Abusive family seems to know where I live. What do I do?
December 23, 2013 6:32 AM Subscribe
My abusive mom that I cut off ties with (along with the rest of my abusive family) emailed me a few days ago and seems to know where I moved to. She said that she tells everyone back home where I moved to. She made it sound like she just guessed it, but I find it highly unlikely. If it wasn't just a guess, I don't know how they found out (since I haven't contacted them since arriving in my new city) or how much they know. Am I in danger? Should I move? What do I do? Please help.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (41 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Hi Mefites, I am rather unsettled right now, but any advice you may have would be much appreciated.
So, when I left home, I cut off ties with my abusive family and explicitly told them I wanted no contact in a letter I left behind. But, all 3 of them (mother,father & brother) have contacted me, particularly my parents. My mom calls me a lot and starts every message saying "this message is for 'anonymous'" and tells me to call her back when I have time. She keeps on doing this, despite no response from me. On Thanksgiving, she called and left a voicemail saying that if the number belongs to someone else now, to call her back and let her know, as she is my mother. Ugh. I got an email from my mother a few days ago, and she said that since I don't want any of them to know where I live, she tells people back home that I live in Washington, since I (very briefly, 8 years ago!) applied to a college there and was considering going to school there. But I feel like it's highly unlikely that she would remember such a thing, since she didn't pay much attention to me, it was a passing interest of mine and I never spoke to her in recent years of my interest in Washington. It sounds more to me like they found out I moved to Washington and thought back to 8 years ago when I applied to a school here and tried to rationalize it that way. And it bothers me that even if it was a guess, I expressly told them I wanted no contact and did not want to say where I moved to, but they're going around telling everyone back home (with whom I also want no contact) where they think I went as if I went there, lying in the process, as if they're still in touch with me and a part of my life.
I am very upset about this and concerned for my safety. I wonder how they found out, and if there is any part of my identity I should change, to make it less likely for them to find information about me. Did they find out through AskMe? Should I not post here anymore? Should I move to NY sooner now? Do I need to contact police/ a lawyer? There are some changes to my identity/ contact info I wanted to make, and I'm thinking if I do move, I should make those changes first so that they don't follow me to the next place.
Finally, as I'm really upset, especially by their continued contact to me, a part of me wants to email them one last time and tell them off. When I left, I left it open that maybe I would get in touch again, or maybe I wouldn't, but that it would be my decision. I'm very upset that they have shown zero respect for my reasonable need for space and privacy, and now I'm certain that I want absolutely nothing to do with them ever again, in any capacity. I haven't contacted them since I moved here, but I wonder if I should email them a final goodbye and good riddance?
Please help, Mefites. Am I in danger? What should I do? Any advice is helpful. Please let me know if I left something out. Thanks for any help.