I don't have any friends. None.
June 18, 2005 10:25 PM Subscribe
I think I'm odd because I don't have any friends.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (28 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 40, female, married w/kids, mostly decent and happy life and I think I'm basically a good and interesting/interested person - I've just always had a very hard time making friends. It's been nearly 6 years since I've had a friend, someone to call, someone to do things with, someone to share with.
I soometimes feel like an extreme social oddity. Most of the time I'm not bothered, but lately - my oldest son asked why no one ever comes to my house, my parents stayed with us for a while and wondered out loud why no one ever called - and I realized I felt embarrassed, and ashamed. And I find myself watching strangers to see if their friends and how they interact.
I think it started in my childhood. At age 12 my parents became extremely protective; eventually this led to no friends allowed to call or come over and I couldn't do anything or go anywhere. All through school I had no social life, ate lunch alone, etc. I was pretty much a prisoner confined to home & school Now I don't understand a lot about making friends or how to start, especially at my age, and sometimes I'm not sure I need any.
After graduating I was able to make a few friends, but it's really on or off and none since 6 years ago when I moved to a different state. I've also never had a best friend, like it seems women so often do. Maybe everyone does, I don't know.
I should say that I've also often rebuffed friendship attempts, I don't really know why except that I feel uncomfortable and it's a lot of work. My interest in friendship comes and goes. I can't really even say that I have people I can say just 'hello' to. Being/having a close friend interests me a lot more than casual friendship, but I know it has to start somewhere.
Also when I think about being brave and trying to make a friend, always in the back of my mind I think they should be 'in need of a friend, someone 'off' in some way so that they'd even be bothered with me'. But of course no one is so 'off.
Can anyone help me understand this or deal with it? When I think of how others view this, I think 'loser'. What sort of person doesn't have friends? Not normal for sure. Thank you.