I need a drink
June 14, 2013 8:58 PM Subscribe
I'm really embarrassed to be asking this question but apparently I've been embarrassing my husband with cheap wine. I don't know whose wrong here, so I'm asking you.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (93 answers total) 11 users marked this as a favorite
Necessary context: my husband is getting his doctorate, and all of the other people & parties in question are grad school students at his university.
Last night what I thought was going to be a nice night turned into a huge argument between myself and my husband.
The trader joe's in our area has a good selection of wines in the 4/5/6/7 dollar range, usually a couple organic ones too. I'm a sucker for those low priced organic wines, I think they taste really nice, and I always have a few bottles in the house.
When we've been invited to parties over the past year or so by other students and sometimes the faculty, I've more than once brought one of these wines to a party just as a host gift.
Now I've found out this has been a huge source of shame for my husband who is convinced that other people in his department see us as 'cheap' or 'doing the minimum.' Apparently he has overheard conversations between the other students in his department trashing not specifically us, but the wine and the kind of people who drink the wine I might bring to a party. A lot of these same people spend a lot of time seeking out wine tastings and visits to wineries are *very* into knowing everything about wine and talking lots about it.
My husband says that according to the other students whose parties we are attending, anything less than fifteen dollars a bottle is trash/embarrassing.
As you may have guessed, it's gone beyond the wine now, and at this point I am pretty much soured on all of these people and could care less to attend these parties with him in the future. But I'm allowing for the possibility that I may be totally off base here about how embarrassing I am and I just need an attitude adjustment by the hive mind.
My perspective: The wine I bring is stuff that I think is nice even if it's not expensive. I don't pretend to be some important wine snob who can taste what year some bottle is from. When I host parties at my place, I NEVER expect anyone to bring ANYTHING and if anyone does it's just a pleasant surprise, and I would never think of judging someone for bringing something I don't personally like. If guest in my house brought a bottle of two buck chuck with a bow on it, I would receive it warmly and extend sincere thanks. We're all just students here, is this really necessary?
My husband's perspective: We look cheap and are embarrassing when we bring the wine I've been bringing. Since unlike him, I grew up in a rich family, I just don't care about looking cheap since I “already know what class I am." (Which is true about where I grew up, but in my mind quite irrelevant since I'm not on my parent's dole anymore and we and all these people have pretty much the exact same income!)
I’m not asking whether we should bring the fifteen dollar wine or not, that’s exactly what he’ll be doing when he goes to these parties by himself in the future which is fine with me.
But I do want to know if I really have been out of line in the past.
Please tell me, am I the embarrassing one?