Being okay with disliking someone
April 17, 2014 7:19 AM Subscribe
Have you ever been in a social situation where there was someone who rubbed you the wrong way or who was difficult to deal with but who was kind of inevitably going to be around you? You tried hard to find their good qualities and maybe liked them occasionally but overall just wished you didn't have to interact with them? How did you learn to deal with this situation? Did your relationship with this person ever improve, or did you eventually just learn to live with having negative feelings towards the person?
posted by thesnowyslaps to Human Relations (31 answers total) 27 users marked this as a favorite
I have had a situation the past six months or so where I have been a part of this social group where there are a few people that I like a great deal, but one person who I never really cared for but who was sort of determined to be a part of the group. I feel as if this person has some redeeming qualities and over the six months I have tended to go back and forth on whether I like them. However, recently their relationship with others in the group has been seemingly better than mine and I find myself caught in this cycle of jealousy about their relationship with others, guilt over not having been more open to this person or not really having ever liked them that much and probably having shown it in small ways, thinking that maybe I should try to make better friends with them, and finally annoyance about and anxiety over the whole situation. If it clarifies things at all, basically I don't like them because they kind of came on too strong to me when we first knew each other, tend to overshare about their personal problems, and can basically be kind of needy and attention-seeking. Things I do like about them include that they are generous and intelligent and occasionally good to talk with. At this point, they are kind of part of the group and I actually enjoy having them be part of the group sometimes but I have this lingering feeling that if it came down to it I would rather not have any relationship with them at all.
Anyway, the whole situation has got me thinking about how I tend to react in the situation where I dislike someone, and I have noticed that overall I tend to kind of beat myself up over these sorts of feelings. I am the kind of person who likes to get along with everyone, feels that it is important to be a good person and treat everyone well, and who has a certain amount of social anxiety in general. I feel like all of these characteristics tend to feed into a high discomfort with disliking others. Does that make sense? Is this a thing, to not be okay with this kind of feeling? Have you experienced this before, and how did you make sense of the situation and your feelings in the situation, and improve and/or learn to be okay with it being less than ideal?