Me cry, he yell.
May 29, 2014 12:59 PM Subscribe
My partner gets angry when I cry sometimes and I don't understand why.
posted by gumtree to Human Relations (35 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Let me start off by saying that he is a very kind and thoughtful person who I love very much, and this isn't typical behavior for him. He doesn't become angry every time I cry, such as if I cry during a movie, or cry while I'm venting about something work related. And to be fair, while I don't think I cry very often (< 1x month), I tend to cry in situations where I am feeling frustrated more often than when I am feeling sad, and alcohol tends to bring on the tears as well.
He has only ever become angry when I cried a couple of times, and all of them have been when we have been arguing. The handful of fights we've had in our two year relationship tend to look extremely silly in hindsight because we realize that the reason things ever escalated is usually due to both of our inabilities to accurately communicate what we want. We start talking in circles and both end up very frustrated, but normally things don't progress to this point--often we mutually agree to drop the point.
Three times I have started crying out of pure frustration during an argument with him, generally because I feel like he's not understanding what I am saying or how I am feeling. Usually he keeps his cool during a fight, but when I start to cry his volume increases and his becomes increasingly more angry and I start to cry even more. Vicious cycle. Sometimes I point this out to him and ask him why he is yelling at me suddenly, which then turns into an argument over whether or not he is yelling. The fight in these cases either ends in one of us leaving, or one of us going to bed early. The next day everything is cool, we have a rational conversation about why the fight started in the first place, and things are usually resolved. However, I don't know how to process this behavior, and I don't understand why he gets angry when I cry.
To be fair, I am no angel, and I'm not interested in advice to DTMF. I'm looking for suggestions for how I can discuss this with him, as well as suggestions for how to deal with it when if it happens again.