How to deal with this needy friend..
September 5, 2013 12:09 PM Subscribe
I don't mind making new friends, but it's when they have to contact me every day is where I cross the line. How can I handle this situation delicately?
posted by Autumn89 to human relations (21 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I met her at the skydiving place I go to every weekend. She had done a tandem but her and a bunch of other jumpers were talking so I joined in. She asked where I was from and turns out she was about only 20 minutes away. She asks to add me on Facebook so I let her..no harm to it. She told me she was going to be taking the student solo course in a few weeks.
Well she adds me to Facebook and then asks for my number so we can do lunch. I think nothing of it. We do lunch on a week day and have fun. She tells me she is a hospice nurse and she moved here from 2 hours away in the beginning of the year.
The next weekend, she is at the dropzone again. She made another tandem jump and was waiting for me to jump so she could watch me and my instructor. Then when we got back, she wanted to listen in on what my instructor had to say to me...it was just kind of weird. I dunno. But after that, we were all sitting around. Usually tandem people leave after they are done, but she continued to stay as everyone else, even the regular jumpers were leaving.
We drink beer at the end of the day (it's a skydiving thing) and she wasn't drinking, but she was just listening to everyone talk and just sitting there. My friend I haven't seen in awhile arrived and him and I usually talk about personal things together, but whenever him and I tried to separate from the group, she came and followed us! Then a bunch of people left, but I couldn't leave because I had just drank two beers and didn't trust myself to drive. She said she would stay too!
It was just 4 of us then, my friend, another jumper,her and I. Then another guy came to work on one of the planes and my friend had to go help him. So the other jumper, her and I went out to the parking lot. I acted like I was going to leave but since she was talking to the other jumper, I quickly hugged her and told her I was going to use the restroom back where we came from. She said she was going to be following me...I dunno what she meant. Back to the bathroom? But she stayed and didn't come back, so I suppose she meant the road since we live close to each other.
Every single day since then she has texted me! If it's jump related she texts me, or if it's a jump day she will text me..like today is a jump day and I'll be heading out soon, but she texts me and says "50 bucks says you will jump today. It is beautiful out!" Since she isn't a student yet, she can't jump on Tuesdays or Thursdays, so no use for her to come and just watch. That would be extra creepy to me..but here's the thing. THIS WEEKEND SHE IS JUST COMING TO HANG OUT ALL DAY AGAIN. Ugh. Like just sitting there and not talking but just watching. She even told me she declined going to an amusement park with a friend this weekend because she just wants to come and watch!
I know this is going to make me sound horrible, but I think she is needy because she has had a death in her life recently. I have no idea who it was because she mentioned it quickly and changed the subject. I just cannot take the text messages every day and her hanging around. I can't imagine how horribly annoyed I'm going to be when she is a student and will get to hang out every Tuesday and Thursday too. Though most students don't come back after 1 or 2 jumps, so it's the norm, but she has assured me she is going to keep doing it, but then again, who knows. She has only done two tandems and going out there alone takes a special kind of person. Not a lot of people keep it up.
I've thought about just ignoring her text messages when she sends them, but then she will send me another one...and if I don't answer that, a few hours will pass and she will send me another text! It's getting to be too much for me.
Also, our age difference freaks me out a bit. I don't know why she would want to hang around a 24 year old. She is 40 years old! I don't want to cause drama because I am part of the skydiving club, but I'm almost at my wits end with her. I wish she would get attached to someone else there, but she seems to like to follow me around the most.
I want advice on how to handle this situation delicately. I know I shouldn't have given her my Facebook or my number or even had lunch with her. I didn't know it would be amounting to this! Lesson learned, but I'd like to know how to deal with this and not be given the "it's your fault!" thing I got from reddit. Thanks in advance.