Dedicated boyfriend but unemployed and unambitious, should i end it?
February 15, 2014 12:59 PM Subscribe
Dedicated boyfriend but unemployed and unambitious, should i end it? I'm 29, have a doctorate, make 6 figures and own my own place. I've been with a guy who is 5 years younger than me for 6 months now. When we first met he was very honest and revealed that he never finished high school but has a GED, he tried 1 semester of college but dropped out; he also disclosed without me asking that his job paid 30k a year. I have to admit it was very refreshing to come by such confidence and honesty. Despite the attraction and chemistry between us I tried to resist getting too close to him due to our age, education and socioeconomic differences fearing the potential relationship problems that could arise from that. However I started falling for him regardless. Around 1.5 months after we first met, he got laid off from his job. We became exclusive shortly after that.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (73 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
I fell for him because he's very dedicated, supportive, loving, makes me laugh and we have a great time together. He is new to being in a relationship but he tries his best. The problem is that it's been months now and he has not tried to search for a job despite my urgings, he says he doesn't want to work for other people. I also suggest he can go back to school but he says traditional academic settings are not for him and he cannot afford tuition anyways. He wants to build his own online marketing business and says if it doesn't work out, he will consider looking for the usual 9 to 5 job, however it doesn't seem like he's doing much to progress that venture either other than asking advice from a friend who is currently in that business. I tend to think that type of venture is risky in itself and can't understand why he can't just look for a regular retail job while trying to pursue running his own business. It seems he spends most of his free time at the gym, playing video games or hanging with his friends. He has been living off of his savings during this time, when we go out i pay for the more expensive restaurants and he pays for the cheaper things like movie tickets, bar tabs, etc but for the most part we just hang out at my place. I don't mind because he is very appreciative and obviously because i can afford it and he hasn't asked me for money or anything, however his savings will be out in a few months and I honestly don't think I could financially support a guy without feeling resentment somewhere down the line.
So i have been questioning whether to continue the relationship (mainly from judgements and advice from friends and family). I care about him so much and he has been great to me. The only issue other than his lack of motivation in searching for a job is his stubbornness but i have my vices also. I am not a person that falls for someone easily, there has to be the right connection/chemistry which we have, so I keep going back and forth between thinking that i should just end it because of the potential problems or stick this out and be more encouraging and patient with him and hoping the situation changes for the better.