March 15, 2014 10:36 AM Subscribe
I am getting a new roommate soon and this time, I want to do everything right. Please share your platonic cohabitation tips!
posted by showbiz_liz to Human Relations (28 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
I am currently in a living situation which is just awkward and uncomfortable, and a big part of this is due to the fact that everyone involved came in with a lot of assumptions about what roommates 'should' do, never discussed them, and then hurt feelings and resentment built up on all sides, and man I can't wait to be out of here. (In previous living situations this had not been an issue- with other roommates, we were either good friends already or we just vibed well and it made things easier.) I accept my role in bringing this situation about, but I would like to ensure that it doesn't happen again in my new apartment.
With my new roommate (who seems awesome and reasonable, but who is not someone I know well), I would like to discuss exactly what our expectations are, and reach compromises about them before we move in together. So I would like to put together a list of the things we need to talk about.
The sorts of things I'm thinking of include:
-Sharing food: What do we share? Who replaces what if it's shared? (I've lived with people who were like "if you eat my cereal bars just stick a couple bucks in the box, no big" and people who wanted us to buy separate salt.)
-SOs: how often can they stay over? Do they get a key? Can they leave their shit in the house? How much of their shit? What if they're making messes?
-Dishes. Fucking dishes.
-Cleaning: Do we have a schedule? If so, what is it? How strict is it?
-How much do we interact? Are we going out to bars together, or occasionally watching TV together, or just not talking much?
-Shoes/jackets left in the living room: do we care?
-Even petty shit like- if one of us hates the art that the other put up on the walls, what do we do about it?
-How do we deal with any conflicts that do arise?
Please, help me put together a list of these things, so that she and I can go get a beer and talk about them before move-in day. Nothing is too minor or pedantic- part of the problem is that I generally go into these situations all "oh, I'm totally easy-going, I can roll with whatever" and then six month later I'm just thinking "you let a band crash in our living room without asking me and you load the dishwasher like a fucking animal what is WRONG with you??"