Prince charming to "we met at the right times in each others lives, I hope I showed you what kind of man deserves your spoils and you showed me that there are good woman out there and that I don't need to waste any more time wondering if there are." Seems condiscending to me given that I don't feel he is the type of man who deserves my spoils, and clearly I'm not that great of a woman in his eyes for him to walk out on. Help me find my closure...if you have the time...negative/positive feedback welcomed, sometimes people need to hear the hurtful truth.
posted by love2much to human relations (26 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I am going through a break up with someone of 7 mos (it may seem short term but our "world wind romance" made it feel otherwise). I want to regain my confidence and be OK with the decision that was made in ending this relationship, but I continue to search for answers within my head... I need closure, he wont give it to me so I am trying to do it on my own. I am 30, he is 35.
I met him as he was coming through town and it turned into a LDR. The first 5 months were nothing less than amazing. He was "enamored" with me from the onset, reminded me how lucky he felt, that I was the woman he has been searching for, would drive 5 hours almost every weekend to see me sometimes even for just 2 short days. He was everything I thought I wanted, a "real man"- cooked, cleaned, enjoyed active outdoor things, helped me organize my house, we saw eye to eye on goals/desires, we had a strong connection, chemistry and I finally for once felt comfortable with someone, he was out-going, extremely charming and easy to bring around. I was proud to have him by my side. I have never laughed or had such a good time no matter what we were doing together. He told me I was his hero, his everything- I am starting to doubt anything he ever told me and feel as though I was sucked into a web of lies just to keep me next to him until he decided when to leave for the next, or "something better." He filled my head with thoughts of our future, how happy we would be, when we would be able to move togther, have children, where we would live... (I never brought any of this up and sort of tried to slow the talk down).
It all started going down hill during an argument he got into my best friend during which he didn't agree with something she said and became enraged telling her she was a horrible person and would be alone forever. I know both were at fault, but his reaction was over the top and he never would admit that he should have stayed out of other's business and not said hurtful things. I have seen a couple other instances of his rage in reactions to people, and what he says are "people shoulnd't act stupid then" or "I just dont have time to deal with sensitive or stupid people." Never claiming any responsiblity. After that, I took him out for a dinner and night into town which turned in to me taking him to a local bar causing a fight because the crowd/scene there didn't match how he felt his life was heading. It turned in to an argument which led to him making me feel as I had done something wrong, that I wasn't good enough for him and he left the day after without much thought or words other than we aren't compatible. Of course, he called me the next day claiming to have made a huge mistake that he has been conditioned to not express himself in fear of being hurt and to avoid that it's easier for him to walk way- basically saying he assumed I would hurt him one day so why not take matters into his own hands and leave before being hurt. I foolishly took him back. He wanted to re-wind to before the argument to when everything was okay, and expressed this. I did not and wanted to talk it out, so we met half way.
Now... he basically broke up with me before a vacation (were supposed to go on it with the same friend he got into that argument with and her boyfriend) stating that he needed more substance "because I partied my whole 20s"- he found pictures of me in my house (that he snooped through) during my 21-25 yo age when I did party, safely but took it to an extreme of judging my past thinking I was a crazy party girl. He told me he loved the person I was today but was afraid the "person I used to be would resurface." FYI- I was never a crazy party girl, I partied like any normal 20 yr old, I received my bachelors and masters degree by age 25 and have worked in a top secret clearnance govt job for goign on 10 years today, I own a home and overall can say I am a caring considerate person with a good group of friends and family.
I told him I could judge him until the sun came up but I don't judge people based on their past because the past is who makes you who you are today. He is divorced with a 16 yo daughter, was engaged to another woman and broke that off, bought a home with another woman who he broke it off with, and has a series of approx 7 month relatinoships. I never judged him... I just listened to him and got to know him better. I was divorced and he took that and asked if I was "damaged goods" now.
I'm reading all this and saying, hello- you deserve so much better. But, why can't I get this through my head! I just don't understand how someone can care so much about another person, put in so much effort, tell them how crazy they are about them, fill my head with future plans but then judge me so harshly and not accept me for the good person I am and leave me because he "feels" it is the right thing to do, he misses me telling me that he feels his best friend is absent and we have had a couple weekend "flings" which I finally cut because it wasn't healthy for me. He was so caught up in judging my past it almost made me feel like I had done something wrong because I do know I am a good person who can offer the right person, if they are willing to accept me good and bad, with everything they/we have ever wanted. Maybe I'm having a hard time accepting rejection :( Maybe there are red flags I am not used to seeing as I am new to dating. He was very intense in the beginning, he had my picture as his screen on his phone and would talk about how beautiful I was, how I was everything he has been looking for, how he is single because he hasn't been able to find the "right woman", how I have made him want to be a better person. He seemed like a prince charming, and he does have the quality of charming anyone. He will never give me closure because I feel he is unable to tap into his true emotions. So now I feel stuck, like I have been wasting brain power on this man who doesn't seem to even care to reach out and tell me he appreciated me in his life but it just isn't going to work, instead telling me he has no time in his life right now to deal with relationships issues and that I am, for lack of better words, just not good enough for him.