Married to our jobs, but seeing each other on the side
January 8, 2014 11:23 AM Subscribe
How do I avoid shop talk on dates?
posted by Sara C. to Human Relations (34 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
For the second time in recent memory, I'm going out on an OK Cupid date with someone who works in my field.
I feel like I botched the last one by falling into the trap of talking shop, as it's one of the main obvious things we already have in common and very easy to default into talking about that rather than other things. However, it just didn't feel like a date, didn't really set a sexy/romantic (or even baseline "datelike") mood, and obviously it didn't go anywhere.
Maybe the fact that we talked about workish stuff all night had nothing to do with the outcome of the date. A lot of internet dates fizzle out despite both people having a reasonably good time. But I don't want to make the same mistake again.
What are some tactics to avoid talking shop too much, or to at least try to set the mood as being a date and not a business meeting? Should I dress differently? Structure the date differently? Talk about specific other not-work stuff? How much work talk is too much?
Unfortunately it's a very "live to work" kind of field, and not something many people leave at the office at the end of the day. So it's so tempting to just talk about that stuff all night, unlike working in insurance or widget sales or something.
What the hell do people even talk about on dates, anyway? I feel like this is not a problem when I date outside my field, but I mean, I love my job, they love their similar job, how do we change the subject?