New relationship and bad (irrational?) feelings?
April 17, 2014 2:24 PM Subscribe
This is such a little thing I feel ridiculous posting it, but I’m just not sure how to approach this situation (or my feelings about it) so I hope posting here might be helpful! I’ve just started a new relationship (yay!), I like the guy I’ve been seeing, I think he’s funny and caring and interesting, and in general we have fun when we’re together. The whole thing though has been making me feel pretty anxious, I have a history of unhealthy relationships. A little thing (I think) happened about two days ago and it’s set off all these bad feelings, I can’t figure out whether or not I’m being neurotic or even where to go from here. More inside.
posted by Ocellar to Human Relations (34 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
A couple of evenings ago, I arranged to meet the guy I’ve been dating, A., at the local library at 4pm. We were going to go for a drink and then to the cinema. A. calls me just after 4pm to tell me he’s running late because he had been talking to a friend and that he’ll be there half an hour late. I was studying at the library so technically it’s fine as I have things to do, but I feel a bit put off, and tell him so when he arrives, which he apologizes for, saying he just got caught up with his friend. We hang out in the evening and it’s mostly fine, although he seems a bit distant and not particularly attentive, the conversation doesn’t really flow and I don’t feel much of a connection, which is strange. We end up going back to his flat later on in the evening, and as we are making out, he mentions this particular bra that I have and how he’d really like me to put it on. It’s really complimentary, on the one hand, on the other, it gives me a not so great feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if it’s more the bra rather than me he’s interested in, especially since I didn’t feel like he had been particularly ‘into me,’ when we were spending time at other points in the evening. The same feeling happens a little while later when he starts talking about how much he likes oral sex.
The next day, I just had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach of being used and feeling really sad and angry about the whole thing. I came home that evening of and just cried, which a part of me things was a crazy thing to do, I don't understand why I am reacting so strongly.
Usually our hang outs are fun and I enjoy spending time together, but something struck me really strong as being very 'off' about this particular meeting...
I don’t have a history of sexual abuse although know that I have some issues with men, and lots of fears about losing my voice and my control as well as being afraid of being used. I want to deal with this in a healthy way but am not sure how to do that.