Competitive people pleaser seeks self-identity.
April 15, 2014 12:09 PM Subscribe
I have a deeply ingrained habit of being both a people pleaser and caring a lot about accomplishments, winning prizes, receiving accolades, getting praise and recognition from others. However, so much so that it clouds what I really want to do in terms of my career. Was this you? Did you recover from it? How did you sort it out?
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (9 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
I feel like I can't sort out what I want out of life and my career from my desire for others to like or admire or praise me. It really sucks. I got a lot of praise growing up, and continued to be competitive and achieve and do prestigious-kinda things throughout college, getting my doctorate, and afterwards. I question if I did any of that because I wanted to for myself, but think maybe I just liked how it made people view me. I used to be so unhealthily entrenched in needing to achieve or "win" or get awards that I was very very very depressed when that wasn't happening on a regular basis. I have done a lot a lot of therapy and meds and am WAY more stable and happy, but when plotting out next steps in my life, particularly with career, I look at job openings and reflexively think, "what will people say?". Or, for example today, I see "Pulitzer prize announcement" and think "I want that job that will lead me to THAT." That doesn't seem right or a healthy way to think. I feel like I can't identify what I truly want to be doing on a day to day basis, even without any 'recognition'. I want to stop trying to please all of the people all of the time, and want to stop being competitive for no reason/to the point it stresses me out. Has anyone ever been like this? Did you recover from it? How did you sort it out?