Non-student Non-professor Attraction
February 12, 2014 8:32 AM Subscribe
As a late 20s non-student, how do I proceed with my attraction to my late 20s non-professor? Please share your perspective and experiences.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I am currently between jobs and decided to take several classes for fun at my local university. I didn't want to pay for the classes and had no desire to have these classes recorded on a transcript. So, I emailed the professor of each class to ask for permission. They all wrote back and said yes.
The instructor for my favorite class is not a professor. He is a 4th or 5th year graduate student working on his dissertation. I already have my degree in a different field.
Usually, I am fairly adept at reading body language and can tell when someone is attracted to me. However, it is hard to tell in this context and I err on the side of caution for school environments -- I have many friends in all levels of academia and there is a lot of pressure to keep interactions with 'students' on the professional side.
I participate in discussion more than other students in class, keep my time in office hours focused and to a minimum, and ask fairly sophisticated questions about the reading material. The instructor and TA have thanked me numerous times for taking the class.
In all other circumstances, I'm introverted and am often mistaken to be extroverted, not shy, flirtatious, warm, and say off-the beat things. In class, I tone all of these things down, but remain outspoken.
Given that I am not a student, he is not a professor, we are about the same age, and I don't want to make the rest of the semester awkward:
1) What is the best way to get to know this instructor / grad student?
2) If I ask him out, do I have to wait until the end of the semester?
3) Are there any particular give-away behaviors that would signal his attraction?
4) Academics: have you been in this situation before?
All the extra disclaimers:
I have searched the web and Ask Metafilter far and wide with no results that address my specific situation. Most websites talk about body language in general, or frame the student-professor relationship in scandalous or unethical terms. My situation does not fit all of the search results I see.
I am an active MetaFilter member, have met many members of the mefi community, and do not want to be identified with this question in RL. I don't want to worry about my friends (or the instructor) associating this questions with me. I would prefer to keep this aspect of my life private. Thank you very much.
Throwaway email: firstname.lastname@example.org