Boyfriend's lack of motivation a turn off - what next?
March 4, 2014 3:10 AM Subscribe
We've been together about a year and when I first met him he was far more motivated. We are both writers and at the time I was too scared to actually starting performing my work in front of people - with his encouragement I finally overcame that hurdle. He was given an award for his writing from a well-known author and was doing well - but since we graduated (met at uni) he's more or less stopped writing altogether and is still working at the part time retail job he was at during his uni years.
posted by Kat_Dubs to Human Relations (37 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Meanwhile I have had some of my work published and got a graduate job a few weeks after leaving uni. Since then I have been promoted and really enjoy what I do even though it can be stressful sometimes (tight deadlines). Meanwhile, boyfriend's job is so lax he can literally a serve customer every so often but get through a few books a week - while at work! He'll say 'that's me finished book 4' and meanwhile I'm working to a super-tight deadline. It's started to irk me.
Secondly, since last year we have been discussing moving in together at the end of this year. But while I'm trying to save a bit he really just lives hand to mouth and can't do that. I talked to him about my concerns and he said he's never been driven by money - I'm not either necessarily but I would like us to be able to go on trips and for nice dinners without worrying about it. But the main issue just now is that sometimes I'll have a taxing day mentally at work and want to come home to a relaxing dinner with him, and because he's not had a taxing day he wants to talk in depth about all these heavy topics, which I find draining. When I spoke about it he made a snipe about how he'd rather have a laid back job during the day if it meant having engaging conversations with me at night.
He has a degree but will not use it. He stops and starts cover letters and stops and starts ideas for novels. He comes up with every excuse under the sun for why he can't write - 'it's all rubbish', 'I'm not a writer' etc even when I try to be encouraging and tell him how talented he is. I've also found this affecting my sexual attraction toward him. If I could help him, I would. Is this likely to be a lost cause or might he get there eventually?