to go anywhere” fashion. I have always craved approval from others but have rarely gotten it, and so when I believe that someone finds me interesting it’s like catnip.
At the same time, I’ve lately found the crush to be more of a source of unhappiness than anything. I frequently feel embarrassed and inhibited around Person X, like I’m not living up to expectations, and this seems like an unhealthy way to be. It’s like a phase I need to grow out of, like it’s limiting my development as a person. It’s tiring to have to constantly monitor my actions to discern whether I’m doing something because I want to or because I’m hoping to impress Person X. I also find myself jealous of other people that Person X seems to really like.
If I could flip a switch and make it stop, I would do so without hesitation.
Both Person X and I are happily married. In my case, at least, I must emphasize that I am very, very, very happily married. There is no chance in this or any realm of existence that I would cheat on my spouse with Person X.
I've also gone through varying levels of personal happiness/unhappiness over the last ten years, which seem to have little impact on how fixated I am on Person X.
Person X and I are rarely alone together, and when we are, all interactions are very surface level. It’s not like we spend long hours deep in conversation. I have never been much of a flirter anyway, but I actively work to keep my interactions with Person X bland and non-flirty. At the same time, I guess I must be picking up on microexpressions of affection from Person X, or else my brain is inventing them.
I am not physically attracted to Person X, making this all the weirder.
How can I make it all go away?