I ought to be... flattered?
May 20, 2012 6:48 PM Subscribe
She (possibly) likes me. I don't. Now what?
posted by anonymous to human relations (29 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
So there's this girl that I was in the same class in last semester, and we got along pretty well. We exchanged insider-jokey messages on each other's Facebook walls that others didn't understand, chatted during class and so on. For someone like her, this was a rare level of engagement with someone from the same school, since other people found her intelligence intimidating.
One time when I was very tipsy we had a very long talk about many things, one of which was whether I had ever dated before. I made it clear (I think) that I would not date anyone within the same school, since it was a small school and I didn't want the accompanying drama of a relationship and a break-up to take place within school.
Over this semester break, she asked me out for dinner, together with a few of our mutual friends. Our mutual friends left early and left us alone, where we had another long talk. At the end of it, when we parted ways she surprised me by giving me a hug (this is coming from a culture that doesn't hug others freely). I hugged her in return, but that was the first serious sign that she possibly liked me.
We went for a film a few weeks after that with the same group of mutual friends, and again our friends left earlier. I had somewhere else to go, but she requested that I accompany her for a little while longer. We got desserts, and when we sat down she could have picked the bench opposite mine, but chose to sit next to me, and in close proximity (literally right next-to-you proximity). When I left, she looked so forlorn that I gave her a hug spontaneously (I know, I know, shouldn't have done that).
Other than the incidents above, there have been hints dropped along the way that she wanted something more than a friendship, although there has been nothing overt. My friends who know of her (although not personally) confirm this suspicion of mine.
I don't like her that way. I like her as a friend, but not romantically. I feel like I have been stringing her along by returning her hugs and allowing her to sit next to me, and by going out with her at all. But at the same time I am one of very few people in school that she actually knows and trusts, and I don't want to push her away.
1) Have I been a complete asshole/douchebag towards her?
2) I need to know how to let her down gently but unequivocally, that I don't see her that way.
3) Also, I need to know how to do this without embarrassing either of us, especially since she hasn't actually said anything overt.
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