How to stop having crushes and/or stop feeling bad about them
May 12, 2014 3:18 PM Subscribe
Single woman in her late 20's here. I am in the habit of getting a crush on a new person 3-4 times a year, or basically every time I venture out into a new environment (new job, new activity, etc). When I'm not crushing on anyone or dating someone, I feel content with being single. (Actually when I am done dating someone it is a relief to be single!) I know getting crushes is normal. But they usually just make me feel bad.
posted by picardythird to Human Relations (12 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
Most recently, I met someone through work who is attractive to me. I am a part-time musician and he is a "real" musician who hired me for a few gigs (so like most of my crushes, it's kind of an inappropriate one). I did not think he noticed me (our interactions have been brief and 100% neutral) but I found myself thinking, hey, maybe if I strike up a conversation we'll like each other, and was thinking about how to do that. Because what middle-aged man doesn't like the attention of a young woman? (Did I say inappropriate crush already?)
Of course, I looked up the guy on Facebook and in his profile photo he's wearing a wedding ring. I hadn't noticed it in person. Oops. There were also a couple photos of him with a very attractive woman.
That should be the end of it. And I am literally only going to see this person a couple of times before moving to a new city later this summer, so whatever. But despite the fact that I have not done anything embarrassing, I feel quite embarrassed. The whole couple of days it was on my mind, there was never any chance that he would notice me, and to top it off I'm not nearly as pretty as the woman in the photos. I am embarrassed for even having thought about it, embarrassed for thinking I might be in his league when I'm clearly not at all. Imagine how embarrassed I would be if I'd actually said something!
I always hear that crushes are supposed to be fun and harmless but they only leave me feeling bad. In general, I feel pretty good about myself but when it comes to the issue of whether someone could possibly be attracted to me I am quite sensitive. I have often hoped that I could stop having crushes altogether. Is there a way to do that? (Guessing the answer is no but if anyone knows of a way I'd love to hear it...) If not...is there a way to have them stop being something that makes me feel insecure and embarrassed?