Coming to terms with one's own mortality for dummies
November 2, 2005 1:19 PM Subscribe
I'm unable to come to terms with my mortality.
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (44 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
The thought of my eventual death consumes me. Every night when it gets late and I have no distractions my mind inevitably drifts to my certain death. I find no comfort in religion or that everyone else goes through the same thing. I concoct ridiculous theories of aliens using me as a test subject to save me, or stupid unsound ideas that in an infinite universe over an infinite timeframe my exact mind will at some point be reconstitued. I know that it is stupid and so I dismiss it, but not to the point that I don't hold on to it at least one tiny bit. I cannot stop thinking about the diseases which I think I have but surely don't. I keep thinking forward and imagining the moment of my death in my mind's eye, seeing myself dying as a weeping old fool who can't control himself because he is so utterly depressed by his imminent death. Discussions of death and what it entails bring me to tears. I simply cannot come to terms with the fact that the one thing I have absolutely no control over whatsoever is the thing that will inevitably strike me down forever and I will never be again and I will simply rot away into the ground, most likely to be forever forgotten -- not that it matters because, from what I'm told, I won't be around to see it.
Everyone knows this to be true. But obviously, not everyone worries about it, at least not like I do. How do you people do it? How do you simply come to accept that this will all come to an end, you don't know what the hell is going to happen, and that to be realistic it's a good chance that you're just going to be what you were before being conceived: absolutely nothing? I just don't get it. And the worst part is that really, my life's probably only about 1/4 complete. I don't dare try to guess the state I'll be in when I hit 50.