How can I forgive myself for something I did as a teenager?
December 17, 2013 11:28 AM Subscribe
When I was 15, I was extremely cruel to a friend and sabotaged our very special relationship. I was crazy and didn't really understand what I had done until college. When I finally "got it" too late, I wrote him a letter to apologize, but he never responded. 10 years later, suddenly the guilt is flooding back again big-time...
posted by MetaFilter World Peace to Human Relations (49 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
I recently learned two things: 1) by a total coincidence, he and his wife live literally a mile away from me, and 2) they're expecting their first child. When I found this out, I felt like I lost 10 years of emotional progress. I'm dreaming about apologizing to him every night. I'm imagining that I'm seeing him everywhere.
On the one hand, there's the whole "kids can be so cruel" defense, and I was completely nutty as a teenager. But I'm still wracked with guilt. I miss him and wish we could reconcile, but I know that just can't happen. A mutual friend has stressed to me that he still holds a grudge and will never forgive me.
What the heck do I do?*
*knowing AskMe the answer will undoubtedly be "therapy," so can you please be specific?