Trying to be an ex-codependent
August 14, 2013 1:45 AM Subscribe
I have this habit of emotionally lunging toward people. If I feel disconnected and alone, I find one person and I throw myself at them, hoping that I will stick. I've thrown myself at so many ex's and "people I used to date" by now that I've gotten to a point where I can recognize when I'm backing up and preparing for the jump.
posted by Cybria to human relations (10 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
I just don't want to make the jump this time, not with anyone. I don't want a kindred soul who I can connect to on a deep level, because for me connecting with someone on a deep level means disconnecting with the rest of the world around me. That person becomes so big in my life that they have their own gravitational pull that keeps me in orbit around them. I don't want that. I hate feeling out of control of myself like that. I hate feeling like I am losing myself. I hate waking up from a foggy haze after being disillusioned with yet another imperfect soul who I tried to make my messiah.
I don't want that. Not now, not ever again. I want friends, yes. But I don't ever want to lose myself in any one person ever again. I know there is a way to keep from doing that. Maybe I already know what it is and I just need to dust it off. I don't know. I need some advice on how to break free of my codependency. I want to be my own person, not mold myself around what I think someone else wants or needs me to be. I have been single for a month now, and I have been focusing on my career and doing things that are good for me. But still, I am getting that old urge to find someone to attach to. I hate that feeling. How do I be whole on my own?