I need some advice regarding where my family should live. My husband and I met on the West Coast, got married, and had our first baby. After our baby was born, we decided to move back East where our families are. His family is on one side of the state and my family on the other (about 4 hours apart). At the time, our work situations allowed both of us to move to his hometown because our companies happened to have offices here. I had always dreamed/planned to move to my hometown someday to be near my family but due to the work situations, it wasn't feasible to move there at that time. So we are currently living in his hometown, near his small family, who we don't see a ton. Recently, both of our work situations changed, and we are now both working from home, meaning we could live anywhere. In addition, we recently found out we are pregnant with our second child, and with two kids and demanding careers, it seems to make much more sense to live near my family since we have to much more support. So now we have to decide whether to move home near my family, which is where I want to be, or stay here, in the house we bought last year and in a town we have come to really like.
posted by flower777 to Human Relations (20 answers total)
In the year that we have lived here, I have wanted more and more to live near my family. I have a big family (about 20 relatives) who get together regularly for dinners, birthdays, etc. Basically, everyone is involved and supportive of each other, and loves to have fun. In addition, everyone is so helpful, whether it is last minute baby-sitting or shoveling snow when my husband is traveling, it would be so nice to have the support of my family since we both have demanding careers and a child. My husband's family is just one parent and one sibling. They do not get together often, we have been invited to his mom's house only twice in 15 months and they are the type who want to see us and our daughter when it's convenient for them and that's all. At the same time, if MIL doesn't see baby enough, she complains (and lies) about how long it's been. They aren’t very helpful- the MIL cancels on babysitting or sometimes just says no, even if we just need help for an hour or two and she’s going to be driving by our house, and husband's sibling has baby sat one time in 15 months. The MIL situation is an entirely different issue that I will not go into right now, but lets just say it's been a trying and not very pleasant year living near her.
So now we want to move, and my husband says we can move anywhere I will be happy. However, it's just not that easy! I know deep down, my husband would not be as happy. All of his best friends are within two hours of us (meaning they will be 6+ hours away if we move), and he is even closer to his friends than his family, though he acknowledges that we can't plan our life around the friends he sees on average of once every other month. Furthermore, my husband (and I) loves our house, our neighborhood, our daughter's daycare and the town we live in. And then add in some practical issues such as having to sell our house, tell my husband's family (which they won't take well), and having to uproot our life again so soon after doing it once, are all issues holding me back.
My husband says we can put the house on the market tomorrow if I want, and I've said for so long living near my family is what I want more than anything, but now that the opportunity is here, I am having trouble just doing it. Help!