Mods and support reps: techniques to remain calm and objective?
April 28, 2013 11:31 AM Subscribe
What are some stress-reduction techniques that support representatives and forum moderators use on-the-spot to remain cool and collected during difficult interactions with clients, and not let their own frustration get the best of them?
I realize lots of companies allow their support reps to end the call (close the thread/mute the poster) if the person on the other end becomes abusive. I am interested in tools to protect oneself from emotional stress when clients are not quite abusive, but rude, difficult, frustrated, not listening, etc.
I am thinking about applied techniques to create a separation between the rep's/mod's emotions and the client's statements and actions, allowing the rep/mod to remain professional, not say the wrong thing, avoid having their judgement clouded by their own frustration, etc.
I heard about techniques like "ask yourself: is this about me?" that the employee can use on the spot to create emotional detachment if the client is getting to them, but I am having a hard time coming up with anything specific in Google.
I realize lots of companies allow their support reps to end the call (close the thread/mute the poster) if the person on the other end becomes abusive. I am interested in tools to protect oneself from emotional stress when clients are not quite abusive, but rude, difficult, frustrated, not listening, etc.
I am thinking about applied techniques to create a separation between the rep's/mod's emotions and the client's statements and actions, allowing the rep/mod to remain professional, not say the wrong thing, avoid having their judgement clouded by their own frustration, etc.
I heard about techniques like "ask yourself: is this about me?" that the employee can use on the spot to create emotional detachment if the client is getting to them, but I am having a hard time coming up with anything specific in Google.
Remember that it's not your whole life. Reflect on times you've been irate and indignant about something that's supposed to work and doesn't. Take a deep breath, separate yourself from the moment, and just try to engage with as much compassion as possible.
posted by colin_l at 11:57 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by colin_l at 11:57 AM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I've dealt with calls from some really frustrated people regarding policy requirements and systems that weren't very user friendly. These are the things that helped me:
1. Don't align yourself with the system - I mean, don't get defensive when they vent over whatever it is. It's not your system, you didn't build it.
2. Do steer them away from venting and towards fixing the problem. "It sounds really frustrating. What can I do to help you?" Or, "Give me a minute to look at this and see how I can help." When I can tell people are freaking out over something that's pretty straightforward I let them know I've seen this before and I know what to do.
3. Yes to putting people on hold.
4. Don't be *that* expert. I've sat next to (and OK, I've been) the person who is always furious at how stupid everyone else is that they can't figure out the thing that they themselves are really good at. But realistically I only know what I know because I've been taught or I've been able to sort it out. It's ok that not everyone knows it without being told.
5. Know what you will and won't put up with. People get frustrated but there's no excuse for being abusive.
posted by bunderful at 12:23 PM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. Don't align yourself with the system - I mean, don't get defensive when they vent over whatever it is. It's not your system, you didn't build it.
2. Do steer them away from venting and towards fixing the problem. "It sounds really frustrating. What can I do to help you?" Or, "Give me a minute to look at this and see how I can help." When I can tell people are freaking out over something that's pretty straightforward I let them know I've seen this before and I know what to do.
3. Yes to putting people on hold.
4. Don't be *that* expert. I've sat next to (and OK, I've been) the person who is always furious at how stupid everyone else is that they can't figure out the thing that they themselves are really good at. But realistically I only know what I know because I've been taught or I've been able to sort it out. It's ok that not everyone knows it without being told.
5. Know what you will and won't put up with. People get frustrated but there's no excuse for being abusive.
posted by bunderful at 12:23 PM on April 28, 2013 [1 favorite]
I used to smile big and flip off the ACD. It did me a world of good.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:30 PM on April 28, 2013
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 1:30 PM on April 28, 2013
Some years ago, I took a college class called "Negotiation and conflict management." The two texts for it were "Getting to yes" and "The mind and heart of the negotiator." Both are excellent resources and both are research-based but the second is much meatier. I highly recommend it.
One point from the class that really sticks with me: In situations where the area in which a mutually beneficial deal can occur is very narrow, both sides tend to feel the other side is being an unreasonable asshole. So I keep in mind that there are always situational factors in play which neither side has full control over. It is much, much easier to stay calm and not take it personally when I keep in mind that we may both be frustrated and thwarted by circumstance, even if both/all parties are being very genuinely reasonable and cooperative.
I also keep in mind a lot of things I have learned over the years about the difficulties involved in conveying information from one mind to another. Not only are words relatively "thin" (a la the idea that a picture is worth a thousand words -- I.e. it is far more information dense than words) but they can actively get in the way. One word can mean completely different things to different people.
I remember an example from somewhere that international negotiations between two English speaking countries were seriously stalled when they argued for days about whether or not to "table" a discussion of a particular thing. They both wished to discuss it. For one party, the expression meant "put it on the table and discuss it." For the other, it meant "set it aside and not touch it for now." They both wanted the same thing and argued vehemently for the same thing and did not realize it because of an unfortunate choice of wording.
It also helps to be slow to judge others. People tend to live up (or down) to your expectations. I see no benefit in giving people a good excuse to be on their worst behavior, which is often exactly what occurs when you come to a negative judgement too quickly. People are generally a hodgepodge of both positives and negatives. Helping other people put their best foot forward tends to be a win for both sides.
posted by Michele in California at 2:19 PM on April 28, 2013 [3 favorites]
One point from the class that really sticks with me: In situations where the area in which a mutually beneficial deal can occur is very narrow, both sides tend to feel the other side is being an unreasonable asshole. So I keep in mind that there are always situational factors in play which neither side has full control over. It is much, much easier to stay calm and not take it personally when I keep in mind that we may both be frustrated and thwarted by circumstance, even if both/all parties are being very genuinely reasonable and cooperative.
I also keep in mind a lot of things I have learned over the years about the difficulties involved in conveying information from one mind to another. Not only are words relatively "thin" (a la the idea that a picture is worth a thousand words -- I.e. it is far more information dense than words) but they can actively get in the way. One word can mean completely different things to different people.
I remember an example from somewhere that international negotiations between two English speaking countries were seriously stalled when they argued for days about whether or not to "table" a discussion of a particular thing. They both wished to discuss it. For one party, the expression meant "put it on the table and discuss it." For the other, it meant "set it aside and not touch it for now." They both wanted the same thing and argued vehemently for the same thing and did not realize it because of an unfortunate choice of wording.
It also helps to be slow to judge others. People tend to live up (or down) to your expectations. I see no benefit in giving people a good excuse to be on their worst behavior, which is often exactly what occurs when you come to a negative judgement too quickly. People are generally a hodgepodge of both positives and negatives. Helping other people put their best foot forward tends to be a win for both sides.
posted by Michele in California at 2:19 PM on April 28, 2013 [3 favorites]
When I did this, I always worked under a handle or slightly different name, so it was hard to take it personally when they were raging at RideGhost and it was obvious they didn't even know me but had decided to rage out at whoever was on the other end of the phone. I always thought of myself in retail and CS-type jobs as a character, like an actor. People weren't mad at me. They were mad at the role.
Something else I learned on the job was figuring out what they were really mad about. Like in retail if they were raging at me, most of the time they were mad at themselves. When they were accusing me of ruining Christmas, what they were really mad at was themselves for waiting until 5:55pm on the day before Christmas and scrambling to a store that closed in 2 minutes. I actually wound up feeling sorry for them the more they ranted.
On one project I worked on, we literally couldn't help people. We had no tools to assist. Our job was basically to take calls and say "Sorry, we can't help you." So people would call in and rage and it was just an act of Zen calm, you know? There was literally nothing we could do. So we'd just let them burn themselves out until they were done ranting. And, again, it was clear that some people just wanted a faceless entity to spill their bile on, it wasn't anything personal. Our job was to take it, shrug, and send them on their way.
A friend of mine watches a lot of SuperNanny and one of the things she does when kids start raving and throwing tantrums is instead of getting louder and louder, she gets softer and softer. It works spectacularly on adults because they have to quiet down to hear you and a lot of people are basically emotional children. They're throwing a tantrum to get what they want because it's the only way they know how to cope. So you get quiet and tell them very quietly what you want and they will eventually figure it out. Treat them like a kitten you're trying not to scare.
Another thing I found was people want you to get fighty, too, and when you don't, they get more and more mad and do more and more things to try and provoke a reaction out of you. At that point, it's basically trolling. It's the in-person equivalent of spamming racist or offensive jokes and falling for it is giving them what they want and won't solve anything.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 2:52 PM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
Something else I learned on the job was figuring out what they were really mad about. Like in retail if they were raging at me, most of the time they were mad at themselves. When they were accusing me of ruining Christmas, what they were really mad at was themselves for waiting until 5:55pm on the day before Christmas and scrambling to a store that closed in 2 minutes. I actually wound up feeling sorry for them the more they ranted.
On one project I worked on, we literally couldn't help people. We had no tools to assist. Our job was basically to take calls and say "Sorry, we can't help you." So people would call in and rage and it was just an act of Zen calm, you know? There was literally nothing we could do. So we'd just let them burn themselves out until they were done ranting. And, again, it was clear that some people just wanted a faceless entity to spill their bile on, it wasn't anything personal. Our job was to take it, shrug, and send them on their way.
A friend of mine watches a lot of SuperNanny and one of the things she does when kids start raving and throwing tantrums is instead of getting louder and louder, she gets softer and softer. It works spectacularly on adults because they have to quiet down to hear you and a lot of people are basically emotional children. They're throwing a tantrum to get what they want because it's the only way they know how to cope. So you get quiet and tell them very quietly what you want and they will eventually figure it out. Treat them like a kitten you're trying not to scare.
Another thing I found was people want you to get fighty, too, and when you don't, they get more and more mad and do more and more things to try and provoke a reaction out of you. At that point, it's basically trolling. It's the in-person equivalent of spamming racist or offensive jokes and falling for it is giving them what they want and won't solve anything.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 2:52 PM on April 28, 2013 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
For call centers:
- The whole "smiling will make you happy" thing is not a lie. Your posture and your emotions are a feedback loop, and you can control your posture. When you find yourself getting upset, drop your shoulders, straighten your back, and smile - or at least force a pleasant expression onto your face.
- Practice vocal control. Pace, pitch, and tone all tend to rise when you get excited, and keeping them consciously lower, slower and more even will not only help with your internal feedback loop, it will prevent you from accidentally escalating the situation by further agitating the caller.
- Have stock phrases for difficult situations, and practice them. "That won't be possible, sir." "I need you to remain civil or I will have to end the call." "If you want I can put you through to my manager's voicemail and she'll get back to you when she returns to her desk." Whatever makes sense in your situation, of course. The idea is that if you have something memorized to fall back on, you'll feel less put on the spot.
- The hold button is magic. If you need to put someone on hold for thirty seconds while you breathe deeply and collect yourself, go for it.
- Sometimes the client just wants to feel heard. "Active listening" is the relevant search phrase here - it's amazing how much saying something like "Man, I hear you, it's so irritating when your computer randomly shuts down. Let's see if we can fix it, ok?" will calm someone down.
For forum moderation, most of the above applies, except you're not nearly so on the spot, so I would add a few things:
- Get up and take a walk if things get too tense. There are very few situations ever that can't stand a two minute delay while you get your blood flowing again.
- Cats are remarkably sympathetic audiences for all the withering things you can't actually type.
- Compose emails with nothing in the to: line. Walk away after the first draft. Then, come back and reread it and edit for tone. *Then* address it. This saves embarrassment.
- Use your coworkers for sanity checks/proofreading/handoffs if you get too overwhelmed. Last weekend Jess came back from a refreshing weekend and covered for me for a couple hours while I took a nice long walk and read a book, and it saved my sanity.
- Likewise, in-person venting with other mods is a lifesaver. I literally fly across the country to spend time with colleagues because it is so, so helpful. Moderation can be very isolating, especially when remote, and it's a running joke in the game industry at least that any party with more than two community managers at it will see them all stacked on the nearest couch for emotional support.
- Meet your customers in person when you can. It both helps them see you as a person and not a Faceless Authority Figure, and it reminds you that they are real people and not demonic creations out to make your life unpleasant. (Most of them, anyway.)
I will probably think of more things later. This is a subject I Have Opinions about, clearly.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:53 AM on April 28, 2013 [8 favorites]