What is the best advice you would give re: rediscovering yourself/life
October 21, 2013 6:43 PM Subscribe
Or, more suitably... your best advice to someone trying to learn more about themselves (become stronger, learn what I want/need/wont settle for) to prepare for dating in the distant future.
posted by BrandNewMe to human relations (13 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
My past questions have been riddled with uncertainty, lack of boundaries and hurt in relationship. I see a clear sense of a loss of self with my questions, and in my past relationships and I realize I am the one that has been okay being treated poorly, and that needs to change. In order for me to live a fulfilled life I need to know my worth and have a strong self of self before even considering sharing my life with someone else. I am 30 and do want to have a family in the future and it scares me that I have "wasted" so much time on people that never really gave me what I need, so I need to get to the root of the problem.
What advice have you received or would you give to someone trying to pick themselves back up and dust off, start new, what have been important aha moments or realizations in your dating experiences, or self realizations.
I settled in the past for things probably most people wouldn't, I doubt myself and don't listen to my instincts as much as I should. I dated someone recently who devalued me by telling me I lacked "substance", or questioning if I would be a good mother, stone walling me and always ran away when an argument ensued. I am a good person and live a substantial life, there is no real reason for him to feel this way other than it was his attempt to mirror his own insecurities. Every week or two weeks he pops back in to my life proclaiming he just needed time to realize the woman I am (this has happened 4 times), that he is sorry for hurting me, that he wants to give me his 100%, couples therapy etc etc., and when I don't give him the answer he wants or take him back in the time frame he thinks is appropriate he says " Im sorry for taking you on this rollercoaster ride, I decided I needed time for myself to figure out what the hell I really want...I need to let us go." I requested he stop contacting me so I'm not even so much as tempted to entertain his antics and have blocked him as of now but am afraid of his recontacting me by other means. I just want to become that strong woman I was before I let someone cut me down- I don't know why I ever let someone treat me like that and I guess what I am looking for here is for people to tell me how they rebuilt themselves after maybe feeling like they lost a part of them in a relationship, or how they overcame their self esteem issues, how they finally realized nobody should determine your worth. Why was I okay with a man treating me like this, and why was I so manipulated into thinking I was being overly sensitive? I don't believe anybody should be in a relationship where one person puts the other person down/devalues them for no good reason, agree/disagree?