Am I overreacting or is my partner?
April 1, 2013 8:51 AM Subscribe
Partner frequently gets angry when we go out. This upsets me.
posted by anonymous to human relations (26 answers total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
Partner is generally a calm and easygoing person, but I've noticed a pattern when we go out somewhere. If anything goes at all wrong, partner seems to think that the entire night is ruined and becomes extremely negative. Partner has gotten frustrated when: we have to pay for parking, we don't know where parking is, we can't get a refund (on something we didn't pay for), when there is any slight change we might be late, the GPS gave us slightly erroneous directions and we have to turn around... These are all in-the-moment stressful things, but to me it feels like partner has a very strong reaction. Sometimes it's come out that they were actually upset about another issue and that's why they reacted so strongly. Sometimes partner will get snippy with me, especially if they blame me for what is going wrong, and occasionally they'll be rude to other people as well. They often express negative feelings about the place we're in/the activity we're doing/humanity in general. Usually, though, it's over in a few minutes and partner apologizes to me.
These feel like abnormally strong reactions to me, and more importantly, they upset me. I grew up in a fairly angry household and when partner gets angry over something I don't quite understand I feel like I want to withdraw. Most of the time, no one I know has witnessed this behavior, but on one occasion a friend noted it and mentioned it later, not in a red flag sort of way, but in a "strange that your partner did this" sort of way. I am starting to dread going on dates with partner because this has happened so many times.
Clearly we are both having pretty strong reactions to fairly minor incidents. Is there something we or I can do to change this pattern?