Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
May 23, 2014 11:06 AM Subscribe
This is one I haven't been able to find an analogue for here or anywhere else. I fell head over heels for a woman 18 months ago. We both were over the moon almost immediately, incessant texting and late night calls, saw each other whenever practical (we are both divorced parents), we made the relationship exclusive within a few weeks, and in general became deeply enmeshed in each others lives it what appeared to be the healthiest happiest relationship of both our lives. But something didn't feel quite right...long winded details inside....
posted by cellardoor to Human Relations (53 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
The bottom line is that her job didn't seem like much of a job at all. She worked in the office of an investment banking firm, but did very little. She fretted about it constantly as her duties were slowly being removed from her, and her role continued to shrink. As the sole provider of three school age daughters and an ex completely out of the picture, she worried frantically about it. Her attempts to find another job were half-hearted (probably due to the fact that she was clearly overpaid where she was).
Her boss's boss told her not to worry and that her job was safe. But she didn't believe him. And so she slept with him. It turns that had previously had an affair with him which she neglected to tell me. She was about to divorce an unemployable alcoholic and unable to make ends meet. The boss takes her to lunch and offers her a 60% bump in pay. And then tells her he has feelings for her. (Just to complete the circle, he's married of course) She claims she felt beholden to him, and tried to love him, but soon realized she had become a horrible cliche. She ended it shortly before we met. He resented it, and hence the dwindling job. After six months of constant worry, and a few drinks too many at lunch with him, she went home with him. It happened twice. She said she went home and threw up in disgust and then realized she couldn't do it anymore. That she loved me too much and hated herself for her past. She ended anything but essential work related contact with him at that point (mostly thru email). Her job is currently hanging by a thread, and she is trying to find another.
How did I find this out? I looked at her phone. I had been cheated on before, and I couldn't get the feeling out of my head that something was up. I saw the texts surrounding the events, which by now are nine months old.
I confronted her, and she immediately confessed. She told me I was the love of her life, and she knew I would leave her if I found out and she was desperate to hold on to me. But being able to provide for her kids had to come first. She immediately sent him a letter telling him the relationship was wrong, she didn't love him, and she was ashamed of her behavior. She says she will agree to absolutely anything I request for a shot at continuing the relationship.
My head tells me to turn and run, but I love her. Despite this nightmare, I still do. I don't know what to do. Trying to make a decision is consuming me. Any advice?