How To Encourage My Wife To Have Sex With Other Men
September 10, 2013 7:36 AM Subscribe
Over the past few weeks, at my suggestion, my wife has taken up exchanging highly sexual emails and chat sessions with other men. This is a turn-on for us both, and our sex life has benefited enormously from the habit. In conversation, when I suggest that she could move onto IRL sex, her reactions vacillate between,"I don't think I could do that", and "I don't know who we'd ask...maybe we should take out an ad?" The most revealing thing she's said is that a part of her feels like she owes it to herself to take a chance on doing this. So my questions are: how do I encourage her to go through with it, without the encouragement crossing into "pressure".
And secondly: given that we're both introverts with very small social circles, where do we find, and how do we approach, interesting guys for her to sleep with?
Seconding that if you've already made the suggestion and she knows you're on board, that sounds as though you've already gone about as far as you can in the direction of encouragement. Look at it this way: either this is inherently a positive-utility sexual move for your wife, or it's a negative-utility one. If sex with someone else would be a general plus, then she'll be motivated to move in that direction of her own accord, although the process might be more gradual than you'd hope. If it's a general negative, then you attempting to change that calculus (via whatever form of "encouragement" or incentivizing) would effectively be manipulating your wife into having sex with someone she doesn't want to have sex with.
Frankly, her crossing into the language of duty ("I owe this to myself") vs. desire suggests that she may be feeling a little pushed already-- and surely you don't want to be that guy. I'd say, back off and let things evolve as they will
posted by Bardolph at 7:52 AM on September 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
Frankly, her crossing into the language of duty ("I owe this to myself") vs. desire suggests that she may be feeling a little pushed already-- and surely you don't want to be that guy. I'd say, back off and let things evolve as they will
posted by Bardolph at 7:52 AM on September 10, 2013 [6 favorites]
I think you don't encourage her anymore. You assure her that you really would be totally cool with it if she wants to and also that you would be totally cool with it if she decided she doesn't want to. Then you let her take whatever next steps (or not).
posted by rtha at 8:05 AM on September 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by rtha at 8:05 AM on September 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I think right now, there are really too loose parameters for your wife to probably feel comfortable acting on it. You're being super "I'm cool with this and find it hot", but you're not talking about the nitty gritty - which may leave her feeling like she has to take tentative steps to make sure she's not fucking it up.
Ways to encourage her could (paradoxically) involve the setting of rules around the sex, so it feels like a real thing that is real in your head enough to work out details for.
Figure out if you want her to have sex with a stranger? What about a friend? What about someone who actually has romantic feelings for her? Do you want to be there watching? In the next room? Just know it's going on in another house?
Then tell her your thoughts on these matters and ask her hers.
posted by corb at 8:08 AM on September 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Ways to encourage her could (paradoxically) involve the setting of rules around the sex, so it feels like a real thing that is real in your head enough to work out details for.
Figure out if you want her to have sex with a stranger? What about a friend? What about someone who actually has romantic feelings for her? Do you want to be there watching? In the next room? Just know it's going on in another house?
Then tell her your thoughts on these matters and ask her hers.
posted by corb at 8:08 AM on September 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
In the UK there are many specialist sites devoted to these and aimilar activities. Its a welcoming and vibrant community and they will give you all the advice you need. It may be the same in your area and a google search will turn them up.
It is easy for the fantasy to turn into sour reality. At this stage that can often be because encouragemnet turns into pressure. Making sure that doesn't happen would be my priority.
posted by BenPens at 8:10 AM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
It is easy for the fantasy to turn into sour reality. At this stage that can often be because encouragemnet turns into pressure. Making sure that doesn't happen would be my priority.
posted by BenPens at 8:10 AM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Dude, you've started this process OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS. I know you're probably amazingly excited about this new direction your sex life is taking- I get it, I've been there- but you don't need to immediately do every possible thing you can imagine. Take some time to more fully explore what you already have! Sex is not going to go away if you don't pursue every fantasy you've ever had like right this minute omg. I promise.
And putting any kind of pressure on your wife is unfair. She's your partner in this exploration. Don't start thinking of her as a vehicle to fulfill your desires without stopping to think about what she wants. If she starts feeling like you don't care about her sexual desires, she might get sick of the whole thing.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:23 AM on September 10, 2013 [41 favorites]
And putting any kind of pressure on your wife is unfair. She's your partner in this exploration. Don't start thinking of her as a vehicle to fulfill your desires without stopping to think about what she wants. If she starts feeling like you don't care about her sexual desires, she might get sick of the whole thing.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:23 AM on September 10, 2013 [41 favorites]
She is not obligated to respond positively to your encouragement, nor is she obligated to act on your desires (even if she finds them appealing). Don't suddenly decide that she is, no matter how well-meaning you think you are. Start by setting up a firm baseline -- you can't wander into this territory without rules and mutual understanding of boundaries and contingency plans. I say this as someone whose ex boyfriend decided towards the end of our relationship that he wanted me to pick up guys for both of us without ever affirming that he only wanted me in the end, and it was traumatic and damaging in ways I can't describe. Condoned extramarital sex is awesome so long as steps have been taken to ensure that all parties are protected emotionally.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:32 AM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 8:32 AM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I agree that you should sit back and chill for a bit, but you may also want at some point in the future to ask your wife what kind of support she would like from you, to help her go through with this, if she wants to. Help taking anonymous/faceless sexy photos, for an OK Cupid ad? Help writing that ad? Help sorting through and responding to mostly-unappealing responses? Or, perhaps she'd like you to take her to a bar that you don't usually go to, and then split up--you are there, maybe across the room if she needs you, and otherwise, she can flirt with people who might interest her.
Do Not Pressure Her--but it's difficult to jump into this kind of thing, and she might not feel like she can do it without your help.
posted by Edna Million at 9:08 AM on September 10, 2013
Do Not Pressure Her--but it's difficult to jump into this kind of thing, and she might not feel like she can do it without your help.
posted by Edna Million at 9:08 AM on September 10, 2013
She might NEVER be OK with actually sleeping with someone else. She's said as much: "I don't think I can do that." If you two have found something that turns you on and improves your sex life -- the sexy emails and whatnot -- just stick with that for now, and don't make your wife regret that she started down this road at all by pressuring her into something she doesn't want to do. If she decides she wants to make the leap into full-blown cuckolding, then great, but let that decision come from her.
posted by KathrynT at 9:12 AM on September 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by KathrynT at 9:12 AM on September 10, 2013 [11 favorites]
I think you need to drop this. It sounds like you're already pushing too hard, she isn't ready and might never want to. Let her explore her feelings ob her own and continue being an open, loving and supportive pertner in other ways, so that if she feels that she wants to explore it in the future she will feel safe talking to you.
posted by windykites at 9:22 AM on September 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by windykites at 9:22 AM on September 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
From someone who ended up getting divorced in part because my husband WOULD NOT FUCKING QUIT with this:
DON'T.
Let her take the lead. If she wants to, she will. She managed to meet and fuck you, right?
posted by corvine at 9:26 AM on September 10, 2013 [18 favorites]
DON'T.
Let her take the lead. If she wants to, she will. She managed to meet and fuck you, right?
posted by corvine at 9:26 AM on September 10, 2013 [18 favorites]
A friend told me about AshleyMadison.com - a website for married people looking to cheat on their spouses. She found it useful. Maybe that'll work for you?
posted by Dragonness at 10:18 AM on September 10, 2013
posted by Dragonness at 10:18 AM on September 10, 2013
i had a boyfriend once who was really into this particular fetish. i was so uncertain about whether or not i wanted to do it. i felt like if i did it, it would actually end our relationship because he was also crazy jealous. but part of me wanted to do it because i wanted to please him.
turns out, it ended our relationship because he kept encouraging it, and i felt pressured. i also felt like he would never truly be satisfied unless i did it, and i felt trapped. he went so far as to place an ad on craigslist without consulting me first, and that was the precise moment when i was like "i want this to work, what can i do" to "fuck this guy"
the ball is in her court if she wants to do anything about it. stop encouraging her. stop talking about it. let her work this out on her own time. and you need to make sure that she will still feel loved and cared about and wanted even if she doesn't ever go through with it.
posted by kerning at 11:11 AM on September 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
turns out, it ended our relationship because he kept encouraging it, and i felt pressured. i also felt like he would never truly be satisfied unless i did it, and i felt trapped. he went so far as to place an ad on craigslist without consulting me first, and that was the precise moment when i was like "i want this to work, what can i do" to "fuck this guy"
the ball is in her court if she wants to do anything about it. stop encouraging her. stop talking about it. let her work this out on her own time. and you need to make sure that she will still feel loved and cared about and wanted even if she doesn't ever go through with it.
posted by kerning at 11:11 AM on September 10, 2013 [4 favorites]
Ugh. You have already encouraged her and now you are asking for advice on how to "encourage" her further, even after she has made it pretty clear she doesn't want to do it. That's called pushing her into it, which is gross and disrespectful. You've made your interest in it known. If she doesn't seem game and isn't running with the idea, you seriously need to back off. She is your wife, not a prostitute, and you are moving into creep territory fast. Seems to me she has already obliged your sexual desires by flirting with men online and she is trying to be a good partner. Don't push her anymore.
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:13 AM on September 10, 2013 [10 favorites]
posted by AppleTurnover at 11:13 AM on September 10, 2013 [10 favorites]
I would add:
The most revealing thing she's said is that a part of her feels like she owes it to herself to take a chance on doing this.
That's the most "revealing" thing to you because you see it as you see it as your opening to try to convince her to do it. It sounds to me like something she said after you asked her about it again and tried to persuade her about what a great life experience it might be. From the rest of your post, it's very clear you've asked her multiple times and everytime you do, her initial reaction is trying to push it aside by giving a reason she can't. You've obviously asked her enough. You can stop now. Like, now. She knows you are interested. If she wants to, she will initiate the discussion. If she has to be persuaded over multiple conversations about it, then you shouldn't even want this to happen. I might take a hard look at yourself and how much you value your wife's desires.
What you are doing is trying to push your wife into doing something she is uncomfortable with and has real-life repercussions. Flirting with strangers online is one thing; fucking random men is another. This is not going down a good road and you will be the bad guy. I doubt some great orgasms are worth putting your wife through something that could fuck up her self value, potentially her health if things aren't as safe as planned and possibly your marriage. It's all pretty selfish and disrespectful, dude.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:07 PM on September 10, 2013 [27 favorites]
The most revealing thing she's said is that a part of her feels like she owes it to herself to take a chance on doing this.
That's the most "revealing" thing to you because you see it as you see it as your opening to try to convince her to do it. It sounds to me like something she said after you asked her about it again and tried to persuade her about what a great life experience it might be. From the rest of your post, it's very clear you've asked her multiple times and everytime you do, her initial reaction is trying to push it aside by giving a reason she can't. You've obviously asked her enough. You can stop now. Like, now. She knows you are interested. If she wants to, she will initiate the discussion. If she has to be persuaded over multiple conversations about it, then you shouldn't even want this to happen. I might take a hard look at yourself and how much you value your wife's desires.
What you are doing is trying to push your wife into doing something she is uncomfortable with and has real-life repercussions. Flirting with strangers online is one thing; fucking random men is another. This is not going down a good road and you will be the bad guy. I doubt some great orgasms are worth putting your wife through something that could fuck up her self value, potentially her health if things aren't as safe as planned and possibly your marriage. It's all pretty selfish and disrespectful, dude.
posted by AppleTurnover at 1:07 PM on September 10, 2013 [27 favorites]
Yes, if you push this too far you will probably lose your wife. Based on what you've written, I'd probably not push this any further.
posted by heyjude at 2:30 PM on September 10, 2013
posted by heyjude at 2:30 PM on September 10, 2013
Nothing worse than wanting to please someone who wants something sexually that you can't, won't, or aren't ready to do.
She sounds like she wants to, but doesn't want to open that Pandora's box. If she LATER ON decides she wants to, help her THEN. But don't "encourage" her now. That will just make her feel more anxious and upset. It will make her feel like IT is more important than HER, which is the exact reason she wants that box to stay closed.
posted by chainsofreedom at 2:49 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
She sounds like she wants to, but doesn't want to open that Pandora's box. If she LATER ON decides she wants to, help her THEN. But don't "encourage" her now. That will just make her feel more anxious and upset. It will make her feel like IT is more important than HER, which is the exact reason she wants that box to stay closed.
posted by chainsofreedom at 2:49 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Agreeing with the others here in taking the pressure off and not bringing it up again until she does. She needs time, maybe a few months, to think and get used to the idea. In the meantime, I'd suggest you both get profiles set up on FetLife.com and do some research on open and polyamorous relationships. Browse the group discussions and see how others negotiate this and set boundaries in their own lives. While you're there you can also check out what other fetishes might intrigue you that you can incorporate into your sexy times.
Really, though, communication and honesty between you two is crucial for this to work and you both have to be willing to stop or pause if things start feeling weird.
posted by E3 at 2:57 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Really, though, communication and honesty between you two is crucial for this to work and you both have to be willing to stop or pause if things start feeling weird.
posted by E3 at 2:57 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Fetlife is also a good resource to find groups in your area for meeting like-minded people. Munches are no pressure social gatherings that usually meet at a local restaurant or pub and might be a good way to start networking.
posted by E3 at 3:05 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by E3 at 3:05 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Rather than look for ways to encourage your wife to do something she's uncertain about, why not look for ways to accept her current state of indecision? Or, for that matter, ways to accept it if and when she decides not to do this? That is to say, why not put your "how-to" energy toward what you actually have control over–your own actions, reactions, etc.
I think encouraging your wife about this is manipulative. Encouraging another person to do anything is really best when it's the other person who benefits from whatever is being encouraged. Otherwise, it's pushy. Nothing feels worse than being pushed (even nicely; even gently) by your partner who supposedly has your back. It suggest that you don't recognize her own agency or ability to make up her mind. Or that you're ignoring what she's telling you–that she's still deciding.
posted by marimeko at 3:15 PM on September 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think encouraging your wife about this is manipulative. Encouraging another person to do anything is really best when it's the other person who benefits from whatever is being encouraged. Otherwise, it's pushy. Nothing feels worse than being pushed (even nicely; even gently) by your partner who supposedly has your back. It suggest that you don't recognize her own agency or ability to make up her mind. Or that you're ignoring what she's telling you–that she's still deciding.
posted by marimeko at 3:15 PM on September 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think that the absolute best thing you can do, both to keep your relationship strong and to keep up this new sex thing you like, is to let your wife know that you find her totally irresistible and hot, and that you love how much it turns you on to think about how much other dudes are into her. Encourage her to talk about what turns her on, about this experience, or just in general. Make her feel like the hottest woman on earth, and make sure she knows that you find her irresistible whether she continues down this path or not. In other words, make it totally safe for her, both in the context of your relationship and in general emotionally, to explore what she finds hot, and let her know that you find it hot too. Then, support whatever choices she makes.
posted by decathecting at 3:37 PM on September 10, 2013
posted by decathecting at 3:37 PM on September 10, 2013
When you wife has a question about how to make this work, I'll have some suggestions. My advice to you is the stand down advice you're hearing.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 3:43 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Lesser Shrew at 3:43 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, I say leave her be, let the idea simmer. Odds are she'll find someone suitable given enough time...
posted by frecklefaerie at 7:44 PM on September 10, 2013
posted by frecklefaerie at 7:44 PM on September 10, 2013
Absolutely on board with everyone who is saying not to rush into anything and to let her take the lead.
Similarly to another response, my husband coerced me into sleeping with other men and I repeatedly told him that I was not comfortable with it which only served to make him 'encourage' me more. Long story short, we are not together any more and I am in a relationship with someone who respects my boundaries.
Also: These things are often much beter in fantasy than in reality, so please tread carefully!
posted by Youremyworld at 7:50 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
Similarly to another response, my husband coerced me into sleeping with other men and I repeatedly told him that I was not comfortable with it which only served to make him 'encourage' me more. Long story short, we are not together any more and I am in a relationship with someone who respects my boundaries.
Also: These things are often much beter in fantasy than in reality, so please tread carefully!
posted by Youremyworld at 7:50 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
There is a whole lot of info you have not mentioned, like: your ages, your relative incomes, how long you have been married and whether or not you have kids. I don't think I have enough info to infer whether or not you are into pushy, manipulative territory yet.
Women get a lot more social pressure to be "good girls" than men do to be "good boys", sexually speaking. I think some women do need a man's help in standing up to those pressures. I know I have intentionally used "bad boy" types to help me push back against such pressures. But you do need to be super careful about how you do this. There is a right way and a wrong way and this can go really badly.
I suggest you drop the goal for now. Pick a date say six months or a year in the future for making the decision of whether or not to pursue this and do some research. You might try reading books and watching movies during that time, journaling, and asking some of the hard ethical questions. IRL encounters involve real world problems that chat or email do not.
During my divorce, I knew men online who had such fantasies. It never went IRL in part because they could not answer some of the hard questions like "What happens if I do this with you and I turn up pregnant and we do not know who the father is?" Right now, what you are doing is a relatively safe fantasy. But IRL encounters expose her (and you) to risk of disease, risk of violence, possible risk of pregnancy, possible blackmail, etc. If you do the research and ask the hard questions upfront, you are less likely to wind up with regrets.
From what I have read and seen, older couples handle this better. Couples where each partner has been married before seem to also do better. If risk of pregnancy is not a factor, that simplifies things. (Sometimes, post menopausal women decide it is party time because babies can no longer happen.) If she is financially dependent, it will be hard for her to not feel very pressured. If you both have careers, decent incomes, lives of your own and independent identities, it will be easier to be clear that she has agency and is genuinely consenting instead of caving to pressure.
Be very careful to not lie, manipulate, etc. Seek a guide with some experience. If your wife is uncomfortable, drop it. Full stop. As others here have indicated, you can support and encourage her best by making sure she feels safe and secure no matter what she decides here. Failing to make her feel safe and accepted is likely to lead to bad things.
posted by Michele in California at 8:41 PM on September 10, 2013
Women get a lot more social pressure to be "good girls" than men do to be "good boys", sexually speaking. I think some women do need a man's help in standing up to those pressures. I know I have intentionally used "bad boy" types to help me push back against such pressures. But you do need to be super careful about how you do this. There is a right way and a wrong way and this can go really badly.
I suggest you drop the goal for now. Pick a date say six months or a year in the future for making the decision of whether or not to pursue this and do some research. You might try reading books and watching movies during that time, journaling, and asking some of the hard ethical questions. IRL encounters involve real world problems that chat or email do not.
During my divorce, I knew men online who had such fantasies. It never went IRL in part because they could not answer some of the hard questions like "What happens if I do this with you and I turn up pregnant and we do not know who the father is?" Right now, what you are doing is a relatively safe fantasy. But IRL encounters expose her (and you) to risk of disease, risk of violence, possible risk of pregnancy, possible blackmail, etc. If you do the research and ask the hard questions upfront, you are less likely to wind up with regrets.
From what I have read and seen, older couples handle this better. Couples where each partner has been married before seem to also do better. If risk of pregnancy is not a factor, that simplifies things. (Sometimes, post menopausal women decide it is party time because babies can no longer happen.) If she is financially dependent, it will be hard for her to not feel very pressured. If you both have careers, decent incomes, lives of your own and independent identities, it will be easier to be clear that she has agency and is genuinely consenting instead of caving to pressure.
Be very careful to not lie, manipulate, etc. Seek a guide with some experience. If your wife is uncomfortable, drop it. Full stop. As others here have indicated, you can support and encourage her best by making sure she feels safe and secure no matter what she decides here. Failing to make her feel safe and accepted is likely to lead to bad things.
posted by Michele in California at 8:41 PM on September 10, 2013
For the love of god, don't push her on this shit. I have a friend whose husband basically browbeats her into finding other men to bang, whether she wants to or is in the mood or not, and it's incredibly NOT a turnon for her, plus it's being a total asshole.
If she wants to initiate this, fine, but you can't push her. The consequences for her and your marriage are high, and if you both aren't 100% on board with it, it'll get nasty.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:58 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
If she wants to initiate this, fine, but you can't push her. The consequences for her and your marriage are high, and if you both aren't 100% on board with it, it'll get nasty.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:58 PM on September 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
There are only two possible responses to a sexual proposition
- YES
and
- Not a YES (this includes maybes, I don't knows, What abouts, I am not sures, I don't thinks and of course the word NO...it also includes silence and not bringing up the subject on one's own volition) --- a couple of these have been said/done by your wife already. TAKE THE HINT
If you want to one last time address the subject, do it not to give it (yet another) try, but to clear the air and possibly remove the creeped-out-ness she is very likely feeling. I think the coaxing and encouraging and the whole "we both want this" phrasing is what makes this pushy and pretty fucking creepy. Something like this needs total honesty and a super open conversation, and then you need to RESPECT her wishes and decisions. I would say something like
"Wife, I know I have told you I would love you to have sex with other men. It really turns me on and I love it because a, b, and c. However, I understand this kink is totally dependent on you and your level of comfort. I would never want you to feel pressured at all. You can ask me any questions you want, and if you have any qualms about this , we will consider it a no-go and we'll have fun thinking of alternatives that don't involve other people. I could never enjoy this if I wasn't sure you are 100% on board. I won't ask you about this subject again and will consider it closed until you bring it up again, if ever. "
And dude, please realize that your kink is complicated. People are right to mention how it's a lot like pimping and it can very easily fuck with your wife's mental peace. Having hetero sex for women tends to be physically invasive, and you are asking her to let other guys presumably met online enter her body so you can get off. Guys with whom she has no emotional connection (you don't mention a relationship, you only mention sex). Chances are she doesn't like this idea and you have to live with it or end the relationship and find someone who does.
posted by Tarumba at 12:04 PM on September 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
- YES
and
- Not a YES (this includes maybes, I don't knows, What abouts, I am not sures, I don't thinks and of course the word NO...it also includes silence and not bringing up the subject on one's own volition) --- a couple of these have been said/done by your wife already. TAKE THE HINT
If you want to one last time address the subject, do it not to give it (yet another) try, but to clear the air and possibly remove the creeped-out-ness she is very likely feeling. I think the coaxing and encouraging and the whole "we both want this" phrasing is what makes this pushy and pretty fucking creepy. Something like this needs total honesty and a super open conversation, and then you need to RESPECT her wishes and decisions. I would say something like
"Wife, I know I have told you I would love you to have sex with other men. It really turns me on and I love it because a, b, and c. However, I understand this kink is totally dependent on you and your level of comfort. I would never want you to feel pressured at all. You can ask me any questions you want, and if you have any qualms about this , we will consider it a no-go and we'll have fun thinking of alternatives that don't involve other people. I could never enjoy this if I wasn't sure you are 100% on board. I won't ask you about this subject again and will consider it closed until you bring it up again, if ever. "
And dude, please realize that your kink is complicated. People are right to mention how it's a lot like pimping and it can very easily fuck with your wife's mental peace. Having hetero sex for women tends to be physically invasive, and you are asking her to let other guys presumably met online enter her body so you can get off. Guys with whom she has no emotional connection (you don't mention a relationship, you only mention sex). Chances are she doesn't like this idea and you have to live with it or end the relationship and find someone who does.
posted by Tarumba at 12:04 PM on September 14, 2013 [2 favorites]
I came back to make a little comment about your tags. More than polyamory, I would consider this cuckolding. Polyamory usually implies sex AND a relationship.
Consent is a huge deal both polyamory and cuckolding (as a fetish), and by what you said here, it really does not look like your wife has consented.
posted by Tarumba at 6:03 PM on September 21, 2013
Consent is a huge deal both polyamory and cuckolding (as a fetish), and by what you said here, it really does not look like your wife has consented.
posted by Tarumba at 6:03 PM on September 21, 2013
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She knows you're cool with it, so the ball's in her court if she wants to bring it up again.
posted by Salamander at 7:47 AM on September 10, 2013 [23 favorites]