What use am I if I am always to be average or mediocre?
August 11, 2013 5:31 PM Subscribe
Perfectionism has been something I have dealt with since I was a child. I am 22 years old and what I think about a lot is what use am I if I have no extraordinary abilities, talents, or accomplishments.
Of course I have many interests and hobbies, however I don't think I am really that talented or knowledgeable in anything, and there are countless individuals that could put to shame any knowledge or talents that I might have.
To use a few examples…
I like to do macro insect photography in the summer where I live. I use a Canon DSLR with a 100 mm USM Macro lens and a set of extension tubes. Some photos I have taken have come out well, and one photo of a wasp I took came in 2nd place in an Internet competition, but with a few exceptions, most of the photos I take are amateurish and terrible compared to many other users on Flickr.
Or I love politics and to read about Middle Eastern and Central Asian studies. Again, although I do have a small library of books on the subjects and write foreign policy articles for a small, nonprofit newspaper, I am not at all an expert, and there are far more knowledgeable people on economics, politics, international relations, and the Middle East and Central Asia than me.
The point I am trying to make is that if I am to always be mediocre or maybe slightly above average, what use am I to the world and what purpose do I serve? I have dreamed of being someone special and talented, someone that people look at and think, "Wow, that's amazing," or that people will remember forever, such as Bruce Lee, Albert Einstein, etc.
Even my close friends and my GF all have accomplished so much in their lives and are experts in their own fields. Some of my friends have Ph.Ds, are lawyers, professors, and my GF has a Master’s Degree in history from an Ivy League school.
Do you know what I am? A truck driver. (In fact, no, I take my CDL test next week, so I am a student still.) I dropped out of university a few years ago because of financial issues and because I was doing terribly there.
I feel useless. What good am I if nothing about me is really that special or worthwhile?