What can I do about severe sexual incompatibility?
February 15, 2014 12:34 PM Subscribe
I have a high sex drive, my partner has a low sex drive. This incompatibility is making me depressed to the point that I feel like I can't stay in the relationship, despite everything else between us being really, really great. I don't know what my options are or what I can do to try and work with this.
posted by Vrai to Human Relations (33 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Both in our twenties, both have had multiple past sexual partners, together for a year.
Partner says: self masturbation always feels better than sex regardless of partner (9 or 10/10 on the pleasure scale versus 4 or 5/10 for penetrative sex). When he first lost his virginity it was lackluster, he wasn't impressed. Even masturbation feels like a chore that he has to "get out of the way" when he's aroused. Has never reached orgasm from oral sex, reports "it feels nice like a massage" but is indifferent. Is still aroused often, but doesn't do anything about it if he can help it. Doesn't do the death grip thing during solo time.
As a result we have sex maybe once every 2-3 weeks. I know he's attracted to me because the, uh, physical results are there, but that fact doesn't keep me from feeling worthless, unwanted, frustrated, and rejected at the infrequency of intimacy. The times I've tried to initiate sex he's never really up for it, so I end up just waiting until he is. I have a high sex drive anyway (in past relationships 1-3 times per day was average) but this is killing me because I can't seem to do anything to A: make him feel as good as he can make himself feel, or B: inspire him to want me more often.
Is there a way I can decrease my sex drive so maybe this isn't an issue? The sex we do have when we have it is awesome, though I've never managed to reach orgasm.
I'm at the end of my rope, MeFi. I feel like this is a deal breaker but I don't want to throw this away over something trivial like sex. Is there any hope?